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School-Aged Children
Abinormal
member
10 year old girl- wetting the bed..???
Abinormal
member
My two nieces (8 and 10) have recently come to live with DH, myself and our almost 2 year old daughter. It's definitely been a transition for all of us, but a things have gone relatively smoothly and after they'd been living with us for about 2 weeks, DH's SIL (the girls' mother) also moved in with us. SIL is having some pyschological and financial issues (no money, severe depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder), but she's pretty consistent about taking care of her two girls and she seems to be one the way towards becoming a more stable person emotionally.
Anyway, when the girls originally moved in SIL told me that the oldest of the girls had been having issues with wetting the bed. Apparently, they've taken her to the pediatrician and a couple specialists and there's nothing physically wrong with her that would cause her to wet to the bed. So... as of right now... I have zero answers and a kid who is wetting the bed 2-3 nights a week.
She does wear an overnight pull up type diaper, but she'll occasionally forget to put it on before going to bed (I try to remember to remind her, but it can be chaotic at bedtime) and then we have a wet mattress, sheet, blanket, etc. The other night, she had on her "pull up" and wet the bed so badly that it soaked through the pull up and all the way up her clothes to her pillow.
She uses the bathroom every night before bed and she's only allowed one cup of water from the time she gets out of school till bedtime. I'm not sure how to go about solving this issue... I don't want to get upset with her for wetting the bed (and I haven't) and I don't want her to feel any more embarassed about it than she already does, but I just don't know what to do to help solve this issue.
How normal is it for a 10 year old to still be wetting the bed? Could it be a pyschological issue?
Up until moving in with us, the girls lived with their step father and had a very consistent and secure home life. I'd attribute the bed wetting to being moved to a new home and school environment, but the bed wetting was happening before the girls moved in with us.
Any ideas, suggestions, advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!
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Re: 10 year old girl- wetting the bed..???
You've posted about your nieces before, and I know they've been through a lot of changes lately.
However, I would guess that your niece is is just one of those kids who wets the bed. I am the parent of a school-aged kid who regularly wets the bed. It's MUCH more common than people think. According to my pediatrician, about 25% of kids wet the bed until adolescence. Doctors think two things can contribute to this frustrating problem: 1) having a small bladder and 2) having brain wiring that causes the child to sleep through the "gotta go" signals. It's actually pretty unusual for bed-wetting to be associated with emotional issues.
For my kid, I know it's #2. He sleeps so soundly that there are times when it is very difficult to wake him up. FWIW, there's a genetic component to this. My pedi says that most kids who struggle with bed-wetting have a close relative who also wet the bed. My DH dealt with the same thing as a kid but grew out of it by the time he was about 12.
Pull-ups are a great solution. I have a large assortment of waterproof pads and mattress covers, though, because my son won't wear pull ups anymore! I make the bed in layers: waterproof cover, sheet, waterproof cover, sheet, etc. This way when he wets the bed, he can just strip off a layer instead of having to make the bed up.
I use febreeze in his laundry, which does a good job getting rid of odors.
I find that two things make his bed-wetting worse: not fully emptying his bladder when he pees before bed (he's distracted, in a hurry, already sleepy) and being overtired. His worst times of year are holidays and breaks from school because he gets worn out during the day and then just sleeps through the urge to pee. Just as you describe, sometimes my son just wakes up with a damp patch on the front of his pjs, but sometimes he wets enough to soak the whole bed. I got him new pajamas a few weeks ago, and the FIRST night he wore them, he absolutely soaked them! Ugh! He woke up wet from his pillow down to his toes!
This is a great website written for kids that you might want to read and to share with your niece.
https://kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/bladder/enuresis.html#
She's probably pretty close to the age when she'll grow out of it, so hang in there!
Thank you so much!! It's been an incredible learning curve going from having just a toddler to having two older children as well. Their mother is good about helping out with the girls, but most of the discipline, consistency and "mothering" seems to be left up to me these days. I know she's focusing on herself and she has an incredibly sad and abusive past (she was adopted by my MIL when she was 12) and she never really had a good example of being a normal mother, if that makes sense. So, it's been up to me, to help the girls and kind of teach their mother as we chug along day by day, lol!
I'm an elementary teacher, so I have lots of experience dealing with children their age, but (of course) I've haven't raised children their age and that's a whole different ball game. I am glad to hear that her wetting the bed isn't a major thing to be worried about. I've been trying really hard to make sure that she doesn't feel ashamed when it happens, but that's next to impossible since she's fully aware that most children her age don't wet the bed. I'll definitely be sharing that website with her.
I'm thinking that she's in the heavy sleeper category as well. I try my best to keep both girls on a consistent sleeping schedule and they both get about 10 hours of sleep a night, but there are days where that doesn't happen just due to life in general (their mother is also kind of bad about not enforcing bed time and I'll wait up to an hour to see if she'll remember to make them go to be before stepping in).
I told DH this morning that we need to buy some type of protector for the mattress and so we're going to go look this afternoon. I hadn't thought about buying a couple waterproof sheets, but I think that's a great idea. Then, she can even just strip the bed to the next layer, if she wakes up wet in the middle of the night. She's pretty good about wearing the pull up, but last night she fell asleep while watching a movie and I didn't want to wake her up to make her put one on. I knew I was taking a risk... but it just wasn't worth waking her up.
Ok... this response is really long... sorry. I just am desperate to talk to other people with children this age, lol!
My six-year-old still sleeps in a pullup - and soaks it (and sometimes soaks through).
The pedi gave me some statistics - I want to say he said that something like 16% of 6-year-old boys are nightwetters and that number decreases by one percent per year (I have a feeling we'll be a late one -- he's the heaviest sleeper in the world). I can only imagine that similar stats (although a lower number) apply to girls. So, it's completely normal that some 10-year-olds still aren't night-trained.
He said there isn't much you can do (other than the obvious limiting drinks and whatnot), but that there will be a social issue eventually. Sleepovers, campouts, etc. I don't know what we'll do (we actually just vacationed with a friend who has a 9-year-old and I made sure my DS was very careful about the older boy not knowing about the pullup - there's no need to open him up to that).
Your niece has been through a lot. I think I'd just prepare yourself like you already said you were going to to - and give it some time...
I first want to say how amazing and generous you are to take in and care for extended family. I wish you the very best.
I don't know what is appropriate for her. As the previous person posted, there are medications available. Here is what turned up with a google search: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nocturnal_enuresis
Newlyweds since 2007
Part of my hypnotherapist's training dealt with this issue - I'd recommend taking her to a hypnotist skilled in the area. Contact the National Guild of Hypnotists who can give you a referral to someone in your area.
To describe it simply, basically she's likely sleeping so deeply that she's not waking herself up when she needs to go. Hypnosis with kids is one of the most efficient and effective ways to pinpoint the bedwetting issue without really drawing attention or potentially making the issue worse. It should only take a couple sessions at most to address too!
I would NOT restrict fluid intake that much! Maybe choose a time 1-2 hours before bedtime to stop fluids, but not right after school!
Your niece could have a physical problem, or wetting the bed could be how she deals with the stress of her family situation, and current living situation. I'm sure she has a good home in your house, but moving, a new school, having a mom who is mentally ill....those can all be very difficult for a child to deal with.
You might also restrict caffine and chocolate from her diet.
I want to add that possibly getting her into councling will be a good idea. Sounds like she has been through a lot and this might help. Another thing is setting an alarm for the middle of the night and get up and make her go to the bathroom.
I agree with a PP do not limit intake so much this can lead to dehydration. Just stop fluids about 1.5 to 2 hours before bedtime and cut out caffine.
Good luck!