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Single Parents
Feeling like an outcast.....
I feel like ever since STBXH left I have been outcasted by everyone. My own friends barely speak to me or want to hang out. My family has been a million times more supportive but it's like everyone I thought as close to me vanished. I see their Facebook posts about hanging out and doing fun things but I am never invited nor do they come hang out with me when I invite them (even on baby playdates). I don't even know why. I never lost contact with these people when I was with H. We used to hang out all the time.
One particular friend of mine said she's not too fond of hanging out because she'd rather head out to the bar. Other friends won't return my calls or answer my texts/ messages. A few showed at R's birthday party but most left within 30-45 minutes later.
Do they think I will be some depressed wreck and complain to them the entire time? I am just not understanding. I never talk about what happened with H unless they ask. I answer their question then change the subject.
It's really starting to bother me that I feel like I am being turned away for no reason. It hurts and I feel more alone than ever. Though ONE person has been texting me every single day: one of H's player friends just to tell me how lonely he is and wants a cuddle buddy. Wow.
Sorry about the vent, I just don't know what to do. I told one friend how much is bothered me and all she said was "sorry for being such a crappy friend". I haven't heard from her since.
And I apologize for any typos, my keyboard is acting up and the keys aren't working properly.
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Re: Feeling like an outcast.....
I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I have had a lot of feelings/thoughts like that. My problem is that I don't want to tell most people whats going on bc of the embarrassment factor plus I'm not sure where I am headed in all of this mess. My biggest frustration and anger caused moments come from those who say if you need anything, anything at all don't hesitate to call ::cough, cough, my mil:: Then when I call because I am out of any and all options I get the run around. I'm getting it from my family too. Right now I have to figure out a hopefully temporary living situation for my dogs. I can't find a soul to watch even one of them. So for now they are living at our house alone with a dog sitter stopping by a couple times a day. They are a mess and unsupervised are tearing my house apart bc of anxiety. I've had to relocate to hopefully more money but I can't do anything about the house and dogs while dh is in the hospital. Just maintaing the house on my own will be pure dumb luck right now. If it werent for my sister and my therapist I'd probably need the padded room right next to my husband. This personal privacy feels more and more like lonerville
Yes, it has been only two weeks. But when you speak with these people almost every single day and then they start to ignore you it does feel a bit like being abandoned. These people were mostly just friends of mine, not his. I'm aware they may not know how to act around me but I don't see that as a good reason to completely ignore me. If a friend of mine went through something like that I would try to be there for her, if not in person, then at least with an open ear or just someone to shoot the shiit with. I know I have to learn how to deal with being alone. But having the support of your friends completely disappearing, it's a bit of a kick in the ass.....
I'll just have to learn who my real friends are then and move on with my life. It's a shame things have to be that way but oh well. Thanks for the advice.
I went through something very similar the first year after ExH and I split (or whatever you want to call it). Honestly, it had very little to do with people picking sides and more to do with the fact that people just didn't know what to say around me. When I talk to them about that time now, most of them admit to feeling like they had to walk on eggshells around me so it was just easier to stay away.
My advice, confront (in a nice way) the people you are extremely close to. Let them know how you're doing and how much you need them right now. If it's people that you don't feel comfortable enough talking to about it, maybe it's best to give it time or consider whether or not you want them in your life to begin with.
I guarantee that your true friends will still be around in the years to come and that you won't have time to worry about the people who didn't care enough to stick around through the good and the bad.