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Childless not by choice
Save the baby clothes or just let go? What do you think?
SO...today and yesterday have been good. No crying, pretty productive...I'll take it. I am feeling like I can deal with a few things. The past few weeks I have been avoiding talking to people about the last failed IUI and a few other things. My parents know about our journey (of course) but I have yet to tell them that I am not pregnant...again. This phone call (they live far away) is the most dreaded call of all time. Every day I say I am going to call and alas...it never happens. Tomorrow is my mother's birthday. Due to the occasion, I am sure I cannot avoid it any longer. That is, of course, unless I want to suffer the wrath of not calling for Mom's birthday. Nevertheless, I must call tomorrow. "Happy Birthday MOM! Guess what? I didn't get you a grandchild for your birthday! Here's a nice card instead." Not trying to be negative...it is rather humorous to me right now.
So now for the other thing I have been avoiding. Baby clothes. Ohhhhhhhhhh...... Laying in the bottom of my underwear drawer (where else...right?) are 4 onesies that I have been collecting. Three gender neutral and one that was meant for my favorite man on the day I found out that I was pregnant. It has the baby version of one of his favorite characters on the front. Should I keep them? Or...should I give them to a friend who is pregnant (she tried for 2 months and BAM...prego...grrr)? What to do? I have no clue. Part of me feels the need to let go. Part of me wants to hang on to hope. There is no explanation for my infertility. The doctors can't find a thing wrong. So should I hang on and hope that a miracle could happen or let go of the baby clothes and try to continue on my journey to healing? What do you all think?
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Re: Save the baby clothes or just let go? What do you think?
I actually bought a keepsake box to put our lost little ones stuff in. We were only pregnant for 9 weeks but in that small time frame my husband was so excited that he bought tons of Chicago Cubs stuff. We also had a "belly book", sonogram pictures, and a few other things.
I like having them. Being able to pull that stuff out every once in a while and having a good cry makes me feel good. I have no idea why.
A year or so ago I had a ton of baby stuff collected because we were days away from foster placement and we had two failed adoption placements.
I gave it all to goodwill minus one onesie.
Because MrBunny is still hopeful I have a little stash built up (mainly diapers) but once that ends it will probably go to goodwill as well.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
Hi. I just wanted to say that I understand the feeling of lingering hope because you're unexplained. I'm not unexplained really... they found stage one endo... but there is literally nothing else wrong with me and people get pregnant all the time with endo. Hell, people get pregnant with endo and PCOS, I know a woman got naturally pg with endo, Pcos and a drug addiction!!! It's crazy making. I can't imagine what it would feel like for the drs. to find nothing... anyway, I'm on a wheat free diet now and it's made a huge difference for me. And yes, the hope lingers even though I wish it would go away.
This is my suggestion for what to do with the baby clothes... if part of you wants to let them go maybe you could start by giving away part of the collection... maybe just one. See how that feels and go from there. If it feels good then you can get rid of the rest. If a miracle happens you can buy a new supply and it will be full of joy for a new start.
I for one, believe in some random Jewish bad luck tradition of never ever having baby things in your house before you have a baby.
So I don't have anything. Although, I don't know that I could have worse luck...I never want to see any of that stuff; it hurts too much.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It is so hard. I know. We tried for a long time and had many bumps in the road and many times we thought we were pregnant. Alas, we were not. Did a ton of tests and doc visits, nothing wrong with either of us.Why can't I get pregnant!?!?!
Finally, I accepted the fact that right now just isn't the time and tried to just be happy and have fun with my husband. I was actually fine with the idea of not having a baby. Then BAM, pregnant.
After trying for so long, it was hard to get excited about seeing the word 'pregnancy' on the test. Eventually, I wanted to go out and buy stuff. My husband suggested that we waited, 'just in case'. Just in case what?!?! We never get pregnant again? That isn't the way to think.... fine, if something happens and this doesn't go as planned, that sucks, but I can't sit here all day thinking that way. So I didn't. I met a lot of people that bought stuff and then just gave it away saying they got pregnant once and lost it and are never going to try again etc.
Keep the baby gear/clothes etc that you bought if you want to. My friend and her husband tried for 5 years before they got their perfect boy.
Keep your head up.
Ok, I understand that you're probably not being malicious (and if you are, shame on you...) but I can't imagine that you would think it was ok to come to a board of woman who are trying to move on from having the constant nagging "hope" that a baby might come along... and try to help them by telling them not to give up hope. The poor woman is unexplained. OF COURSE she knows it could happen... but it hasn't yet... and there is no promise that it will. Not everyone's story has a happy ending. I know you say that you've been in our shoes... but I find that really hard to believe. Then again, every infertile woman I've known seems to forget what it's like the minute she's holding a baby...
Anyway, I'm not trying to flame you, but if you make a habit of giving this kind of advice to women in this situation, STOP. It's not helpful. Really.