Parenting after a Loss

S/O "it gets easier"

I first heard 4-6 weeks was peak fussieness. Then it was 6-8 weeks. I then read 8-12 weeks (my sounds of silence book that came with my sound machine). Then I read 3-4 months (on a purple crying website)!

I was at a birthday for a three year old last week (there were toddlers galore there!) and they were telling me it got better after the first year!!

So please, when does it actually get better/easier!? 

My Chart

My Life

BFP 7.7.09 - CVS 9.10.09 (Girl) - 9.24.09 Severe Fatal Malformation - D&E 10.7.09 @ 17wks
BFP 6.1.10 - 6.10.10 Ectopic M/C @ 5wks
BFP 10.26.10 - 10.29.10 CP
BFP 1.30.11 - CVS 3.28.11 (Girl) - EDD 10.11.11 - Born 10.6.11
BFP 12.18.12 - 12.20.12 CP
BFP 3.18.13 - CVS 5.21.13 (Girl) - EDD 12.2.13 - Born 11.24.13
BFP 6.10.14 - CVS 7.2.14 (Girl) - EDD 1.12.15 - Born sleeping 8.6.14 @ 17w5d

Re: S/O "it gets easier"

  • For us it finally got better around 6 months.

    Honestly though, I'm still truly waiting for it to be easy...and by easy at this point I mean being able to drive to the grocery store 5 minutes away without her screaming the whole way in the car. Or being able to go to the bathroom (while H is still with her in the family room) and not have her scream and cry bloody murder until I come back into the room.

    We had colic, have reflux, and generally B is just overall fussy. About everything. We get glimpses of what it will be like when she stops the fussiness, but most days I would guess she spends a good 2/3 of her awake time just fussing for no reason. You hold her she fusses. You put her down she fusses. You play with her on the floor, she fusses. And so on.

    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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  • I am thinking getting easier means getting a full night sleep (more than 5hr).  If I am not tired, I would have more energy to do loads of fun things with DS during the day.  I hear that between 4 and 6 months, it starts to get a little easier.  I guess we will see because every baby is different!
    BFP 1: 08Aug10, EDD: 14Apr11, D&E 11Sep10 BFP 2: 29Jan11, EDD: 12Oct11, DS born 07Oct11!!! Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • A big "it got easier" moment for me was when DD could sit on her own.  Then I didn't feel like I have to carry her around or make sure there was a seat for her everywhere.  She can sit on the floor and play while I make dinner, she can sit in a highchair in a restaurant, and other times it just makes it easier, IMO.  But honestly, I think that it gets better in such small increments sometimes that I didn't realize how much easier it had gotten. 

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  • I think if you sit and really reflect you will find that each milestone makes things a little easier, though in the moment you might not notice-kinda like losing weight. You can't tell just by looking because you see yourself everyday.

    It also depends on your definition of easier. Do you mean just not crying? Do you mean more self sufficiency (playing alone, feeding self)? Do you mean better sleep?  If you look at all the different things that cause issues for different families, you will better understand why things get easier at different points for different families.

    And then it will get harder again. 

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  • Well, it's all relative, you know?  I don't think I felt totally together until DD was around a year old.  But that's not to say that it wasn't easier at 6 months than it was at 2 months, and so on.  I will say that it really helped when DD could sit on her own and entertain herself for a few minutes.  I'm really looking forward to being able to do something in my house without having DS glued to my side.  
  • I think it gets progressively easier starting around 3 months.  For us things got much easier when DD stopped having colic, which was around 9 weeks.  Then things got even easier when she started sleeping a little more at night.  Now that she will play on her own things are way easier, but with each stage comes a new challenge.  I miss the days of being able to put DD on her play mat and running to the bathroom and she'd be in the same spot when I got back.  Now she chases  behind me everywhere I go.  So, for the most part, each day is a little easier than the day before.  Its just hard to see the differences when you're sleep deprieved.
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  • Lucas has been an easy baby all along. It was difficult at first because of his jaundice and the stupid bili blanket. He still doesn't have any teeth, so we're not dealing with that yet.
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  • Each time we've hit one of those milestones (i.e. 6-8w, 2m, 3m, etc...), it's gotten marginally easier.  It's not magically easier one day and there are always regressions.  However, he is definitely easier now at 3.5 months than he was a 2 months.  He was easier then than he was a 6w.   We also have colic and reflux here, so each step has had its setbacks.  Once we've been able to set a routine and get used to each issue, it's helped things to get easier.  I am also very lucky to have a fairly easy baby.  He pukes a lot, but he literally smiles through them.  Even when he's feeling awful, he tries really hard to be nice and smile and be happy. 

    What marked things getting easier for us was really sleeping through the night (at about 8 weeks as he's a power weight gainer and was over 11-12 pounds by then) and him being able to easily hold his head up without support even when you pick him up from laying down (maybe 5-6w?).  He was born strong and with considerable head control, so both hit early for us.  He also only sleeps about 5-8 hours when he sleeps through the night.  For my sanity's sake, I don't put him down for the night until I'm ready to go to bed.  That way, I get a solid block of sleep too.  Thankfully, he usually only wakes up to eat and then goes back down for another hour or two.  This allows me to get some real measurable amount of sleep, though I never feel truly rested.  I think that'll only happen once I stop nursing. 

    Hang in there.  The "it gets easier" part happens, but it may be subtle.  However, over time it'll add up to something more.

    ETA: 6-8w was the worst for us.  It was awful.  Horrible.  Bad enough that I've seriously considered being one and done.  It wasn't until that was over that things actually started to ease up.

    BFP#1 4/17/10...EDD 1/6/11...M/C 5/28/10 BFP#2 11/19/10...EDD 8/4/11 Squeaker born 7/30.
  • Our peak colic was 8-9 weeks, then got better between 3-4 months. 
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  • For me, it never was that hard in the beginning.  My LO slept really well, only got up twice at night to eat and went right back to sleep, never wanted to be cuddled, so that freed up my arms etc. 

    Now as she turns a year old it is so hard!  She is all over the place, she is very strong willed.  She laughs at me when she hurts me, and she thinks it is funny to stand on top of her slide without holding on.  To me, this age is HARD! 

    Like a PP said, it is all relative :)

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  • I think it's gotten easier for us in the past month or so. DS has always been a high needs, fussy baby. His sleep was beyond horrible- night or day. We had a constant struggle with BFing and his appetite was insatiable.

    Last month we started sleep training and now he sleeps wonderfully at night. A few weeks later I did sleep training for his naps and now he gets a few 30 minute naps during the day. I think a lot of what is making this age easier on me is that I'm finally getting sleep at night and a few minutes of me-time during the day.

    He actually likes to play independently during the day now. We also switched to FFing and it has taken away a lot of stress for me. I think part of his fussiness was the hormones in my BM.

    There are still challenges with any age though. Now that he's crawling he's into everything and loves harassing the poor dogs.  He has also started throwing tantrums and he definitely has a stubborn streak.

    I think "easy" is all a matter of perspective.

     

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  • imageSonadora:

    For us it finally got better around 6 months.

    Honestly though, I'm still truly waiting for it to be easy...and by easy at this point I mean being able to drive to the grocery store 5 minutes away without her screaming the whole way in the car. Or being able to go to the bathroom (while H is still with her in the family room) and not have her scream and cry bloody murder until I come back into the room.

    We had colic, have reflux, and generally B is just overall fussy. About everything. We get glimpses of what it will be like when she stops the fussiness, but most days I would guess she spends a good 2/3 of her awake time just fussing for no reason. You hold her she fusses. You put her down she fusses. You play with her on the floor, she fusses. And so on.

    All of this!

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