Godparents

0ashley · November 2011

I brought these up to my DH the other day, and my understanding is that you select one family/couple that you would like to raise your child if both parents pass away (and the couples agree to do this).

He disagrees and says in his family, they just always has all of the aunts and uncles ALL be godparents. He thinks this is the way it always is for everyone. (I have an actual preference over his siblings and would not want to leave it up to them to decide because one set is rich and snotty.) Any one else every heard of multiple godparents?

My nephew has two godmothers and no godfathers- one is me and the other is one of his grandmas. I said yes, but I was very confused about what their wishes actually were if something happens to them- his grandma and I can't share him!

Also, do you wait until the child is born to ask people if they would agree to be a godparent, or ahead of time?

0ashley · November 2011

whoa, catching lots of grammar mistakes after re-reading- should have proofread! sorry guys!

MrsColvin · November 2011

We chose our best friends ( one couple). I don't think multiple choices makes sense.. You are making a choice so that no one fights over the child. You will know for sure who will be raising your child should anything happen to you. We don't trust any of our siblings to raise the child like we would so it was a no brainer for us. My godmother growing up was my dads sister because she was the one my parents trusted most.

Duewith2nd · November 2011

A "God parent" actually has nothing to do with who you want to raise your child if something happens to you. It's a religious position. Its the person who you want to help your child learn their relationship with God.

couliegirl · November 2011

In my family, godparents are an aunt or uncle. Each child has two godparents. I have to godfathers. My sister has a godmother and godfather. It really had nothing to do with what would happen to us if my parents died. They were chosen more for who my parent's wanted to have a greater influence on us as we were growing up. KWIM?

I struggle with this alot, because except for my SIL and her husband, none of our siblings believe in God. I feel uncomfortable having them get up at a baptism and pledge to guide our LO on a spiritual journey, when they don't really believe in it. Sorry that got alittle off topic.

TnG05 · November 2011

Overall, we have the same understanding of godparents but I have heard of cases where there are more than one person. In one case, the kids are twins and the couple didn't feel right putting the task of raising two on a person. The other case was a single child that essentially has two godmothers. They agreed that one would be the primary person and they knew they could lean on the other when needed. I've never heard of it like your husband's family.

sassafras007 · November 2011

Our godparents will not be the ones expected to raise our child, just to teach them about god and how to follow the religion.

DH is Catholic and we had to pick people who were Catholic, it might have been at least one of them had to be but I am pretty sure it was both.

I am Episcopal sp? and I have two godmothers and a god father. My brother has two godfathers and a god mother.

sgb721 · November 2011

A 'God'parent is supposed to be a good example and a role model to raise your child in a religious manner. Traditionally this has nothing to do with your will and who your child would go to if something were to happen to you and your husband.

If anything should happen to you and your husband, you would most likely want your children to stay together. That doesn't mean they have the same god parents.

skye83 · November 2011

For DD we picked my brother and his sister. I think having 1 or 2 is normal. You never know what will happen after you pass. Maybe the person you initially wanted may not be in a position to take care of your child after you are gone. We trusted our siblings to make the decision that makes the most sense at that time if it ever happens. We would be equally happy either way.

EmmaRJ · November 2011

Duewith2nd:
A "God parent" actually has nothing to do with who you want to raise your child if something happens to you. It's a religious position. Its the person who you want to help your child learn their relationship with God.

This. And I think I vaguely remember being told that the God parents shouldn't actually be a couple.

0ashley · November 2011

Thanks- these answers help and make a lot of sense!

sassafras007 · November 2011

Also, we picked my cousin and BIL who are very young, 19 and 21. They are both very Catholic and I wanted someone to be able to connect at some level with my daughter.

For the next one I am not sure, it will probably be SIL and my half brother. Again young, 27 and 22.

LLS1215 · November 2011

In our family Godparents are a religious thing, we're all Catholic. But my sister also told me that while I'm her first son's nanny and my DH is her second son's parrain, she wants us to take care of her kids if something happened to her and my BIL. Whoever takes your kids after a tragic event is more of a legal matter.It's really just up to you.

cltk12 · November 2011

Duewith2nd:
A "God parent" actually has nothing to do with who you want to raise your child if something happens to you. It's a religious position. Its the person who you want to help your child learn their relationship with God.

This. God parents are people who your child can look to for religious items.

When you create your will you will list in the will you would be guardians of your child if you and s/o die at the same time or you die and then they die. You may also want to leave your money to them as well to help raise your child.

For sure you would want to discuss with your s/o who this would be and discuss it with those people to make sure they understand.

cltk12 · November 2011

Duewith2nd:
A "God parent" actually has nothing to do with who you want to raise your child if something happens to you. It's a religious position. Its the person who you want to help your child learn their relationship with God.

This. God parents are people who your child can look to for religious items.

When you create your will you will list in the will you would be guardians of your child if you and s/o die at the same time or you die and then they die. You may also want to leave your money to them as well to help raise your child.

For sure you would want to discuss with your s/o who this would be and discuss it with those people to make sure they understand.

giggles0918 · November 2011

EmmaRJ:
Duewith2nd:
A "God parent" actually has nothing to do with who you want to raise your child if something happens to you. It's a religious position. Its the person who you want to help your child learn their relationship with God.
This. And I think I vaguely remember being told that the God parents shouldn't actually be a couple.

I second both of these - this is what I was told. Who I would want to raise my child and who the godparents are are two separate people in my opinion.

amberlynnr7 · November 2011

Although it was originally a religious tradition, I think that it's now more of a way to make sure your children are taken care of (if, heaven forbid, something ever went terribly wrong). My position is just to have one set of people to take care of my child, but it's really up to the parents to decide what happens with the child's godparents.

geauxfrogs · November 2011

I agree with all the people who said it was a religious thing, not necessarily who would take care of your child if something happened to you.

I will add that the way my mom explained it to me growing up is that she and my dad wanted people I could go to if I ever felt like there was something I couldn't talk to my parents about. They were people who she and my dad felt comfortable would give me good advice and would have my best interest at heart. That's how we chose godparents for DD and how we will choose for this baby. Our will has someone different to be DD's guardians if something happens to us.

LindzK · November 2011

geauxfrogs:

I agree with all the people who said it was a religious thing, not necessarily who would take care of your child if something happened to you.

I will add that the way my mom explained it to me growing up is that she and my dad wanted people I could go to if I ever felt like there was something I couldn't talk to my parents about. They were people who she and my dad felt comfortable would give me good advice and would have my best interest at heart. That's how we chose godparents for DD and how we will choose for this baby. Our will has someone different to be DD's guardians if something happens to us.

This. Very well put! I completely agree. Your "Will" will have your chosen guardian, because this is a legal document.

AmKaSaw · November 2011

I have 5 Godparents. Big Smile

Sawyerplus1 · November 2011

Yep, as PPs have said, 'god parents' and 'guardians' are different things (though usually both go by 'godparent'). A god parent is someone that is chosen to be present in the childs life and help guide them in life and religion. DH and I are Catholic and have chosen my sister and BIL for both of our kids. In this case, you can chose up to 4 people (at least thats my understanding).

The person/people you chose to raise your child(ren) if something happens to you is a guardian, and it's a legal agreement written into your will. In this case, it makes sense to choose 1 person/couple.

cessa · November 2011

I agree more with your viewpoint of Godparents. We chose one couple (my cousin and his wife) who we felt we could trust with DS if something were to happen to us. They already have a 7 year old son who they have done an amazing job raising. DH had ideas at first about choosing his best friend for the godfather, but this is a single guy (who I also wasn't sure I would want raising my child), and then he said I could pick one of my girl friends. After discussing what an awkward arrangement this would be for them if something did happen to us, he decided picking a couple was a better idea.

bikernun · November 2011

We are not Catholic but we did chose our best friend couple to be our children's Godparents. If anything happens to us our Will states that they have custody of them.

PregNerd · November 2011

geauxfrogs:
I agree with all the people who said it was a religious thing, not necessarily who would take care of your child if something happened to you.
I will add that the way my mom explained it to me growing up is that she and my dad wanted people I could go to if I ever felt like there was something I couldn't talk to my parents about. They were people who she and my dad felt comfortable would give me good advice and would have my best interest at heart. That's how we chose godparents for DD and how we will choose for this baby. Our will has someone different to be DD's guardians if something happens to us.

DH and I are not religious at all, but we still love the idea of Godparents. The way we view them is very similar to above (and I will incorporate this into our thinking). To us they are special people in our lives (not necessarily relatives) that we believe would add something special to the life of our child. These are not the people that our kids would go to if something happened to us. DH and I have chosen my maid of honor (and best friend of 15years) and his best friend (since they were in diapers together).

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