WWYD re: Shower guests?

Mrs.MillerJune2008 · November 2011

When I first found out I was pg, I was SO excited to tell my family in person. I live in SC and family lives in MA. I was about 7 weeks when I told my family, and my SIL offered to throw a baby shower when DH and I return for Christmas. Fast foward a few months and that same SIL is now pg and due a month after us. She has said NOTHING about the shower, and I really don't want to press the issue since the week between Christmas and NYE is so busy for everyone anyway. This is my dilemma - now my only shower is in SC at the end of Jan. and I'm not sure if I should invited my extended family (cousins etc.). With no shower in MA I am certainly inviting close family, but I didn't know if I should invite extended family that I know won't be able to make it. I was invited to all of their showers in New England while I was down here, but it feels weird to invite like 15 people who are out of state... WWYD?

avalovesart · November 2011

Personally I wouldn't invite extended family...to me it would imply "Send me a gift." It was nice of them to invite you to theirs, but it makes more sense because you might have actually been going to MA anyway since your own family is there, turned the other way they have no reason to come to SC except for the shower...and of course it is extremely doubtful that will happen.

Sept1799 · November 2011

I personally wouldn't invite someone I knew couldn't come. But that is just me. On the other hand my mil invited everyone oot just for the gift. I guess that is what their family does. She has gotten plenty of bridal shower and baby shower invites that they knew she wasn't going to. I guess she said it was her turn to do the inviting. So I would say special snowflake here. It depends how your fmaily works.

waterfall213 · November 2011

I wouldn't invite all of the extended family if you know they can't come. If they want to send you a gift they will when the baby arrives but they won't feel like they have to send you one.

Lena122 · November 2011

I disagree with PPs because I think you should invite extended family even if you know they can't/won't attend. I think it's the thought that counts and personally I don't feel pressure to send a gift to an event I'm not attending.

Sept1799 · November 2011

Lena122:
I disagree with PPs because I think you should invite extended family even if you know they can't/won't attend. I think it's the thought that counts and personally I don't feel pressure to send a gift to an event I'm not attending.

I disagree and I think many people would feel they have to send a gift if they got an invite and they could not attend. I don't know any person IRL that doesn't send one. Even if its something small.

hhartt · November 2011

I am in VA and DH is from PA, we had to invite all of his female relatives because it would be "rude" according to his mom if we didn't..... I didn't invite my aunts and cousins in ME, bc it is not expected from my side of the family, so I think it depends on the expectations of your family.

Mrs.MillerJune2008 · November 2011

Yeah - I just don't know what to do. I was invited to ALL of their showers, and lived out of state for all of them. Of course, myself and one other cousin were the only people not within driving distance... I don't want to appear gift grabby of course, but I also did something for all of them in celebration. Meh.

karleegirl · November 2011

Mrs.MillerJune2008:
Yeah - I just don't know what to do. I was invited to ALL of their showers, and lived out of state for all of them. Of course, myself and one other cousin were the only people not within driving distance... I don't want to appear gift grabby of course, but I also did something for all of them in celebration. Meh.

If that's the norm in your family then invite them.

Sept1799 · November 2011

karleegirl:
Mrs.MillerJune2008:
Yeah - I just don't know what to do. I was invited to ALL of their showers, and lived out of state for all of them. Of course, myself and one other cousin were the only people not within driving distance... I don't want to appear gift grabby of course, but I also did something for all of them in celebration. Meh.
If that's the norm in your family then invite them.

I agree. It sound likes it the norm. If they invited you then invite them.

Lena122 · November 2011

Mrs.MillerJune2008:
Yeah - I just don't know what to do. I was invited to ALL of their showers, and lived out of state for all of them. Of course, myself and one other cousin were the only people not within driving distance... I don't want to appear gift grabby of course, but I also did something for all of them in celebration. Meh.

I think this answers your question. If they invited you, it's polite to invite them.

Mrs_Est11.11.06 · November 2011

IMO...dont invite them, wait until your LO is here and send birth announcements to them, (My cousin did this and it went over well with our older more traditional family members) ...this way they feel included in the celebration of the new baby without the added pressure to travel to attended a shower. Those who truly want to send you a gift will without feeling obligated.

arey91 · November 2011

hhartt:
I am in VA and DH is from PA, we had to invite all of his female relatives because it would be "rude" according to his mom if we didn't..... I didn't invite my aunts and cousins in ME, bc it is not expected from my side of the family, so I think it depends on the expectations of your family.

Kinda where I am at, ive been told that it would be rude if I did not invite them or only a few because itd make drama in the family. His family live about an hr away while all of mine lives far away in ca and i only invited about 10 of my friends and close family friends here. Just do what you believe is appropriate for your situation; dont want drama in the end is how I see it.

nada_steph · November 2011

If they found out you had a shower thrown for you and they weren't invited, would they be offended/hurt/upset?

soralette · November 2011

Lena122:
I disagree with PPs because I think you should invite extended family even if you know they can't/won't attend. I think it's the thought that counts and personally I don't feel pressure to send a gift to an event I'm not attending.

I agree with this.

Mrs.MillerJune2008 · November 2011

nada_steph:
If they found out you had a shower thrown for you and they weren't invited, would they be offended/hurt/upset?

I can only assume that they would. We have never had that kind of family drama before Smile

I plan on talking with my mom about it too, but feel I need to give my SC hostess a heads up if I'm going to be requesting 10+ more invites as she tends to make her own. Thanks ladies!

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