Husband just doesnt get it sometimes...

Re: Husband just doesnt get it sometimes...

• dimples5214 member

  November 2011

  I brought my hubby to my first appt. with me and the MW told him straight out that I feel like I've been hit by a truck, so to take it easy on me! I thanked her!

  

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• Jessie_dc22

  November 2011

  My husband was this way with me during our first pregnancy.  He said he felt like he lost his best friend/hang-out buddy.   This time around he's much more understanding.  It may just take some time for your husband to really understand what's going on and that he might have to make some sacrifices too.

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• maykious

  November 2011

  I've been pretty lucky, but maybe the next time he asks what you did that made you extra tired, tell him that you grew a pair of kidneys or added color to your baby's irises or something. Maybe not super helpful, but sometimes a snarky comment is exactly what my DH needs to fully understand the gravity of the situation.

  Also, I've been including DH on everything I've been reading--not necessarily making him read everything, but pointing things out, reading passages out loud, etc. I have three pregnancy tracker apps on my phone that update daily (obsessive much?) and usually tell him what they say. Also, I'm always telling him about my nausea episodes and how constant it is. He says that he's impressed and couldn't do that himself.

  Finally, the other night he asked me exactly how I was feeling in full detail. So I told him everything--my boobs are killing me, my back hurts, I'm nauseous all the time  and food helps but doesn't get rid of it, but not eating makes it worse, but no food at all sounds or looks appetizing, my body hurts all over, I'm so tired all the time, my moods are all over the place, I have to pee every 45 to 60 minutes, I can't drink enough water, etc.,...he paused for a minute and said it sounded miserable. I told him that frankly, it is, but knowing the cause of all this misery makes it livable. Livable, but not a walk in the park. So please, understand and help me out.
  

  

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• 8daysaweek member

  November 2011

  I've found it helps to tell H the things I read about what's happening with the baby this week. I remember when one of my emails said that it was the week for the heart and lungs to develop H was like "Whoa, you're doing big work this week!" It kind of reminds him that for all of this stuff with the baby to happen, I have to provide the energy and everything to make it happen.
  

  DD Lea 04/21/10
  DS Nathan 12/4/12
  BFP: 3/31/15 EDD: 12/4/15
  
  
  MC: 7/2011, 12/2011
  

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• Naga

  November 2011

  DH is the same way, I will say that I wont go out with him to hang out with his buddy (all of his friend does is just constantly drinking and hooking up with girls, DH despise them but they always there for him so he kind of think he owes them) anyway, he will be, "why are you tired, I've been working all day too" I'll just go and told him that I have peanut inside of me that is growing right now.

  Just make sure you elaborate clearly to your DH about what you are experiencing, I did that for couple days/weeks now DH are more understanding than ever. 
  

  

  BFP 11/04/11 M/C 11/26/11

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• ladymk

  November 2011

   

  My husband began to be a real a** to me about feeling tired all the time.

  Having an impartial party speak up for you really helps! Our doctor was very sympathetic and that helped him to understand much better
  

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• mtnmama712

  November 2011

  I agree with the others who say they fill their husbands in on what they're reading.   Is he the reading type?  It sounds like he could use one of the more humorous pregnancy books written for men.

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• zappatini member

  November 2011

  I have been feeling the same way as well as feeling like his excitement factor was off from how I was feeling.  He's not carrying the baby so to some extent he will obviously never understand how we feel, but I really want to feel like we are sorta on the same page and he can understand where I am coming from on things.  The other night I ended up sitting down with my DH and told him that I was really excited about being pregnant and the two of us getting to go thru this together.  I explained that I had picked up some prenatal DVDs so I could get some exercise in and some books that I could read to learn more about what I would be going thru.  I told him I wasn't going to push him to read stuff I thought he should read, but asked him if he would mind taking some time to look into pregnancy stuff from a male perspective.  He totally didn't get it and asked why.  Basically I explained to him that there are certain things I might not be in the mood for (sex sometimes), or might not be able to do anymore (like painting rooms of the house cause we just moved), or things I couldn't eat thus we would not be having for dinner, plus there were other things I knew he could help with if not take the reins on like how we should be budgeting for our new little one.  Then he kinda started to get it and said he would get on it and was actually excited that he could be involved.  I think he was feeling like this is my thing at least until I get so big that it was obvious there was a baby in there.
  

  
  Make a pregnancy ticker

  

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• purplehaze11 member

  November 2011

  My husband told me he thinks most pregnancy symptoms are all in people's heads I wanted to throttle him, but instead chose to educate him. Unfortunately for me, he was able to see quickly, when I got sick/high fevers a couple of days ago. We ended up telling my mom, and she has been much more attentive to me, and he has thankfully followed suit.

  DD 15.07.2012

  BFP #2 01.18.2014, MMC 04.10.2014 15w5d

  BFP #3 07.18.2014, MC 07.31.2014 5w6d

  DX: RPL due to submucosal uterine fibroid. Hysteroscopy 12/16. All clear!

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• lizylindz03 member

  November 2011

  Sometimes I think that DH can forget about how much of a toll it takes on the body... But, for the most part hes been asking me how I'm feeling and that sortof thing. I read outloud of a magazine " A non-pregnant woman mountain-climbing is doing just as much work as a pregnant woman who is just sitting there." He got the picture. When I said I was exhausted after grocery shopping.. he said "Oh, thats right your mountain climbing" LOL.

   

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• ashleynaka member

  November 2011

  maykious:

  I've been pretty lucky, but maybe the next time he asks what you did that made you extra tired, tell him that you grew a pair of kidneys or added color to your baby's irises or something. Maybe not super helpful, but sometimes a snarky comment is exactly what my DH needs to fully understand the gravity of the situation.

  Also, I've been including DH on everything I've been reading--not necessarily making him read everything, but pointing things out, reading passages out loud, etc. I have three pregnancy tracker apps on my phone that update daily (obsessive much?) and usually tell him what they say. Also, I'm always telling him about my nausea episodes and how constant it is. He says that he's impressed and couldn't do that himself.

  Finally, the other night he asked me exactly how I was feeling in full detail. So I told him everything--my boobs are killing me, my back hurts, I'm nauseous all the time  and food helps but doesn't get rid of it, but not eating makes it worse, but no food at all sounds or looks appetizing, my body hurts all over, I'm so tired all the time, my moods are all over the place, I have to pee every 45 to 60 minutes, I can't drink enough water, etc.,...he paused for a minute and said it sounded miserable. I told him that frankly, it is, but knowing the cause of all this misery makes it livable. Livable, but not a walk in the park. So please, understand and help me out.
  

   

  You said it perfectly!  DH has been helping with little things here and there, but is much less affectionate these days.  I asked him why he doesn't want to rub my belly and if he truly realizes that I am pregnant.  He said, "yeah, but your belly is not big yet."  I told him that it takes almost a year and to enjoy it while it's still small.

  I think it will all sink in when he sees the first u/s next week.
  

  

   

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• jessicap70486 member

  November 2011

  DH is gone still so he hasn't been here to be a PITA. But when I talk to him and tell him how tired I am he always asks why. The other day when he asked I flat out told him why: I'm working during the day, going to school at night, chasing our three year old in my off time, your gone for a month, I'm growing a baby from scratch AND i've got low iron that the dr is still trying to get back up, which apparently makes me more tired. He hasn't asked me "why" since. Be brutally honest with your DH, sometimes it helps and they get the sarcasm better 

  

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