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School-Aged Children
Intro and a few questions...
Hi I am SAHM I have a 3yo and 5 yo and my daughter just started kindergarten, we had conferences a couple weeks ago and these are the two things I am concerned about, any suggestions on how to handle both would be appreciated. My daughter is very shy, passive, and sensitive.
1. I was told that my daughter is quick to tears, she cries very easily like if someone budges in line in front of her or say something mean. I understand it hurts her feelings but how do I help her better cope and handle the situation in a better way?
2. I was also told that there is a girl in the class that treats my daughter and another girl in the class like...(not sure how to word it) her followers? The teacher thought enough to mention it as a concern being as how they are only in kindergarten. Also I worry because I have seen this child being quite rude and demanding to other children?! How would you handle this situation? Its not that I don't want my child to be friends with her its just that I want her to know she doesn't have to do everything the other kid tells her to do?
TIA for any advice I am just not sure how to handle it. So any help from you ladies that have more experience with older school aged children would be great.
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Re: Intro and a few questions...
Hi and welcome!
I'm also a mom of 2 sensitive kiddos. Both of my kids became more resilient and assertive when they made some good friendships with other kids who were on the quiet/sensitive side like them. It can be tough for kindergartners to find a few close friends early in the year, when they're just figuring out the whole social landscape of school. It can take even longer for quiet kids to connect because they don't reach out to others as readily as more outgoing kids do. On the upside, though, friendships between two quiet kiddos tend to be relatively steady and drama-free.
One thing that can really help is if you can spare a day to help in the classroom, chaperone a trip, or just visit the lunchroom. If you can't do that, just ask the teacher which kids in the class might make a better match for your daughter than her current friends. Then you can talk to your child about it. You can organize a playdate or a meeting at a park with the other child to give the two of them a chance to bond outside the classroom.
I would handle the issue of the bossy girl very delicately. I would very casually ask your DD who she played with at school that day. See how she talks about her interactions with this other child. Get her talking about her experiences. Then you can delicately slide some "mommy-wisdom" into the conversation.
For example:
You: So, who did you play with at recess today?
DD: Mary and Suzy. We played kitty cats.
You: Oh -- that sounds fun. Did you all pretend to be kitty cats?
DD: No, just me and Suzy. Mary makes us be kitty cats and she's always the owner.
You: Really!? How does Suzy feel about that?
DD: I don't know.
You: How do you feel about Mary always getting to be the owner? Do you ever want to be the owner?
DD: Sometimes I do. But I like being a kitty cat too.
You: Well, I think it's nice when people can take turns while they play. You know, if you ever want to be the owner, you can probably just tell Mary that you want to take turns. Or Suzy might want to be the owner! It's okay to tell your friends that you want to take turns when you play.
This way, you help make your DD aware that there are alternatives to letting other kids boss her around. You've gently modeled a way she can handle situations like this, but without directly criticizing a child she may consider her friend.