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LGBT Parenting
butterflygrooves
member
PCP/TTC/ATP Wednesday
butterflygrooves
member
What's new ladies?
QOTD: How are you? Not a casual "how are you?" but a sincere one.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: PCP/TTC/ATP Wednesday
ATP - BabyT*T is awesome! She's funny and smart but stubborn and opinionated. She drives me crazy but keeps me sane. She moved into the next level toddler room on Monday. She seems to be really enjoying the extra activities and her new friends.
QOTD - Sincerely? I'm so-so. Life as a family of three has been a harder adjustment than I expected. The relationship between K and LO is great. I'm super happy with their interactions. But after 15 months of being the alpha I'm having a difficult time letting that position go and finding a new balance.
That and I have no rental income so I'm completely stressed about paying my bills.
Two, I may be able to give you some pointers on ways to rent quickly by connecting with housing assistance programs in your area. PM me if you want to talk.
PAP: *clears anxiously tight throat* I received an email last night from our agency's adoption supervisor asking if we would be interested in adopting two boys, a 3 and 1 year old, brothers, parental rights have been terminated. We want to get more info but are stuck because our current home only has space for the 1 year old and they won't match us unless we have space for both. I asked if we would have time to move into a larger house, 2-3 weeks, something we would move heaven and earth for if this was the right match. I also got a list of children waiting to be adopted and inquired about one boy and 5 girls (one set of twins!). I am very cautiously optimistic.
TTA: We finalize Izzie's adoption in 2 days! We plan to leave around 3am tomorrow morning to tackle some of the 8 hour drive while the girls are asleep. I'm hoping the trip is easy and fun for the girls.
ATP: Iz and I are in a pretty good place right now, we've had lots of behavior talks and reminders to make good choices (J HATES that I remind her all the time). I don't know if her behaviors are getting better or if I'm just able to tolerate them more but something is easing up.
A is A, she has attitude which is annoying but overall she has been helpful and excited to be home on break.
QOTD: I'm in a weird place and have been for a little while. There is so much going on but I also feel like I'm in a rut. J has been waiting for her big promotion (she is supposed to get signed off today), I've been anxious for the pay raise and better insurance. Izzie's finalization is coming up and it sort of scares me to have her solely in our care without a SW to check in, I know we can do it but it's just scary. I want to add to our family but IF treaments are out of the question until we buy a house and it's been hard to find boys in our age range for adoption. I'm used to being the breadwinner and I like being in charge but with me being a SAHM and J working I feel like I don't have control over much.
Let me find the silver lining in all of this... J is being promoted and we can afford to adopt/buy a house/buy a second car/etc. Izzie will finally and legally be our daughter and I don't have to answer to anyone about her anymore! Although I may be ready to add to our family, it may not be the right time and we may not be the right family for some of the babies that are available, I am happy to see each baby find their perfect forever family.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
ATP: I'm really struggling with the idea of switching J from his nanny to daycare. If we move, having her be his nanny may not be feasible, so I need to be prepared, but I love love love her.
QOTD: See above. The idea of moving is stressful in a number of ways, so I guess the answer to the question is "I'm stressed!" Between finding a home we both like and all of the other stuff around it... Ugh. It's a great time to buy, though - probably the only time we'll be able to get into a single-family home with the yard we want - so we'll do it.
TTC- Back to back IUIs Thursday and Friday. This sounds weird but DW is not usually the emotional type but she has been so optimistic that this round is going to work it is kinda contagious. I asked her if she knows something about the future I do not. We have two maybe three follies ready to go really hoping one of them is nice to a "little fella" and holds on for dear life.
QOTD: Ehhh...I feel like I am in full blown waiting mode all the time. Waiting for a BFP, waiting to find out if I got into the SW masters program, and waiting to get this reconstructive surgery approved. I am in a lot of pain and on some heavy meds making it hard to be alert. The nerves in my legs are so compressed from the extra skin I fo from numb, to burning, to shooting pains. Not making me happy. So I am excited I have so much potential for awesomely big things but want off these meds.
ATP: Life with Carter has been a challenge recently. I am hoping it is because he is getting sick (he always gets grumpy/moody/sassy when he gets (is getting) sick.) Of course I don't want him to be sick, but it would be nice to have an explanation of his behavior. He was up at 1am with a croupy cough, so he and I sat in front of the open freezer for 30m last night to open up his airway. He seemed okay this morning (healthy wise.) Re his behavior: I am having a hard time finding ways to get through to him that his behavior isn't okay. He isn't attached to any particular item/toy, not letting him watch tv doesn't really bother him since he will just go into his room and read (which while I am glad he loves to do, but...), not going to XYZ place is difficult since I am usually solo and that punishes Gray too, talking isn't getting through to him, and incentives for the Good Day Sticks at school aren't working - he hasn't gotten one in a week. Sigh.We have our parent/teacher conference next week. That should be interesting.
On the other hand, Gray has been a dream with his behavior. Aside from constantly narcing on his brother.
But he is polite, cuddly, and eager to please. Oh, the dichotomy of twins. 
QOTD: See above. LOL. Carter has a way of working my last nerve which has made the last few weekends a challenge. I honestly cannot wait for L to be done writing this $(&# dissertation...and I know she (and the kids) can't either. I know it will be a bit of an adjustment, but having someone else pack up the kids every Saturday morning to go to swimming or going to events as a family vs everyone always wondering if I actually do have a DP or if I am just making her up
will be nice.
And I would love for our world (home, school, work) to all be closer - I spend about 3-3.5 hrs a day commuting (including dropping off/picking up the kids at school.) But I don't see that happening any time soon since we can't sell our house due to the market and I love my job and can't imagine working elsewhere (though it is mostly because I hate change and am very comfortable here after almost 8y.) But it is getting increasinly more difficult to get home at 6:15-6:30 (that is with me leaving work at 4:30!) and do homework (with 2 tired kids), dinner, bath, and in bed by 8ish.
On a good note - I am feeling successful (and appreciated) at work and L and I have had some good conversations recently.
ATP: I'm in the same boat as 2brides with the getting home 6:15ish and needing to dinner, homework, bath and bed before 8 is a crunch. E is struggling with having less down time. I've resorted to sometimes having E shower with me in the morning just so we can have a bit of chill time in the evenings. Aside from that E is doing great. 5 is really such a magical age and as a parent I'm loving it!
QOTD: I'm tired. My sleep has wonky for a few weeks now. I think it's just added things at work and not being able to turn off my brain from that and sleep. Aside from that I'm good. I have a coffee date with a girl tonight...excited and nervous.
yay, good luck
i miss that giddy nervousness
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
QOTD: Our plans for how the second half of this year were going to go have gone, I'd say, about 70% off the rails, and coping with that and the uncertainty of what is coming up has been hard. Jen is quitting her job in December (she hates it, and they want to restructure, and offered her a package) and we don't know what is happening with my job, but we still plan to relocate to be near my parents soon (before the due date). This may mean that neither of us has a job for a while, which is terrifying, especially with a growing family. But we've stayed in this area for far longer than we intended to, and the time to move is now, before we get even more entrenched with a house, child care arrangements, other mommy friends, etc.
I remain very, very grateful for Jen's optimism and toughness. She's my rock.
QOTD: I am tired and stressed. We need a bigger house and a second car...there is no getting around that fact. However, I don't see that happening anytime soon with what we pay for childcare. I would love to rent a house, but as C pointed out today at lunch, we are hard-pressed to find one that is the size we need that we could afford (our current mortgage payment is not that high considering where we live).
I am also anxious about my lab-work results. I don't think they are going to be terrible...I figure I would have received a call by now if they were. Hopefully, tomorrow I will have only good news. (Okay, being told I can never drink Red Bull is not good news, but I can handle it.
)
I am looking forward to the holidays, I can't wait to see what C wants us to give the Kiddos! Also, I know this year they will have a better understanding of a gift and that has me excited to see them rip the paper off their toy/s.
Thanks CT, I need all the luck I can get!
I haven't been posting in the last few days... Some drama came up over the weekend because I suck at being open about my relationship at work/with work people. I'm trying to deal with it, but I've boxed myself into a difficult corner. And how I deal with this scares both me and DW for issues with having kids. I guess you could say I'm feeling really lonely.
Also, I want a baby. And I hate being on TTC hold. And I hate questioning whether we're ready. And I can't shake the intense fear of a long infertility struggle.
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
I'm totally with you on 1, 2 (not really on hold but we keep having to skip months for various reasons when all I want is to GO GO GO!), and 4. But REALLY 4. I will admit that I don't necessarily have reasons to believe I will have a long infertility struggle. I've had blood work that indicated low-ish hormone levels, and I'm going on Clomid in December if this current (unmedicated) cycle doesn't take. Clomid could work wonderfully...or not. I have no infertility diagnosis, and haven't been to an RE (I'm currently seeing midwives for IUIs). But for whatever reason, even though I know I should be positive, I can't help but go down the road of negativity. Potentially having trouble getting pregnant worries me because of the cost involved -- at some point, the money we've saved will run out and what then? I hate the idea of not having a kid because we don't have money to buy sperm (I hate the idea of not having a kid period, but that reason seems particularly frustrating).
And I realize I'm being totally dramatic and over-the-top about all this since we're so early in the process and everything could go FINE. But I'm an accomplished worrier and a pessimist and this process is not helping! Got a referral for a therapist this morning and I'm thinking that might help me work out the emotional side of the process.
Which I guess pretty much answers the how are you question AND the TTC question. I'm doing OPKs right now and expecting a positive around Thanksgiving.
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
PCP: My therapist asked me this morning if maybe we are rushing into having kids, given that we are struggling to agree on what type of donor we want to use and all the other change in our lives (moving, C leaving school, new jobs, recently married). I told him I thought we might be a little, but we also have biological clocks to contend with. There's so much information out there about how fertility declines after 35, that we feel like delaying longer might make C unable to carry. (She's 34 and will be close to 35 by the time we are ready to start TTC)
QOTD: I'm struggling a little right now. I am anxious about the move and all the changes coming up. I haven't really started my job search, so that's a big unknown. I've never lived in a big city either. C and I got into an argument the other day (about the donor thing, again), and it sent me into a pretty negative spiral of emotions. I'm feeling better now, but still a little fragile.
The funny thing about this donor conflict is I think we really are moving toward understanding each other better and being able to move forward. But every time it comes up, it unleashes such strong emotions for both of us, it makes me wonder if this is more about being afraid to take the step to have kids than about the logistics of having them.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
I guess I think the worry is only natural, especially for those of us who are paying a lot for sperm or infertility treatment. I do have pcos symtoms (though my RE was hesitant to dx it), so there's some reason to be concerned...but probably not at the level that I am concerned. Due to concerns about anovulation we started with Clomid and the dr is saying she wants to move on if the next cycle doesn't take. Hence part of my freaking out. But I am a planning/like to control things person....and that is sadly not how this process works.
I like to think that rarely are new parents really ready, per say. We're probably not on a lot of levels, but we are on others too (we've been together 7+ years, married over 1, are financially fairly steady, etc.)
I'm sure part of the reason a therapist would ask if you are really ready is just to see if you are answering that question for yourself.
Here's hoping we all figure our sh*t out and get BFPs quickly.
(January will be the next try for us).
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
Yeah, saying "don't worry" is unhelpful and unrealistic, sorry about that. I more meant, "Try to control the amount of time you spend worrying, since so much of it is out of your control and everything could be great." Unlike me, Jen is not a worrier by nature (lucky her!), so the amount of concern she had about it really took me by surprise. She told me later that the whole time we were in New Zealand (our last hurrah before TTC), she was constantly wondering if saving for and waiting for this trip before we TTCed was delaying us to the point that her window would be closed. In retrospect, no, it didn't.
Lately, I've been focusing on the thought that "most things we worry about never happen." I don't know if I saw that on this board or some other one, but I'm grateful to whoever said it. I might need to get that engraved on a necklace or something!
THIS is great advice. It's kind of what my wife (not a worrier) says to me when I freak out about the whole thing. I need to be repeat it to myself over and over...
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*
I think you two might have been on to something when you married non-worriers.
Aw, but I love my fellow worrying wife. 
We'd probably drive each other nuts if we didn't understand.
Thanks for the advice, Leapgirl. I get what you meant, and of course you're right. I think I was just trying to commiserate with those who share my fears.
All the worry in the world won't change whether I get pregnant in 1 more try or 12 or never.
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
QOTD
Overwellmed - just came back from our trip the girls got their Vaccinations today did well but now a lil fussy and now gearing up for Thansgiving which we are making ( YAY) our first formal holiday in the new house but then I start my 120 hr rotation on FRI SAT and SUN and Melanie is a bit nervous being with the girls for 36 hours by herself...
Just so much in a lil bit of time !
- J
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
kershnic and ball.and.chain, it's good to know that others are going through similar struggles/worries. I think it is really easy to get overwhelmed with all the choices and challenges that making a baby with a donor involves. I think my sense of pressure to "get going" is really more about my own fertility than C's. I'm supposed to carry second, but I have endometriosis and it might be a challenge. But I really can't worry about ALL that right now, I just have to have faith that we will find a way to make our family no matter what happens.
leapgirl, I understood where your "don't worry" was coming from. I really am a worrier by nature and figuring out how to limit worries is a big challenge for me, but I think you are absolutely right. Most of what I worry about is not within my control, and worrying won't change anything.
kershnic, you're right that part of why he was asking was to make sure we had thought about it. Considering how long the process is likely to take, I don't really feel like we are rushing at all. Oddly, I feel pretty at peace with the idea that we'll never be truly "ready", but I do think we still have some emotional preparation to do. I was just surprised that on our first big TTC decision, we were walloped by strong emotions. I have a lot of faith in my and C's relationship, and our ability to be a great team on this journey, I just wasn't expecting the challenges so soon.
AMH 0.5, AFC 5-8, FSH 7ish
IVF #1 - antagonist. Empty follicle syndrome. 1 retrieved, 0 fertilized.
IVF #2 - antagonist. Ovulated early. 3 retrieved, 2 fertilized, 0 blasts
What a thoughtful QOTD. I'm going to answer both together. I (and we) are doing so much better parenting a newborn than I feared we might. I feel really on the same page as L. The realities of foster parenting are starting to hit me, and that's a lot harder in real life than in the abstract.
At this point, I am more daily stressed about work. New boss. 100 things to do with BIG BIG changes. Getting farther and farther behind. And the original plan was to work half-time for a few weeks after a placement. Not happening. Even being here 40+ hours I don't feel like I can do what I want or do my best.