feeling powerless about my birth experience

Jessimurph · November 2011

Doing what's best for my body and baby is number 1...and after my appt yesterday I truly feel like my ob's #1 priority is talking me into a csection just like last time. I love him, but I really disagree with what he says about csections vs vaginal births. I have tried to find other ob's that are more vbac friendly. Most are unwilling to do vbacs completely and the ones that are willing are sketchy about it. I wish I didn't have to fight so hard and I'm having a lot of regret that I allowed him to talk me into acsection the first time. One terrible decision tainted the birth of my daughter, I believe it was a huge factor in getting severe ppd, and it's causing huge anxiety in this pregnancy. I expressed my anxiety to my ob and told him that I need to be as functional as possible to take my son for pedi orthopedic appointment every 5 days for the first 6 weeks. To ease my anxiety he told me he could clear me to drive as soon as 2 weeks after a c/s... Not what I needed to hear. I'm so scared I won't be able to function and be able to deal with my 2.5 year old, a newborn with special needs. I also feel like no one really understands where I'm coming from and I'm being viewed as a trouble maker.

Brownie_222 · November 2011

I'm so sorry you're in this spot. I hope your OB gets on board and you have a great birth and smooth recovery. I hope your anxiety lessens soon but I can absolutely see why you're feeling this way. (hugs)

cchill01 · November 2011

I'm so sorry you're feeling so powerless. It shouldn't be this hard. Are you sure you should 'love' someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart? I liked my original providers, but after my c-section I really see them all in a different light. We don't owe them anything - they owe us the best care possible.

If you can't find a new provider, then maybe you should consider a doula to help you with your VBAC. Have you talked to your local ICAN chapter? That's where I found a much better provider.

Also, if your insurance covers it, maybe you should consider some appointments with a therapist.

I really hope things work out for you.

Jessimurph · November 2011

Thank you. I just scheduled my first appt with a therapist. I think it will help me work through some of this anxiety. My iCan chapter is really pushy about home births through a specific midwife. I was going to try to go that route, but it wasn't for me and they couldn't be any more help...and were even a bit unforgiving that I couldn't make it work for me.

zubenescamali · November 2011

aw, i'm so sorry you feel this way! i too have had my moments about my practice, but whether i like it or not i'm stuck with them! being in Florida too i know how hard it is to find a vbac provider around here! and your doc can't see the future- most of them will clear an uncomplicated c/s for driving at 2 wks but cmon, how can he know you won't pass out behind the wheel from low hemoglobin (mine was still in the 7s at 2 wks pp), or will even be able to sit comfortably with your scar healing? i have no suggestions except to stick to your beliefs and don't get pressured into anything. and you're not alone.

iris427 · November 2011

I'm so sorry, Jessi. I agree with the doula suggestion. Calling some local doulas might be good for asking about VBAC friendly providers too--since they attend births, they are usually in the know.

I Googled VBAC in Orlando and some names came up in this post. Not sure if you have talked to them yet.

https://www.mothering.com/community/t/1291058/vbac-in-orlando

Also, WTF to your ICAN group not helping you if you aren't having a HBAC?? That is really crappy.

Good luck sweetie.

MrsJordanalmond · November 2011

so sorry you are feeling powerless. i feel that way too sometimes (my ob practice is vbac 'supportive' but a bit on the conservative side).

it's also frustrating that you can't seem to find the support you need ... there is a whole world of options between the scheduled c/s and home birth ... but many folks are so firmly in one camp or another that they can't seem to discuss other ideas.

i agree with the doula suggestion. the woman i hired is very zen, she wants me to have the best experience i can have and leaves room for uncertainty, changing minds, and accepting some things that are the way they are.

i am not happy that my ob practice will not allow me to go past 41 weeks, i'm not happy that they will not strip my membranes if i'm getting close to 41 weeks without 'progress', i'm not happy that there will be no discussion of inducement, and i'm not happy that even if i get to vbac, they demand continuous fetal monitoring. they know i'm not happy about these policies, but we have discussed them at length and since i know early enough, i am trying to come to terms with them and figure out how to make it work for me.

anyway, sorry to hijack ... hope you find the help you need.

mrs.jenRN · November 2011

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Jess.

I remember you from the WCF Knot boards (I used to be "losinghope")! One of the ladies on the WCF Nest boards (who is living in Chigago now) has had her daughter diagnosed with bilateral clubfoot as well. I hope you can find a provider who supports VBACs fully. My doctor says he does, but we'll see how serious he is about it when the time comes. GL!

cottonlily84 · November 2011

Sorry you're having so much emotional turmoil now. But no patient should be made to feel like a trouble maker. You should be allowed to express what you want and need during this pregnancy. Your doctor should give you his expert opinion but everything should ultimately be your decision. And when you disagree you work something out; they don't have to make you feel like an oddball.

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