Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Aimathy
member
We are obviously heartbroken...she is only 61. Her grandkids are the loves of her life and my brother, sister and myself are all struggling with how to tell our children that Grandma died.
Re: I'm heartbroken. How to talk to 3 yr old about death of Grandma
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Only experience with losing my gma, not my mom. I told the kids my gma was in the hospital, that her body was sick and soon she would go to heaven. We'd already discussed it when DD was 3 and DS was 5 b/c we talked about how my gpa went to heaven for the same reasons. So, they had a frame of reference. I tried to be very careful to explain that this wasn't an illness like one they could catch and that their bodies were old and tired. I didn't hide my feelings from them, but I didn't ask them to comfort me either. I did tell them at times that I was going to be having a tough day and they could appreciate that.
I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. (((hugs)))
I am so sorry about your mom.
My mom died when my niece was 6 and my nephews were 2 and a baby. The 6 year old was with my mom all the time while my sister worked. She would spend every weekend there, and they were BFF's. My nieces whole world was her Grandma Chi Chi and vice versa. My mom died very suddenly in her sleep at only 57 and my sister was just devestated to tell my niece (the boys were too young to really know what was going on).
Our family is religious, and so the obvious route was that Grandma went to Heaven to be with Jesus and she is going to look over us and will always be with us stuff. At 6 she had a very basic Sunday School knowledge that heaven is where people go when they die, but it was really hard for her to grasp that she would never see my mom again.
I would ask her to tell you stories about her and grandma and write down all the stories in your DD's voice. Exaclty the way she says them. Mispronunciations and all.
I would also go buy some of those voice recording books from hallmark. Your moms voice will be the first thing you forget. I would give anything to have one of those books with my moms voice.
Put a picture of your mom and DD in a frame in her room. Say good morning to grandma each day, and say goodnight each night. Remind her of funny or special times. Tell her stories about your mom when you were her age.
Your family will be in my prayers.
www.facebook.com/TryVermontFirst
I love these two beautiful children!
I am so sorry for your loss!
We lost FIL last year when DD#1 was 5 1/2, DS was 4, and DD#2 was 9 months. We sat the kids down (with us crying) and explained that Grandpa had died and he was in Heaven with God. We further explained that we were sad and that we missed Grandpa and that it was okay to miss Grandpa and to be sad/cry.
FIL had cancer and had been very sick for a long time, so we knew this would happen. We talked to our pediatrician about this in advance and we had discussed what to say/do. He advised us to also be clear that the kids did NOT cause this and that in NO way was it their fault (he said kids this young can sometimes feel that they are responsible for mommy/daddy being sad).
Our kids handled it pretty well. DS asked MIL, "Nana, is Grandpa done being dead yet?" when he saw her, so it didn't sink in with him. When flying home after the services, DD#1 was looking out the window of the plane. DH asked what she was doing and she said, "Looking for heaven and Grandpa and God." So sweet!!!
We used the same process when we lost our DS#2 at 22 weeks pregnant. We were very clear that it is okay to ask about or talk about Gabriel and to ask questions and that it was certainly okay to be sad and that Mommy and Daddy are very sad. Every once in a while, they still ask us if we miss Gabriel and we are honest: "Yes, we do."
When we announced our current pregnancy, it brought our loss of Gabriel back (as if we would forget!). "Is this baby going to die?" "Is this baby okay?" "Do you miss Gabriel?" We answer honestly as we can and it still makes me cry but I do not want our son to be a taboo topic or for them to be afraid to ask the questions they have.
Good luck to you!
I am a lurker but had to reply.
I lost my mom last year (actually a yr ago this past wkd) to breast cancer. My son was 2 1/2 and LOVED and adored his "purple maw mum". We saw her several times a week. SHe was actually diagnosed with cancer not even a week before we had him. We are christians so we explained to him that she had died and is in heaven now with Jesus.
I made him a scrapbook that has pictures of him with her in it. I still need to write in it about her and her fav's. He talks about her being in his belly (instead of heart not sure why- same with Jesus). and that she is in Heaven with Jesus palying with Sammy (my mil's dog who had died before she did). Occasionaly he will ask if when she gets back from heaven if she can do this or that. Recently it was go to his birthday party. It broke my heart.
I will gently remind him that she cannot come back but if have Jesus in our hearts we will see her when we die.
I also tell him that I too miss her.
I know that at his age he will probably not remember her and that just kills me because he loved her so much and she loved him. I am crying writing this.
Just be honest. Try to preserve the memories as much as possible by asking your child memories. like do you remember this or that and write it down. Make a scrapbook or photo album of him/her with Grandma. Keep it out in the open.
Do not be afraid to let your child see you cry. They need to know its okay to cry. If you see something that reminds you of your mom let your child know that.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is really tough. I had always imagined that my children and I would be much older before I would lose a parent.
HUGS
About 3 weeks ago my husband's great grandmother passed away, she was 97 and it was her time. But we tried to explain to DS that she was sick, went to sleep, but he didn't understand. He kept asking why we didn't just give her medicine. Eventually we told him that Gram was dancing with Pop now and they are together.
https://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-talk-to-your-preschooler-about-death_65688.bc
I am so sorry for you, your mother, your family, and your child. Please know that you can and will get through this.
My mom passed away suddenly Dec 18 2010. DD was 2 1/2. Her "Gamma" was her best friend. Her sudden passing was quite difficult. I won't lie....the first few months were pretty rough for both her and I. However, it amazes me how quickly little ones accept things and move on. She still talks about Gamma but more often than not it is more matter of fact, "that's my Gamma," or "Gamma and I did X." We had a small set back in early September but she has bounced back pretty quickly. There are a lot of great books and resources out there.
Also, we had dinner with my Dad at his house this evening. My DD didn't mention my mom once. She was too excited to help my Dad make homemade pizza and play with him. It's rough but you all will find a new "normal."
This brought tears to my eyes! So happy for you.