One year untill we start to TTC! — The Bump
Childless not by choice

One year untill we start to TTC!

Dear Bumpies, Past Bumpies, and Hopeful-to-be Bumpies,

 I have had the biggest break through ever and I really wanted to share the story of my journey thus far.

 About two years ago I realized I wasn't getting any younger and my clock's persistent ticking had put me into baby crazy mode. Every visit from AF the clock would tick twice as loud as it did the previous month. More like baby insanity.I couldn't look at my bf, pee, walk three feet, or breathe with out thinking "baby." I started to HATE my friends who were getting married, having children, or having abortions.  Drunken nights, sober nights, quiet nights, busy nights all I wanted to talk about and try to do was convince my boyfriend that it's okay to have a kid now. Like, right in this very moment. I'm not proud to admit it but he was drugged through babycrazy hell.

I've been making family plans since I was 11. Suddenly, when my timeline said it was time to rumble it seemed like I could get nothing I wanted. My iron is too low (yes, I eat Total, take a multivitamin every day, have a high iron diet, and take SSS Tonic every other day and have been doing so since I was 16; I never miss a beat but I still can't get my iron levels above 11.9) so I'm not allowed to have an at home birth like I always dreamed. My bf hates the idea of living in a suburban neighborhood as I always anticipated doing.

Oh and the excited partner thing, you know where if you told him you were pregnant and he hugs you and tells you how happy he is that we're going to be parents together... you'd be more successful convincing a Tom cat to go for a swim. When we talked about having a child he would talk like it would be the worst thing that could ever happen and how he wanted to wait until he turned 35 to start having kids (He's 24 now). He made it seem like having a kid would crush his soul. About a month after this statement he then proceeded to ttc. I was so alarmed. Did you just...? Yeah? Oh okay. Oh this time too? And the next time... and the next time. When I finally caught on to what he was doing I finally felt at peace. Finally my lover was my partner and we were about to embark on a journey together; I got so ampted up I started really planning for our future. We were finally humming the same tune. WRONG! After four months of ttc, (at the time I was 21) he openly contested that he wasn't actually ttc and explaining to me that he was doing it just to get me off and "couldn't have a kid right now" (weird... he always gets his happy ending after I do).

All I could think about was becoming my lover's biggest regret. I hated myself. I hated my feelings. I hated opening up to him. I hated having dreams.

I stopped everything. I kept my feelings to myself. My worries became my only friend. I became a depressed blob. I had to make the choice, to risk being a disappointment to the one I loved for someone I haven't met or to be fulfilled in my life while I could still do so naturally. It got to a point where I was beating myself up o hard mentally that happiness made me sad. I was telling myself that I had to make a choice between living my dream or being with the love of my life. He gets EVERYTHING he want's in the damn relationship, I feel like the only one who has to sacrifice when it matters is me. I'm not that girl. I'm the modern self-righteous, my way or the high way girl. I pride myself on living my life fulfilled and with out restraints. I hated the person I saw myself as. I started seeing a councilor. I got a dog because everyone was telling me that it was supposed to be so much responsibility. Turns out he wasn't enough responsibility. My depression did subside now that I had a buddy but I began to want more. More specifically babies. I was baby crazed again but different.

My thoughts were filled with how to get my family & giving birth. I considered single motherhood, being a surrogate mother, tricking him, getting pregnant by someone else (Sick, I know), going to my best guy friend for baby gravy. I wanted to keep the bf in my life but I needed to have this family or grow old and regret not fighting for my family.

At this time I subconsciously grew angry at my bf for putting me in this situation. It was his fault he wasn't ready for the excuses he'd been feeding me. He knew since they day we met my family goals and timeline if he wanted to keep this relationship long term he should have gotten his act together when he realized he loved me.

After years and years of feeling like a nut job for wanting a child there was a breakthrough. We landed on the same page. Yesterday after a session of playing the piano he wanted to talk seriously. He and I have decided to take the next year to get our bodies in peak ttc health before we start trying formally October 3rd 2012.

Re: One year untill we start to TTC!

  • Is there a point here?
    Fuuck TTC - I'm moving on.
    imageimageimageimage
    image
    "It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
    "Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
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  • Oh MandyBrown...LMAO

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

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  • baby gravy Ick!
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  • Sorry to rain on your parade, but it's a bit presumptuous that all of the 'bumpies' you've addressed will care about your TTC plans, especially since you had to convince your boyfriend and list all of your other delusions.

    It's no surprise you freaked him out. 

    You should at least have a notion of your audience, too... this isn't it. 

    (Live in Europe) TTC since 1/2010
  • I'm sorry. This is by far the most ridiculous post I have ever read.

    Did you have to come here to post this to make yourself feel better about putting pressure down on your 24 yr old boyfriend to give you a baby? Or was it in hopes that someone would pat you on the back and say your not a whack job and this makes TOTAL sense? This is not a "My Significant Other won't give me a Baby..WAH" board. It is a legit, "due to medical/financial reasons, we will never be mothers." board.  We have that happy exciting partner thing because we are MARRIED(you should look that word up) and that comes with having our wants, dreams, and wishes for the future being in line with one another. DUH.

    You sound young, immature, and well, like a complete idiot. Good luck with your relationship making to October 3, 2012. Then if at that time you are still together and your "peak shape" body is indeed peak, good luck trying to conceive.

  • What. The. Fvck. Seriously. Your boyfriend needs to GTFO. 
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  • I just keep coming back to this....

    1. You don't get to keep the baby when you are a surrogate.

    2. The use of the words "baby" and "gravy" should NEVER be used. Seriously, how would feel if your mom called you a *** and egg mixer?

    3. I bet you aren't even engaged. However, you probably have a date, time, location and a dress already picked out. I bet the ring you want is over 5k and is something that is no where near your college boyfriends budget. 

    4. You need to see a Psychiatrist NOT a Psychologist. The Psychiatrist will write you the script for Droperidol in combo with Fentanyl, which I feel would have a major impact on your thought process.

  • I don't like you. you are a batsh!t crazy delusional individual. get a fvcking clue and go away.
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  • imageDesiraeSunshine:
    I don't like you. you are a batsh!t crazy delusional individual. get a fvcking clue and go away.

    Totally this. Of course she will end up KU.....

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • McIrish...your probably right. Ugh

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!


     

     

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  • Seriously, what is wrong with you? Did you even bother to think about reading this board's description before you went on your narcasistic, socio-pathic rant? This board is for women who have tried, for the most part with their spouse, for YEARS to have a child and after multiple, heartbreaking attempts, and for some of us losses, we are trying to adjust to living a child free life. ,ot a year, not "a while" but for the rest of our lives. 

    I don't think I can come up with a way to say this any clearer - you are either knowingly or recklessly engaging in conduct that deeply hurts people who have already been hurt enough.

    So we see the special blend of cruelty, stupidity, and crazy that you have going on - but no thanks we aren't interested.  

    TTC since July 2009 ^Rosemary^ May 7, 2010 Holding my rainbow, Beatrix, since August 21, 2012
  • My  thoughts exactly.... LOL
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  • imagellchev:

    My thoughts were filled with how to get my family & giving birth. I considered single motherhood, being a surrogate mother, tricking him, getting pregnant by someone else (Sick, I know), going to my best guy friend for baby gravy. I wanted to keep the bf in my life but I needed to have this family or grow old and regret not fighting for my family.

    At this time I subconsciously grew angry at my bf for putting me in this situation. It was his fault he wasn't ready for the excuses he'd been feeding me. He knew since they day we met my family goals and timeline if he wanted to keep this relationship long term he should have gotten his act together when he realized he loved me.

     

    I feel so sorry for you, You are a effing psycho and you dont even realize it. If I was your BF I'd of left your @44 a LOOOOOONG time ago... TRICKING HIM! ARE YOU MADD! I hope you dont get that baby, we dont need anymore of YOU around this planet. Sry... Hormones went WILD.

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  • About two years ago I realized I wasn't getting any younger and my clock's persistent ticking had put me into baby crazy mode.

    ^ I am very confused by this statement... actually, by your entire post. Am I assuming correctly that at the YOUNG age of 21 your biological clock kicked in? Doesn't this usually happen around like 35 or something? :-S

  • Wow what a straight up ***
    sweet baby boy ryan born 6/24/09
    TTC since 8/09 . MC 1/15/10 @ 7w4d // 6/2/10 @ 8w2d
    TTC with no menstrual cycle since 6/10, finally got one 8/25/11 :)
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  • WOW....wrong board, wrong website, wrong on so many levels.....
    TTC since 2009 very frustrated 42yr and DH 40

    5 cycles of Clomid with satisfactory response=BFN's
    Fibroid removal Nov2010
    IUI Clomid #1 Feb 2011...BFN..damn it!
    IUI Inject's #2 Apr 2011...CANCELLED...low estradiol
    IUI Inject's #3 June 2011...BFN
    IUI Inject's #4 Sept2011...BFFN
    Lap Dec 2011...severe endo..cyst removed..some remains...
    IVF#1 Apr 2012 ....cancelled due to over suppression
    IVF#2 July 2012....6 follies...only 1 retrieved....BFFN
    surgery suggested to move ovary to an better placement but....we moved two time zones away and are financially and emotionally empty

  • I just happened to stop by this board... WAY WRONG  board to be posting this crap!

    Hey, kiddo... 1. your clock has plenty of time. 2. 24 year old unmarried boys usually don't want a baby 3. good luck with that 24 year old boyfriend. 4. FAIL

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  • I seriously think you need therapy.  To be so desperate to have a baby at such a young age without a willing partner cannot be good.
    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
  • OK, so you're 21, and your baby plans include tricking your boyfriend, using a surrogate, getting pregnant by someone else.....

    Right, so you have the pregnancy angles covered (cough) but have you considered the motherhood angles?   You have a college education, right?   And a career?   A job capable of supporting a child on your own?   Someone to watch the baby while you work?  (If not, daycare will run you somewhere around 600-1000 per month, so hope that career is going well!)   If your boyfriend is your financial backup plan, well, not a good idea considering he's only 24, he's only your boyfriend and he's not really on board with having a baby.   Oh, and the timeline is a joke.  He just bought himself a year of you off his back about the baby thing.   You're dreaming if you think on October 3, 2012 he's going to be doing cartwheels whooping about having a baby.

    But, I'm guessing since you didn't have the foresight to NOT post this drivel on an inappropriate board that you're not really considering the reality of motherhood.  

  • This is incredibly unfair. This crazy twit will probably be able to have children and the wonderful, beautiful ladies who belong on this board can't. Crappy, crappy, crappy. 

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  • i think the drs forgot to give someone their meds today.
  • I don't usually post here, but this post was so ridiculous that I couldn't help myself. 

     Even if this WASN'T a board filled with women who are unable to have children, why on earth would anyone need to know all these details about your sex life, your thought process and your general insanity?  What would make you think people want to know all this information about you?

    I think you need to take some time to grow up, because it definitely sounds like you are nowhere near ready to have a child.  It especially sounds like it's probably not a good idea to have a baby with a guy who has been fighting you on the baby issue and who doesn't want the same things in life that you do (like the suburban life).

     I hate to break it to you, but he may have just agreed to it to get you to shut up about it.  My H's best friend's wife has been hounding him for two years to have a baby, but he just turned 25 and felt he wasn't ready.  He finally told her they could start trying this past May, and they found out the first week of July that they're expecting.  And you know what?  He doesn't want the baby.  He's not happy about it at all.  He acts like he is for his wife, but he still feels like he's not ready to be a father (especially because his wife's gone completely BSC since she got pregnant,  but that's another story).  He thought it would take them longer to get pregnant.

    Before you two have a kid, you really need to make sure that you're definitely on the same page. 

    Follow Me on Pinterest Image and video hosting by TinyPic Photobucket Photobucket
  • Coming out of my lurk to tell you that this man needs to stop having sex with you yesterday.
  • I am coming out of the cover of lurkdom to tell you, my friend, that you are certifiable. What you DO need to have "ampted" up is medication to bring you back to planet Earth.
    image
    Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
    I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
  • So, you, an immature woman, is going to try and have a baby with an immature man who isn't interested in being a Dad.

    When he doesn't pay attention to you or the baby and does squat to help out, please don't post your tale of woe as a vent.  Don't want to hear about it.

  • All i can say is WHAT THE FVCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Why would you post this here? I'm just lurking and I really send my heart out to these women who cannot have children or adopt for whatever reason. That is one of the hardest things a woman will ever face. Correction: The HARDEST. What on earth possessed you to write this on this board. You are just rubbing salt into a wound. As far as I'm concerned you are either ridiculously stupid [I am 20 and understood what this board was by the title on the sidebar] or you are just plain rude and have no empathy or emotions. Anyways, I just had to get that out. Thanks for reading ;)
  • All i can say is WHAT THE FVCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Why would you post this here? I'm just lurking and I really send my heart out to these women who cannot have children or adopt for whatever reason. That is one of the hardest things a woman will ever face. Correction: The HARDEST. What on earth possessed you to write this on this board. You are just rubbing salt into a wound. As far as I'm concerned you are either ridiculously stupid [I am 20 and understood what this board was by the title on the sidebar] or you are just plain rude and have no empathy or emotions. Anyways, I just had to get that out. Thanks for reading ;)
  • imagehuber22:

    This is incredibly unfair. This crazy twit will probably be able to have children and the wonderful, beautiful ladies who belong on this board can't. Crappy, crappy, crappy. 

     

    Agreed. It's so painful to see irresponsible young people walking around pregnant with their ghetto high school bfs and then see the married, financially AND mentally stable ADULTS who have been TTC for so long and just can't.  

  • imageDesiraeSunshine:
    I don't like you. you are a batsh!t crazy delusional individual. get a fvcking clue and go away.

    YesYes

    TTC since 11/09
    me: 39 DH: 36  dx: unexplained (ugh) 

    January 2011 - December 2012: 4 cycles w/Clomid; 9 IUIs w/Follistim & Menopur;  two IVF cycles converted to IUI (poor response/dominant follicle) 

    August 2014 IVF (antagonist protocol: Menopur, Follistim, Ganirelix, dexamethasone): 13 eggs, 9 mature, 8 fertilized w/ICSI; 0 frozen, 3 transferred day 5 = BFN

    October 2014 IVF (micro-lupron protocol: mircrolupron, Menopur, Follistim, dexamethasone): 8 eggs, 4 mature, 3 fertilized w/ICSI; 3 transferred day 3 = BFP! Beta 1=121; Beta 2=287; Beta 3 =678. Miscarriage @ 8w2d. :(
  • imageDesiraeSunshine:
    I don't like you. you are a batsh!t crazy delusional individual. get a fvcking clue and go away.

    YesYes

    TTC since 11/09
    me: 39 DH: 36  dx: unexplained (ugh) 

    January 2011 - December 2012: 4 cycles w/Clomid; 9 IUIs w/Follistim & Menopur;  two IVF cycles converted to IUI (poor response/dominant follicle) 

    August 2014 IVF (antagonist protocol: Menopur, Follistim, Ganirelix, dexamethasone): 13 eggs, 9 mature, 8 fertilized w/ICSI; 0 frozen, 3 transferred day 5 = BFN

    October 2014 IVF (micro-lupron protocol: mircrolupron, Menopur, Follistim, dexamethasone): 8 eggs, 4 mature, 3 fertilized w/ICSI; 3 transferred day 3 = BFP! Beta 1=121; Beta 2=287; Beta 3 =678. Miscarriage @ 8w2d. :(
  • what's wrong with you?
  • Coming out of lurkdom to say Wow. Crazy psycho B**CH! How disrespectful, hurtful, and ignorant. Why in the world would you ever post on this board, not to mention on this site? No one wants to hear your delusional and irresponsible quest to get pregnant. I hope you get what you deserve and your BF leaves you, without him or a child.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    image

    PCOS--TTC since 11/2010:   
    5 cycles of Clomid: all BFN, 1 cycle of Follistim:CP
    1 year break thanks to deployment.
    1 cycle Follistim: BFN, Lap to remove peritubal cyst May 2013
    2 cycles Follistim + trigger: BFN, Gonal F +IUI April 2014: BFP!!!!!! 

    Boy/Girl Twins due Jan 5, 2015!!! 


  • Honestly. this is so wrong. I'm 20 and understand this board. Basically, this looks like you had come on here to rub something in these womens faces! You will have plenty of time to ttc. If this was something you needed to talk about it should have been to your closest friends not women who have been ttc with their husband who have been together for YEARS.

    Im not saying you have to be married but, make sure thats who youre going to be with. Him not wanting a child shouldn't make you push it on him more. Then you'll get what you want but, he will be out that door. Know you ARE an adult before ttc.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageRamaOtster:

    Your boyfriend sounds like a ***. Seriously. What if you had gotten pregnant and he didn't want the baby?

    I would have been out of there so fast...

    Actually, her boyfriend sounds like most 24 year old boyfriends...HE should be the one that gets out of there as fast as he can.  This is psychotic behaviour!

     
    me 33/DH 36
    ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
    ~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
    11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
    IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
    Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
    IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
    U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
    Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!   It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • This is absolute, utter, complete crap. Seriously, OP, how cruel are you?

    How do you sleep at night?

    "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- Emily Bronte Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I can't believe how willingly you show people how immature and foolish you are. 

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