Feeling like a bad mom- long

kmhunt11 · November 2011

DD was such an easy baby. Until we moved cross country in January, she was easy, empathetic and pretty much only whined when something was really wrong. I know it's normal for kids to act out at 3, but I've come to realize that she's become a very difficult kid. She doesn't sit for circle time at school to the extent where she frequently has to leave circle and sit by herself. Her teachers comment often about how stubborn she is. At home she whines and pitches a fit whenever she doesn't get her way. Today we didn't even make it in the house before she pitched a fit because she couldn't push the button to make the garage close (there was stuff in the way). I tried to distract her with something she wanted to do (look at pics from a bday party she went to this weekend), and I told her that she would have to go straight to be for nap time if she didn't stop whining, running away from me, and refusing to come inside. She didn't stop so I lugged her up 2 flights of steps. We get up there and she pitches a fit because she had to pee but didn't want to use the bathroom upstairs, and wanted to go back down. I was not going to give in and just put her in her room. I came back 2 minutes later to let her pee- she was still whining and wouldn't go. I gave it another few minutes and she finally went, but continued to whine. I put her in her room and tried to calmly talk to her about hurting my feelings and not listening, but she just doesn't care. She only got upset when I took away the mitten she was messing with instead of listening to me. This episode is typical and happens at least once or twice a day. She's in school all day (until 3), so it's like it's most of the time that she's acting like this. She'll do it again at dinner, and often at bedtime. We don't generally give it, but I try to always approach things with choices. Instead of "It's time to brush your teeth" I say "Where would you like to brush tonight?" If she acts out at dinner, I put her in her room (calmly) because it's not appropriate to disrupt everyone's dinner. She's just a difficult kid. I'm a teacher and have studied child development for undergraduate and graduate work, but have no idea what to do with her. She's bright, but argues about everything, big and small. I never thought I'd have such a difficult kid because I'm laid back, and I've seen enough difficult kids in my career that I thought I could avoid some of those behaviors. I give her tons of love and positive attention when she's good or even just not bad. She gets time outs for things like messing with the cats or doing things deliberately unsafe or rude. I reason with her (sounds crazy to try to reason with a 3 yo, but I figure it's never too early to try). She just seems to be getting more disagreeable, argumentative, rude, demanding, whiny..... etc. I feel like I screwed up, but have no idea where. Someone please help me feel better. Is this a phase? Will she be nice again at 4? Thanks for listening.

penguingrrl · November 2011

Shortly before my older daughter turned three some gypsies came during the night, stole her, and replaced her with an obnoxious, whiny, inconsiderate, spoiled brat. We were feeling about how you are, no kidding. I held firm, won't listen to whining (we tell her she can go sit in her room until she can talk in a big girl voice) and ignore behaviors that won't hurt herself or others since a lot of them are trying to get attention. Thankfully our sweet little girl has returned and she's back to being the easy kid she once was. It took time, patience, and more time but slowly she's come back. I can even enjoy a shopping trip just the two of us a whole lot now! It took about a year, and for her three was by far the hardest year so far. Four started out a bit rough still but smoothed out pretty quickly and now we're having a great time most of the time.

ecoppins · November 2011

At our house we go through phases of whining, not listening etc. I hold firm and try to stay positive and repeat this to myself "This is a phase. She is three, I'm in my 30s. I can keep cool and calm as this too shall pass"

Three is tough. Hang in there! (((HUGS)))

Aimathy · November 2011

I could have written your post myself! And although I've questioned if something is "wrong" with her or she's going to be a problem in the future....as soon as I read your post and thought it through, I realized it's just 3! (I hope!) My DD is the same way and it can make everyday things soooooo tiring, draining and stressful. She whines, throws fits about every.single.thing, uses this annoying "ehhh" sound when she's mad and you ask her a question....I could go on and on. Going out to eat used to be a breeze. She was such a well behaved baby/toddler and the five of us could have a nice meal and relax. Now being at a restaurant is a whole new ballgame....supermarket shopping, speaking to another adult for more than 2 minutes etc, etc, etc. I thought it would be easier, but I think we have to get through three (and maybe some of four!) and then she will settle down again. Hang in there. Some of us are right there with you!!

kmhunt11 · November 2011

Aimathy:
I could have written your post myself! And although I've questioned if something is "wrong" with her or she's going to be a problem in the future....as soon as I read your post and thought it through, I realized it's just 3! (I hope!) My DD is the same way and it can make everyday things soooooo tiring, draining and stressful. She whines, throws fits about every.single.thing, uses this annoying "ehhh" sound when she's mad and you ask her a question....I could go on and on. Going out to eat used to be a breeze. She was such a well behaved baby/toddler and the five of us could have a nice meal and relax. Now being at a restaurant is a whole new ballgame....supermarket shopping, speaking to another adult for more than 2 minutes etc, etc, etc. I thought it would be easier, but I think we have to get through three (and maybe some of four!) and then she will settle down again. Hang in there. Some of us are right there with you!!

LOL Wait- are you talking about my kid or yours? Glad I'm not alone. Thanks ladies

NikkiBenzo · November 2011

Don't take this wrong but I am so glad you are going through this.... because it means that it's not just me! You literally described my daughter to a T. Reading the responses makes me feel better too. I hope we both get our sweet daughters back soon... as mine will be 4 next month!

jason&robin · November 2011

My kids are the same way. DS is 4 and he loses it over the littlest things. We try to be firm and consistant with him. Otherwise he is a very sweet boy. He knows we don't tolerate the whinning and he won't get what he wants if he is going to act that way.

futrkingsley · November 2011

My boy is very similar at 3 and 4 months. Or he was a few weeks ago. I seriously had moments where I wondered WTH I did wrong over the last three years to get such a crazed child. I was on the verge of calling my doc for a referral for ME when things started getting better. The outbursts are fewer and fewer and don't last as long.

You aren't alone!

Alex26 · November 2011

Glad to see we are not the only ones that are going through this. DS can be like this at times. And you're right, with us it started when DS was about to turn 3.

Hopefully its over soon.

monica3245 · November 2011

Ditto EVERYTHING in this post! I was just asking my husband when he thinks this phase will past and he said I will miss this when she's older. I THINK NOT;)!! My dd is 3 and we are in the same boat. Hugs to us all!

MaybeMore · November 2011

Try The Well-Behaved Child by John Rosemond. He has some awesome systems there. He uses my favorite tool--bedtime/naptime!--as well as putting together some nice, simple systems--and getting rid of unhelpful guilt.

LJM0521 · November 2011

It's normal. My DS1 was the easiest baby and then started acting like you described around 2 1/2. It was constant battles all day every day for about 2 or 3 months. I seriously thought I was a terrible mom, but honestly, I think it's how all kids act around that age. Keep doing what you're doing. It will pass. For our family, I've learned that putting him against a wall for time out works better than sending him to his room. At first, I had to keep bringing him back to the wall over and over, but he seems to respond better to that. Also, I found that when I control the tone of my voice and stay calm, he behaves better. I have a friend who has several children and she said her easy babies were difficult toddlers, and her difficult babies were easy toddlers. I'm hoping she's right because DS2 was a high needs baby!

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