Have a new way of looking at things, thoughts, suggestions?

Robeano · November 2011

So after much crying and talking with DH. (oh man it was so hard to watch him cry about the whole IF situation Sad ) I have this idea.

I want to believe that I will be pregnant before my 30th birthday (which is just under a year from now). And I was thinking that I should live my life like it will happen before then. So essentially giving myself a year to "prepare" for things. Like, losing weight, paying off debts, finishing reno's in the house.

So my thinking is, if I'm pregnant a year from now what is it that I want to accomplish by then? I dunno, I've been finding myself "eating my feelings" and my weight loss has stalled. I've been finding that I want to buy things to make me feel better. It's like living in the here and now has basically had me doing nothing productive but whine and cry and be sad I'm not pregnant. But there are so many things that NEED to get done before I can have a baby. Being healthy, finishing off our bedroom in the basement (we currently live with drywall and insulation, not a suitable place for a baby).

So bascially I'm trying to get myself out of this depressed funk that I am in. And if I tell myself I'll be pregnant a year from now, well if I'm not, I'll deal with it then . I really can't stand the person I become when I am this upset.

has anybody else tried this approach, did it last? Any suggestions on improvements, any ideas I haven't thought of? I really do appreciate your ladies input on these situations. Thanks!

jerseygirl612 · November 2011

Girl, I am feeling same as you. BFN today at 12dpo, so I think I am out. Had a talk with DH too who doesnt want to do IUI/injectables until 3 more rounds of Clomid. blah!! Right now I am trying to stay happy since we are going to Florida tomorrow.

I try the approach you suggested also and it does help a little. Over the summer I was CONSUMED with TTC to the point I stressed myself sick. I told myself that its out of my hands! (I am Christian, so I give up my worries to Him) but I also made myself start doing things so I dont just sit and worry. I have been going on Pier 1 shopping sprees and am almost done redecorating our downstairs. We got granite counters last week! I decorated for Christmas early this past weekend, I make dinner plans as much as I can. I cook new recipes. (foodgawker.com is addicting!) and I plan/research for vacation ideas next year. I am picking either Hawaii or Italy for next year and doing all the research on my own. So far it is keeping my mind occupied! I hope you can find comfort in other things too.

Robeano · November 2011

jerseygirl612:

Girl, I am feeling same as you. BFN today at 12dpo, so I think I am out. Had a talk with DH too who doesnt want to do IUI/injectables until 3 more rounds of Clomid. blah!! Right now I am trying to stay happy since we are going to Florida tomorrow.

I try the approach you suggested also and it does help a little. Over the summer I was CONSUMED with TTC to the point I stressed myself sick. I told myself that its out of my hands! (I am Christian, so I give up my worries to Him) but I also made myself start doing things so I dont just sit and worry. I have been going on Pier 1 shopping sprees and am almost done redecorating our downstairs. We got granite counters last week! I decorated for Christmas early this past weekend, I make dinner plans as much as I can. I cook new recipes. (foodgawker.com is addicting!) and I plan/research for vacation ideas next year. I am picking either Hawaii or Italy for next year and doing all the research on my own. So far it is keeping my mind occupied! I hope you can find comfort in other things too.

Same, and that's the hard part. If I keep stressting about it, and then I'm not trusting Him.

Thanks for the encouragement, it's good to know one is not alone

TJ1979 · November 2011

You're not alone. I wish I had an answer for you. I have been finding myself eating or shopping away my feelings as well. I keep saying I don't want to let IF rule my life, but it totally is. Every time MH tries to plan a vacation, I argue that I may be in the middle of a cycle, or I may be in a 2ww, or I may be KU. But I need to quit letting those be excuses. Also, every time MH tries to buy anything, I get so upset and cringe on the inside, because what if that money he just spent is the money that we end up needing for IVF or adoption, and can't afford it now because he just had to have that new thing. I hope that your new outlook works for you. Please let me know, and I will work on changing mine if so. I'm just worried about the feelings of failure if you don't meet that deadline - I don't do well with that. GL.

eponine7682 · November 2011

I think that this is a very positive way to look at things, however I agree with pps that you shouldn't focus so much on the deadline, rather than what you want to accomplish before you do have a baby. I had set two deadlines for myself in the past, and both times I didn;t meet them I was completely devestated. However, I think you are on the right track to getting yourself out of a funk. Best of luck to you!

Robeano · November 2011

That is a good advice about the deadline. I guess I was hoping for the power of positive thinking lol.

I just know that letting it ruin/rule my life (IF that is) isn't healthy for me. As in if I knew two and half years ago that I would not be pregnant I would have lost more weight and hopefully be less in debt

thanks ladies

tgreenf · November 2011

I think you are on the right track. Just focus on the things you CAN control. For the longest time I had a to do list a mile long. But I kept saying, I just don't "feel" like doing anything. Then I realized I was not only having anxiety about TTC, but also the fact that I was getting nothing done because of it. So I picked myself up and got busy. The feeling of accomplishment, even if its the smallest thing, can help relieve anxiety and make you feel like you are getting somewhere!

Hope you feel better soon!

pantsarella · November 2011

This is the kind of approach I'm taking. There were lots of physical things that I wanted to do before we had a baby. Eat right, exercise, etc. So I started and I found it really hard to keep up with. If I had a bad day, I just didn't care about it because we "weren't having a baby anyway". I got really bitter and angry towards my body on those days. So I started working towards something else. A triathlon. And now my diet is better than ever and I'm always going to the gym because I keep remembering that if I don't, there's no way I'm going to finish the race next year. It is so much easier to put those aspects on an external goal than one inside my body that I can't control. Come August, the race will happen. Come August, I still might not be pregnant. But I'll have been healthy the whole time.

In terms of money, I've found it hard to justify saving when again, "we aren't having a baby anyway". So DH has a goal to pay down as much of our mortgage as possible. We've made extra payments now for a year. I want to save for a trip to Iceland in 2014. If we end up pregnant, we can always stop paying extra on the mortgage and saving for vacation and move that money to the baby. If not, Iceland here we come! And we saved that whole time.

I think the turning point for me was rationalizing that even if we can't have a baby in the next year or two, there are other things that we can do to keep us busy and make us happy. That's not to say we'll be happy without a baby in the long run because we won't be. But that doesn't mean that we can't be healthy and make the right choices in the short term.

I hope that you find whatever works for you!

pillowass · November 2011

I hope you don't mind me replying - I'm a lurker on this board (I post on TTC 35+), but this is an approach that my counselor has recommended to me, and I have found it to be tremendously helpful.

We focus on "preparing" rather than "trying" for a baby. It helps us put energy toward the things we can control, rather than losing our mind trying to change the things we cannot control.

Good luck! And just think, I pay my counselor $150 per month for this advice which you came up with all on your own. Smile

Robeano · November 2011

pillowass:

I hope you don't mind me replying - I'm a lurker on this board (I post on TTC 35+), but this is an approach that my counselor has recommended to me, and I have found it to be tremendously helpful.

We focus on "preparing" rather than "trying" for a baby. It helps us put energy toward the things we can control, rather than losing our mind trying to change the things we cannot control.

Good luck! And just think, I pay my counselor $150 per month for this advice which you came up with all on your own.

I don't mind you posting at all

Thanks for the encouragement. I like the way you phrased it, preparing for a baby than trying. Cuz if we can't have our own child we will adopt so eventually we will have children.

Thanks

Want a personalized experience?

Have a new way of looking at things, thoughts, suggestions?

Re: Have a new way of looking at things, thoughts, suggestions?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards