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In law/Thanksgiving vent

krysiahamatykrysiahamaty
in Late Term and Child Loss
DH texted me today letting me know his dad visited him at work today and gave him a huge guilt trip about not spending Thanksgiving with them this year. He asked if I can be around small children while subsitute teaching, why can't I be around DH's brother's children? I told DH I would go for him only if he really wanted me to. But I am literally getting choked up and crying thinking about going. Why can't people be more sensitive and understanding??? DH and I planned on leaving town for a couple of hours with our dogs and just spending the day away from everything and everyone. Now I don't know what to do.
TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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Re: In law/Thanksgiving vent

  • Petunia844Petunia844 member
    I'm so sorry, I can't understand how people could try to pressure you to go when you aren't comfortable.  My family has accidentally made us feel a little guilty about not going just by telling us they'll miss us there... but nothing like that.  I'm sorry, if I were you I guess I'd hope DH would stick by me and stand up to his dad... but I don't know your husband or his family.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    CafeMom Tickers

    Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!

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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member

    I hate this! Don't go! It is wayyy too soon and you are only setting yourself up for more hurt! It is beyond me why family (family!!!) could be this insensitive. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this!!!

    (((hugs))) 

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  • krysiahamatykrysiahamaty

    imageaddegeorge:
    I'm so sorry, I can't understand how people could try to pressure you to go when you aren't comfortable.  My family has accidentally made us feel a little guilty about not going just by telling us they'll miss us there... but nothing like that.  I'm sorry, if I were you I guess I'd hope DH would stick by me and stand up to his dad... but I don't know your husband or his family.

    DH won't make me go. He stuck up for us and is now very upset with his family. I told him I would go if he wants me to but sitting here typing this and thinking about it, I am crying. If I go, I know I will be just hurting and locking myself in the bathroom and I will have to leave early. Not only is it the children that will be there, but if anyone says or does anything wrong, hurtful, or even just about Jack, I know I will lose it. I feel the lack of stability I have right now.

    TTC since November 2009. DH diagnosed with sperm antibodies. IUI #1 = BFN IUI #2 = BFN On the road to IVF.... Egg Retrieval Jan 21, 2011 16 eggs retrieved Egg transfer Jan 26, 2011 Only 2 viable eggs transferred. 1 IVF, 1 ICSI IVF #1 = BFP :-) 10/3/11 No heart beat at 38 weeks: Our baby Jack became an angel 12/14/11 = natural BFP Rainbow baby Samantha Jacklyn born8/8/12. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • hewinkedhewinked
    Honestly, you gotta do whatever makes you feel comfortable.  DH's family assumed we'd host last year (2 weeks after delivering DS), and I know they assumed the same this year.  I told DH, absolutely not.  I originally wanted to stay home and do nothing, but a friend just asked us over.  I don't know what DH's family thinks of that, but I don't care.  Planning a whole meal and hosting and entertaining is not something I wanna do at all.  You do whatever helps you.  This is a very hard time of the year for all of us.  I wish more people were understanding of that. 
    imageimageimage
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  • johnnys junejohnnys june member
    Sweetie, at the end of the day you have to live with yourself and your emotions.  It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks -- including family.  If anything, they are being ultra selfish for not being understanding.  I'm sorry you have to even deal with this.  Chin up!  Do what is best for you and DH.  That's all that matters right now.
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  • CaroleeCarolee member
    Huge (((HUGS))).  I';m so sorry your ILs are being so insensitive.  You need to do what is right for you and your DH.  Don't let your ILs bully you into going if you are not ready to be there.  They don't understand because they haven't walked in your shoes, and it is wrong of them to make assumptions about what you can and cannot take.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • sandykinssandykins member
    if you don't want to go - don't go. screw them. do what you were planning on doing. you need to concentrate on you. everyone else can wait.
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • butterfly843butterfly843
    I would go with your original plan and just spend the day with dh.

    Jenn

    image 3 IUI's all BFN

    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

    BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11

    Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11

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  • starrkitten89starrkitten89

    (((Hugs))) I'm sorry.The holidays brings out the hell in people sometimes.I'm going to my IL's tomorrow.Usually we have thanksgiving just us because DH's family usually travels to see a couple of my SIL's,but this year they are all traveling here.

    I'm not looking forward to being told I'm a liar when I say I'm ok,and being watched like a hawk to see if I show signs of mental illness.

    Lilypie - (yNYF)

    Lilypie - (bSes)

    T1 diabetes diagnosed 11/95 due to severe pancreatic injury
    BFP 1 1/22/10 EDD 9/30/10 Adria b. 9/11/10 d.8/9/11, Transposition of the Great Arteries,
    Pleural effusion, Kidney Failure
    BFP 2 4/26/12 EDD 1/3/13 M/C 5/13/12
    BFP 3 10/3/12 EDD 6/17/13 Twins! Preston and Juliet b. 5/22/13

     

     

     

     

     

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  • MeggM1MeggM1 member

    Something I found out early on after my loss is that if my gut was telling me a situation wasn't good and either I pushed or someone else pushed me into it - it ALWAYS ended up with me hurt, upset, and very set back.  I know it sounds selfish maybe six months after my loss, but it takes a LOT (like, relative in serious health) for me to put myself in a big family situation where there's a lot of potential for me to get upset.  I don't know if it's a self fulfilling prophesy or what, but I hope that you listen to your gut to protect yourself against people and situations that are not healthy.

    I hope that you had a better day today and that your husband's family grows some empathy. 

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