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I need some advice...

2bulldogmom2bulldogmom member
in Military Families

DH is in the Air Force Reserves and just found out a couple of days ago that he will be deploying to Germany for several months starting very soon. He is currently on a trip with the Air Force right now and won't get back until Sunday. So, essentially, DD and I only have a short time left with him before he deploys. I'm sad for myself, but I am mostly sad for my DD. I'm not sure I can handle it if she gets sad and depressed after he is gone for a long time. She adores her Daddy, and while his job normally sends him away for about 7-10 days every two weeks, which she handles fine, I know that 4 to 6 months is a lot different!

The advice I need is this- would you pull DD out of a preschool program that she LOVES here in the states and go with DH to Germany nearly the whole time or would you keep her in school here and just try to visit DH about once a month for a week or two at a time?

The other factor involved here is that DH is currently working on his masters and will have a 9-5 job while he is in Germany. So, even when he comes home from work, he will have school work to get done.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to take her away from a teacher, classmates, and routine that she is very comfortable with here at home to only spend a couple of hours with her Daddy each night in a strange place, but maybe keeping her with him around is more important. I don't know. What do you think? I'd really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

 

Edited for OPSEC reasons

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Re: I need some advice...

  • emoxymooseemoxymoose member
    I think stability is the most important thing, 4-6 months will go quicker than you think and you can use things like Skype etc. to make visits possible.

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  • armywifey0609armywifey0609
    image2bulldogmom:

    The advice I need is this- would you pull DD out of a preschool program that she LOVES here in the states and go with DH to Germany nearly the whole time or would you keep her in school here and just try to visit DH about once a month for a week or two at a time?

    Ok so you can afford to fly to Germany once a month for the next 4-6 months? And really what is the difference between being there the whole time and taking your DD on a really long plane ride every few weeks? Instead of doing that, take that money go to Germany and take your DD around to all the great sites. Germany could be a great experience that you might not be able to do again. Just what I would do if I had the money. Or stay home, save the money you would be spending on all that flying and skype with DH when you can.

    And im not trying to be mean, im just really confused as to why you would want to do that.

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  • F15WifeF15Wife member

    I'm puzzled as well with the previous poster. How are you going to afford plane ticktes to Germany once a month for 6 months?? Providing you are quite well off and CAN afford it do you really want to endure that long of a plane ride and the horrid jet lag once a month? We lived overseas for 3 years and did ALOT of traveling and I often flew back to the states with my boys and let me tell you friend, it is no picnic.

    4-6 months will go by alot faster than you think. If you just can't handle being away from him then go with him Germany is absolutely gorgeous and you have so many travel opportunities. IF you DO go DO NOT sit in a hotel room/billeting room or whatever and wait on your man. You already said he's going to busy. Take advantage of the possible once in a lifetime opportunity and get out and expierence the culture.

    Bear in mind that the Air force will not pay for you to go with him at all. No airline tickets, no money for housing while you are there, you may have some battles with tricare(not sure how it works with the reserves), so basically everything you'll do to move with him will be out of pocket. Please also remember that the money in Germany is Euros and so everything will be more expensive.

    Good luck on your decision!

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  • Emilia0101Emilia0101
    I would stay stateside make one fun trip to visit your DH in Germany and take your DD out of school for a nice two week trip. Three people living in a hotel for 6 months would be a nightmare IMO. Flying every month would be crazy with a 3 year old. You have Skype, and lots of other tools to pass the time. 
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  • katieboo82katieboo82
    Children are amazingly resilient.  I know they miss their parents and they will act up.  I worked in a high school with Army kids whose parents were deployed for a year at a time.  But, this is military life.  I am in Germany right now.  You can sightsee, but you are going to come in the winter.  It's icy, it's cold, and it's hard to keep a child outdoors for long.  Stability will help her deal with her father being gone.  Every morning, wake up and talk to your husband along with your daughter on Skype.  And honestly, he could probably use this time to concentrate on his schooling.  We have all dealt with our children being separated from one parent for long periods of time.  Keep her life as normal as possible.  Visit maybe one- the tickets are expensive as hell and the plane ride is brutal.  The hotel rooms are also extremely tiny.  Also, the military provides many sources that can help you help your child deal with this separation.  Contact your nearest Air Force base and see what services they can provide for you. 
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  • RunningMom08RunningMom08
    I'm not trying to be mean, but 4-6 months really isn't that long. TDYs, and deployments are the nature of the beast. If you are concerned about your H being away for a few months, then how will you be able to deal with a year long deployment? I would stay stateside and continue on with your daily routines. It will be hard at first, but you will adjust, and then he will be home!
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  • 2bulldogmom2bulldogmom member

    Thank you for all of your advice.  Yes, we can afford the trips, but I do see your point on how crazy and even more disruptive it would be to keep travelling back and forth so often.

    I guess we'll just have to see what kind of living facility he ends up in before we can even consider staying the whole time.  Sometimes he gets stuck in a small room on base and sometimes he gets a "non-a" and stays in an apartment off base.

    I'm thinking maybe the best thing to do is keep DD here in her normal home and routine and just visit for a couple of weeks maybe once or twice.  If she gets really sad and depressed and we have the option to go over for the remainder of his time there, then we may decide to do that at that time.

    Thanks!

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