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ArcticFox
member
"It's not fair" "You don't love me"
ArcticFox
member
My DD has been saying stuff like "you don't love me any more because you yelled at me" kind of thing. I yelled at her today because she was rough-housing with her little sister and so my 2 year old slammed her head on the tile floor in the kitchen (which broke 3 rules in 1 - no playing in the kitchen, no rough-housing or hands on sister, and no running in the house).
She has been doing this a lot lately. The other day she was sobbing how she never gets anything, never gets any treats - because her little sister got a tattoo on her hand but I wouldn't let DD have more - yet she has like 5 tattoos already.
Plus DD has still been working off her Halloween candy and other treats (pumpkin pie, etc) - so she gets to have a treat after dinner but little sister doesn't... yet she still says how she's basically shortchanged, how little sis gets everything.
I'm not even sure how to reason with her. I mean it is cut and dry - she practically split her sister's head open on the floor and now she's crying to me that I don't love her. She has had way more candy and treats then she should get (and little sis usually gets none), but she's tellling me how she gets nothing. I'm frustrated.
Any suggestions? Is this a phase? Manipulative? Do you take it to heart? I explained that she was in trouble for doing something dangerous - and I reiterated that I love her no matter what - leave it at that?
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Re: "It's not fair" "You don't love me"
I'm training to be a Montessori teacher and read today that elementary kids become very fixated on justice and fairness. Maybe she's hitting that early without really understanding it. I'd wait until well after the outburst and sit her down and ask her if she still thinks it's unfair. Give her examples of how she gets treats, etc. If she still doesn't see it that way you could say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way. I will try to make sure you are getting a fair deal if you try to act like a big girl and stop throwing tantrums."
She's doing it because it's working.
Rox - I scolded her for her behavior, nothing over the top - and then she was put in time out. So she's in time out and I'm trying to console my 2 year old.
As far as 'it's working' - she isn't getting things for saying that mommy and daddy don't love her. I was just using it as an example, she doesn't get short changed like she's telling me.
I'm chalking it up to normal.
Nest Bio ~ ~ Baby Food Blog
Manipulative. Don't reason with her. Just say, "You're right. Life's not fair." If you feel like it, you can add, "Your little sister just got her head slammed into the floor."
"You're right. Clearly, I don't love you. I guess if I don't love you, I'll want more time by myself tonight, so you can go to bed an hour early. How would you like that?" Or, "If I don't love you, then I'd keep all the dessert for me. Sound about right?"
That ends the fake-martyrdom attention grabbing before he turns into that unbearable woman who's always "sacrificing herself" for people who "don't appreciate her."
My 3-y-o thinks I'm the meanest mommy in the world. My 8-y-o thinks I'm the most awesome. Nothing's changed. He just grew up.
TTC since 6/02 (age 22) K/U instantly despite no AF for 5 months--preemie baby boy 1/03
M/C 11/04 - M/C 05 - M/C 06 - BFP 2/08--fullterm baby girl 10/08 - M/C 4/11 - went to RE at age 31
DX: crappy quality & infrequent ovulation, mild MFI
Stimmed cycle #1 C/P 7/11 - Stimmed cycle #2 C/P 8/11 - Stimmed cycle #4 C/P 10/11
On Stimmed Cycle #5
Always thought I'd be a "mom of many"--now just hoping to be a "mom of one or two more!"
Aside from the beating of the sibling, my DD is going through this, too. Every time she gets punished for ANYTHING I hear her crying, "Mommy doesn't love me anymore."
I have pulled her aside after her time out to say to her, "Even when Mommies are angry or sad, they always love their babies. Nothing you can do can make Mommy not love you." That seemed to hit home. She still pulls the Mommy doesn't love me out of her bag, but I know she's just doing it to get a reaction. It's really hard to not be hurt by it, but I have to remind myself not to take it to heart. Hang in there, I'm right there with you.