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Is it normal to be this sad that LO is growing up so quickly?
I'm feeling a little crazy that I'm sad at how fast DS is growing and changing. Probably since he was around 2 months old I started to think about how one day he's going to leave me and get married, and things like since he's a boy he's not going to want to hug me or hold my hand and all that sooner than if he were a girl. I know this is irrational really, and super far away, but it still makes me sad and I don't really know why, and it doesn't seem to be going away - if anything I think it may be getting worse.
I don't usually think of it until I see something on TV or moms and kids around town, etc. or when I'm nursing or pumping - on one hand I can't wait for the freedom of no more pumping or being the food source, but on the other I'm sad he won't need me so much and that he won't be a "baby" anymore. Last night DH reminded me that today is DS's 9 month birthday and I started bawling, and now I'm getting teary thinking about it! I almost don't want him to crawl yet - I feel like how on earth could time have gone so quickly?!
Maybe it's because DS is really getting so much snugglier and wanting to cuddle? or it could be that I started a new job where I'm just not home as much as I used to be?
I'm really not sure why I'm all emotional about DS growing up....tell me ladies, am I normal or is this a little extreme? If it's normal, how do you deal with it? I feel so silly that it makes me sad!
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Re: Is it normal to be this sad that LO is growing up so quickly?
I'm trying to work on living "in the moment" when I am with M. My issue is different from yours (I tend to worry about other things that need to get done, so I'm not focused on what I'm doing right then and there), but maybe trying to focus on being present "in the moment" would work for you, too?
It seems normal to me. I had a lot of nostalgia when DS was 8-9 months old since he was getting mobile and that signified he would grow up one day. I remember being sad to stop nursing, thinking it would change my relationship with DS. It didn't. I'm still the mama.
I handled it by planning a timeline to TTC #2 - haha! I'd advise that only if that's what you want to do!
Normal, I don't know. I def. have been bummed out that the first year has gone by so quickly. H is a few days shy of 11 months, and last night I was trying to think back to the beginning of our days with her. It did make me upset that my memory from her newborn days is rather minimal and yet at the same time it doesn't feel like it was all that long ago.
I kind of think this is why some people have kids in close succession... trying to relive the "baby" stage they've since lost with their previous child(ren).
I don't have any words of wisdom for you other than if you think it might be more extreme than typical "mah bebe is growing too fast!!!" sads, maybe go to your doctor for a PPD screening. I don't think PPD always presents itself soon after delivery.
Personally, we're just doing like DCtoLow and planning out the timing for #2.
I do find myself getting nostalgic. It helps to think about all the fun, new stuff that lies ahead. Being able to have actual conversations with my DS is amazing and I look forward to all the things we'll be able to share over the years.
I think it's very normal!
My DS just turned 1 year old and I can't think about it for more than five seconds because I'll start crying.
Part of it for me is that I know he's our last, so I know this is the last time I'll hold and feed and snuggle with a BABY. My last baby.
I am all the time saying I wish I could freeze all three of my kids in time and just keep them at their ages just a few moments longer. I want my two year old to forever say the cutest things, my four year old to forever want to hold my hand, my one year old to forever fit in my lap.
So yeah, I'm totally with you. Totally.
Now I'm getting
I'll say that my DS is 50x more snuggly and cuddly than my DD ever has been, so having a girl doesn't necessarily mean that she'll be into that kind of stuff for longer. Besides, I figure when he gets older, maybe I can joke around about "my baby boy!" and force him to let me hug him...and he can roll his eyes at me but (hopefully) secretly be OK with it.
I'd bet that it's a combination of all the factors you mentioned (snugglier DS, new job, all his new milestones, an approaching first birthday) that are working together to make you feel this way. I think that as any door closes on a phase in life, we get sad and nostalgic about what we can't recapture. However, my favorite times in my kids' lives (so far) have been between DD's first and second birthdays (and now as a four-year old, she's pretty cool) and the last few months with DS. So while it's depressing (to a healthy point) to say goodbye to the babyhood, I bet you're going to love what comes next even more. We'll always look back on a particular time in our LO's lives and wish we could have "just one more day" with them at that age, but focusing on that can mean we'll miss all the wonderful stuff going on in the moment.
I only read Wines response and I agree with her about "living in the moment." I'm a planner/dreamer and before Bambino was off in lala land and now I've realized I'll miss everything if I spend it all dreaming. I sometimes think about those future times but then I tell myself to snap out of it because in this moment, he's still right here with me!
I've also found that we are just extremely hormonal creatures that are constantly changing. My moods, my boobs, my hair, my skin, my perspective...so some stretches of time we are bound to be more emotional for all the change we are dealing with! Especially that first year after having a kid.
I hope it's normal because I get sad too! I just love each stage so much, but it makes me sad because each new step also reminds me of just how fast it goes by. And since we're done, I will never get to experience all of these "firsts" again.
It probably doesn't help that plenty of random strangers over the past 3 years have told me not to "blink" because it does go by so fast.
Thanks everybody, I really appreciate the advice and support. It's not interfering with my daily life, or enjoying time with DS (I probably should try to live more "in the moment" in general). It's more like when he's sleeping sometimes I want to run in and cuddle him forever
None of my friends with kids mentioned feeling quite like I do, other than maybe wanting to be a SAHM (whcih I know isn't for me), so I wasn't sure if this was to be expected, or it's something I should be concerned about.
We do have a lot going on right now - on top of the new job which = more hours out of the house and an upcoming business trip, we also have MIL with us for 6 weeks so I am having to share time with DS more than usual. I think hormones definitely play a part, because when I started crying about DS being 9 months, I was also laughing at myself for crying about it. I know it was silly, but I couldn't stop the tears!
thanks for listening!
I feel the same way - I look at my LO and from some angles, he's starting to look more like a little boy than a baby and he's only 10 months old! I feel like I have a split personality sometimes - I am encouraging him to grow and learn, but I also mourn the days when he was teeny tiny and curled up in my arms. I think this is why I still rock him to sleep, because I get to cuddle him.
LO is also not very snuggly unless he is tired - he's always on the go and very excited to crawl, and grab, and learn, so I miss the days when I could just be on the couch holding him all day long.
Watching them grow up is bittersweet.
One thing that helps me is a phrase I read in a la leche league book about the end of breastfeeding - "the early years are not the only - or even necessarily the best - years you will spend with your children"
With the loss of babyhood, you will gain a person - who at some point will be able to tell you exactly what he is thinking - and I think that will be pretty cool.
I also find a lot of development is two steps forward - one step back. So - for example - a month ago he let me rock him to sleep - which he doesn't usually like anymore. And I was able to really savor that moment - and also remember all the times I was dying to get out of that chair;)
That's a great quote to remember, thanks!
it's totally normal, my DD is less snugly than my DS.
My friend posted a pic on FB, her 8.5 y.o.and 6 y.o. sons snuggling in her lap; it does not necessarily go away as they get older!
This is totally me too! When I fold his laundry I can't help but love how much it looks like stuff DH would wear, and then I think about how fast he's growing and how tiny he was at first. It's crazy how fast they change.
I don't know that I've ever been brought to tears by it, but I do get nostalgic from time to time. Honestly though, despite DD being our last child, I'm not sad about her growing up. The second year is one of my favorites, and I'm really looking forward to it with her. I definitely find myself more reluctant to give up rocking to sleep, since she allows it, and linger a little longer than necessary during mid-night wakings, but overall, I'm super excited about the future.
Guess I should note that I'm not a baby person. :-)