DH just doesn't understand

Trish11278 · November 2011

SIL is pg with her second. We started trying before she was pg with her first. I am very happy for her because her and my brother are amazing parents and I love being an aunt. Although she is a AW a lot! The holidays were going to be rough for me anyway because of our m/c but now I feel it is going to be worse because now everyone will be talking about her pregnancy instead of mine.

DH didn't understand why I was upset and got very upset with me. He said that I can't worry about other people's lives and can't let it effect mine. I wish I could explain it to him in a way that he would understand. I told him that it upsets me because it will be a constant reminder of what I don't have anymore. He said that everything is a constant reminder for him but he doesn't get upset about it. UGH! I wish men would understand how we feel sometimes.

Sorry so long! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

kellygksu · November 2011

I'm sorry. I have a friend who just posted her pg announcement on FB yesterday. I already knew about it, but it still stung a little to see it there. And like you, it's not that I'm not happy for her, and I get that her pregnancy has nothing to do with my ability to get pg, but it's just so unfair that it's so hard for some of us!

I hope that your weekend gets better!

matthewsbride05 · November 2011

Hugs...Try to do something for you this weekend.

tgreenf · November 2011

Oh hon, I am so sorry! (((hugs))) My husband is the exact same way. They just don't do emotions they way we do! Take care of yourself, and have a good cry if you need to!

tombomb84 · November 2011

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I completely understand how you feel...my DH is the same way and was annoyed that I was so devastated after our c/p. I think it is just a completely different experience for men, but you have a whole board of women here who understand 100%.

dragontears507 · November 2011

So sorry to hear that you are having such a crummy day. I'm a bit of a planner myself, so I totally understand what you mean that it stings to know that you not only won't be celebrating your p/g during the holidays, but now you'll be celebrating someone else's. I'm sorry DH doesn't get it. Just know that we do!

kerivp · November 2011

I totally understand where you're coming from. I cried like a baby when I found out my cousin was pregnant with #2. Her daughter and my son are the same age. All I could think of was my 2 miscarriages and how sad (and angry) that made me.

My husband also doesn't quite get it.

(((hugs)))

kz's_girlygirl · November 2011

I completely understand this. My DH doesn't get why things bother me; or rather why I actually let them bother me. IRS easy for him to just say things will happen in time. It's such a different experience for men, I think. I hope you feel better soon, and don't have too much difficulty during the holidays. They can definitely be brutal, but I'll keep you in my T&P's.

TJ1979 · November 2011

I'm so sorry, I understand. Men just don't get how we feel. The holidays will be rough for me too. My cousin and I were due 10 days apart before I lost mine. The holidays will be really hard for me too. You will be in my T&P, just try to make it through. GL.

Trish11278 · November 2011

Thanks ladies! I knew you would understand. I think men just have a different way that they handle things like this. I just wish he wouldn't get upset with me because of it. That just makes it worse.

watkinae · November 2011

Sorry Trish. I definitely know how you feel. I also found out that my SIL is pregnant with her second. Had my last IUI been successful our due dates would've been a week apart. They are staying with us Thanksgiving weekend and I just hope that she isn't an AW about the whole thing.

As for your DH, maybe try explaining to him that you're not jealous of what your brother and SIL have, just sad for what you guys don't have yet. And if your SIL is the AW type like you mentioned then it's a constant reminder.

pulga131 · November 2011

I'm sorry sweetie! You have been through so much lately! Men just honestly don't have the same genetic makeup that we do. MH tries to understand how I can laugh and cry and be sad and happy at the same time and a million other emotions and he just doesn't understand it. But he understands that it happens. It would be nice if they felt the same way that we do for one day. I hope you get your blessing next cycle and then you can be the AW of the family

MsGMChick · November 2011

Trish11278:
Thanks ladies! I knew you would understand. I think men just have a different way that they handle things like this. I just wish he wouldn't get upset with me because of it. That just makes it worse.

First, I want to say how sorry I am that you're feeling isolated from him. That's really hard during this process. Second, I wanted to share a story. After our mc MH and I did pretty much this exact same thing. I was a mess for a long time and everyone else on the earth was pregnant but us. All I wanted was for MH to understand instead of telling me to stop worrying about everyone else and try to think ahead when it will be our turn. This, of course, just made me more mad!! His sister was KU, my friends, half of FB, 4 people at my work- and I could go no where without staring at a baby bump. I felt like I wanted to hole up somewhere. Of course I was happy for them and them being pregnant doesn't change our chances but they had the only thing I wanted.

About 3 months ago I was crying, again. MH was doing his usual, "I don't understand why you're so upset" and it got ugly. I wish I could remember exactly what I said but it was probably pretty blunt and I think it consisted of a very ugly, "You didn't love our baby because you won't be sad with me." (told you it was ugly) But something clicked for him in that. He broke down and told me not a day goes by that he doesn't love and miss our baby. His defense mechanism is to just not think about it because it hurts so much. We talked for a long time about how I felt alone because he made it seem like I was crazy for being sad. We talked about how ignoring it won't fix it. Since that day, I have never felt closer to him. He makes my kind of snide remarks now, squeezes my hand at the sight of pregnant women, and is already prepared (without my having anything to do with it) with a christmas STFU we know we don't have kids.

I'm not saying YH will do this, but understand that just because they won't acknowledge the pain, doesn't mean they don't feel it. They're hurting as well. A man who has been through this whole process with you, WANTS this baby. But as a man they are suppose to be strong and protect you and FIX this- and they can't. We have our ways of coping, they have theirs. Maybe talk to him about how alone you feel and see what happens.

I'm sorry this turned into a novel. I'm still kind of emotional I suppose about it all. Good luck sweets. ((huge huge hugs)) I'm pulling for you guys in Dec.

AshleyR2452 · November 2011

((hugs)) Men just don't understand. Even when you're happy for the person, it still stings...A LOT, when you are trying so hard and it comes so easy for other people. I'm so sorry for what you are going through!

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