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Pregnant after a Loss
erbarmywife
member
Mother to Gavin, born September 11, 2007, and Magdalena, born March 21, 2009, Angel Baby MC February 13, 2010, Cynthia, born August 28, 2010 and gone September 17, 2010, Gabriella, born and gone August 28, 2010, and Abigayle, born March 12, 2012
VENT: Ugh, my mother (NBR, long)
erbarmywife
member
I am getting really irritated at my mom. She is starting to bad mouth me to my younger sisters. She thinks I'm a bad mother (right, cuz YOU'RE doing a whole lot better by talking sh*t about one child to another, right??), and that I'm doing a bad job raising my kids. She doesn't think I should have another baby, and has even questioned if I am capable of handling 3 kids...is anyone, really, ever ready for that? I asked her a question once about her c-section scar, and how it felt when she was pregnant with #2, and her response was "Well, there was 10 months between them, so I cant tell you what to expect". I was like "Umm..there's only 9.5 months between the c/s and this pregnancy, so really, what difference does 2 weeks make??" Apparently, because she doesn't approve of me being pregnant (or something, she wont talk to me) it makes a HUGE difference. I sent her a message on fb a week ago, and still haven't heard anything back from her.
My brother and his wife were visiting this past week, and she didn't get online the whole time they were at her house, but the day after I got there, she was back to her FB games. She told me I need to bury my daughters next summer, because IT'S CONVENIENT FOR HER. She told me to get over it and just do it, because if left up to me, she may not be able to come, since "who knows when I will feel ready". REALLY?????? I'm pretty sure that if they were YOUR daughters, you would bury them when YOU want to, but since they aren't, I need to do it when YOU want me to???? Right, I'll jump right on that. I think that when I do bury the girls, it will just be me, hubs, and our kids, and just tell her afterwards. It's not like she cares, really, anyway.
I've decided that I will write her a letter (again, since she wont respond to anything on FB, and wont answer my calls) and just let it out. I cant keep holding it in, and it's REALLY bothering me. We used to be so close...she was in the room for both of my vaginal births. The only reason she wasn't there when I had the girls is they were an emergency. It just seems that since I got pregnant again, she could care less about me. She is so excited about my brothers baby, but wont talk to anyone about mine. When I gave my bff the go ahead (she knew I was pregnant at 8 weeks) to tell people, she called her mom, and was surprised that she didn't know. Her mom is my moms bff. I asked my mom not to say anything to anyone, and she told her hairdresser (one of my friends) and her nail lady (the hairdressers mother, and when I'm in town I always see her). Did I tell her she could? No. But, what I want doesn't matter anymore to my mom. It's all about her. My bff's mother was really upset that my mom didn't tell her. It's getting crazy outta hand.
Sorry it got so long...once I started, I couldn't stop. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it IRL, so this is it. You guys are my sounding board.
Mother to Gavin, born September 11, 2007, and Magdalena, born March 21, 2009, Angel Baby MC February 13, 2010, Cynthia, born August 28, 2010 and gone September 17, 2010, Gabriella, born and gone August 28, 2010, and Abigayle, born March 12, 2012This discussion has been closed.
Re: VENT: Ugh, my mother (NBR, long)
Jfranklin is probably right. My mother had a similar (albeit, not so dramatic) reaction after my loss, when I got pregnant right away. She acted like my new due date was huge inconvenience for her (she's a professor and it falls right in the middle of finals) and said somethings to the effect that "the first pregnancy would have worked a lot better for me." She also acted like my baby shower in October was a huge inconvenience for her, too. It was very upsetting. It's better now, but only because I pushed the subject - we had a big blow up over it, which I feel was entirely necessary in order to clear the air. She now is much more supportive on the outside, and I think she's excited for LO to come, but I will never really forget how small she made me feel in the beginning. (And don't even get me started on her attitude toward me being Team Green, and the possibility that this child is a boy).