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February 2012 Moms
Meganequine
member
BIL parenting vent. . . and WWYD?
Meganequine
member
So first a vent- I love my ILs, but sometimes they drive me bonkers. My BIL does not have good parenting skills (IMO), but I normally just keep my mouth shut. He's divorced, so I don't know what my newphew is like @ his mom's. My BIL lives 2 hours away now and when he comes into town to be with his son he has no where to "live" and ends up spedning much of the time at our house-- so I get to see the parenting choices that drive me crazy over long extended periods of time! I don't say anything because 1- he's not my child and 2- any comment I make is ignored because i "don't have a kid" (Which I get, but let's not ignore the fact that I worked in daycare and am an elementary teacher and have much more experience working with children than he does. See the resuts at school of poor parenting and on top of that spent my college years learning about child developement).
So I come to my point/WWYD. My BIL does not have my newhpew (age 4 1/2) try any foods. I get being a picky eater, but this just goes to far. Here is the list of things that my newphew will eat: chicken nuggets, McDonalds hamburgers, yogurt, pancakes and desserts. That's it. If he doesn't like what is being served he whines, cries, BIL gives in and will go buy whatever it is he wants to eat. So- when he eats at our house he never eats anything the rest of us are eating.
Well, they are/were going to eat Thanksgiving with us. BIL said that I better have some chicken nuggets in the freezer to make for dinner. So, I said that no- there would be no chicken nuggets at Thanksgiving dinner. He flipped out at me, went off about how I didn't have a child who wouldn't eat turkey or mashed potatoes and we had to serve something he would eat. (Side note, I make much more than just turkey and mashed potatoes- there would be plenty he could eat!)
Am I being a b***ch my not catering to his child and just this one time not allowing him to make other food for him? (It's not like his kid has a medical reason for what he eats, nor does he have issue maintaining his weight) I just feel like it's rude when I'm making all this food for them to eat. My knee-jerk reaction was fine-- he can make chicken nuggets, but then I'm only serving ham, deviled eggs and cheesy-corn bake because that's the food I like. (Which I won't do, of course, I'll make turkey for my husband, mashed pototoes and other things for my other BIL who will be joining us too.) I dunno- thoughts. (And if your stuck with my long post. . . thanks!)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BIL parenting vent. . . and WWYD?
First - that is ridiculous! That boy needs some nutrition, but it is apparent that BIL is not going to touch that problem anytime soon.
Here is my take: if your child has a very specific thing that they will eat and they won't eat what is offered, then YOU (meaning BIL) should be responsible for bringing that food for your child. If he does bring another food for him, you should let him prepare it and let the kid eat it (as long as he stays out of your way in the kitchen). You aren't going to be able to fix this at a holiday meal, so it would probably be less stressful for everyone if BIL just feeds his kid what he will eat that day.
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As someone with a bit of a special diet, in a family of people with special diets, we usually cater to each other and ensure there is something that person can eat.
Although, the situation mentioned above is more about parenting and not agreeing with how he parents, so you are voicing your criticisms by not supporting/taking part in his choices. I would be more offended that he demanded you supply these special food choices. If there was something very specific I needed to eat, or one of my children needed to eat, I would make sure that I brought it, especially when someone was already going through the trouble of making a big holiday meal. The exception would be at my mom's house, when I would ask her if she minded picking up something like chicken nuggets when getting her other groceries.
I would hold my ground as well, since he seems to be acting like a douche, telling him if he wants something specific, he can bring and cook it. it's not on your menu.
I don't think its wrong not to have chicken nuggets. I think your BIL has spoiled him when it comes to eating, especially if he has a tantrum if he isn't served any of his favorite foods. I would say that if your BIL really wants his son to eat chicken nuggets instead of all the wonderful food you cooked, then he should supply them.
THIS. I would tell him, "This is what is on my menu. If this does no work for you I suggest you bring an alternative so there won't be a problem." Done, and DONE.
This. I wouldn't stop him from preparing chicken nuggets for the child- but he should purchase and prepare said chicken nuggets his darn self.
Exactly!!!!
Another picky 3 1/2 year old... her dinners are the basics- mac & cheese, nuggets, grilled cheese, pizza, a few others... but that often interferes with dinner at relative's houses. Part of being a parent is packing a bag! That includes a change of clothes, diapers (if needed), and FOOD!!! So as long as my DD is as picky of an eater as she is, I will continue to cater to her when we go to relative's houses. Like a PP said, the tantrums stay at home (or she'll occasionally try something new at my parents or ILs house).
I cannot BELIEVE your BIL has the nerve to be upset with you for not catering to your nephew. Sure he's 4. This is what you're cooking- if he doesn't like it, it is your BIL's job to fix that. You don't need to work chicken nuggets into your Thanksgiving menu. Hands down.
Oh and PS, if he wants to pull the "you don't have a child" bullsh!t with you, you can say in return "you're right. i don't. YOU DO. so go fix YOUR SON some dinner."
Thanks everyone for the responses. We'll see how it goes. H told BIL it'd be nice if he at least offer the food served to his son, then if he doesn't want it he can make him chicken nuggets. (He never even offers served food anymore)
I guess part of my annoyance/issue is that for 2 months he stayed with us (evening and entire weekends). So it's not like he was a "guest" during that time he basically "lived" with us. During that entire time I never saw an attempt to parent or combat the tantrums or have him try any different food. He simply gives him what he wants-- and it's been like this for as long as I can remember, so it's not like it's just a phase my newphew is going through. Plus, once after BIL left to get him McDonalds and by the time he got back my newphew had stopped whining/tantruming, gotten sick of sitting at the table, was hungry and eaten the some of the food he was served. Of course once he saw the McDonalds that was over.
I just keep reminding myself-- not your child, not your problem. And, as my mother reminds me not to let it bother me and be bitter/rude like my MIL would.