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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Tula007
member
NTR: What to do about a depressed parent?
Tula007
member
Hi there,
I am a lurker but have a NTR question. I am looking for insight from outsiders. My mother is in a deep depression, and I am at a loss of what to do.
She has always struggled with depression and in march of this year was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer, she's gone through surgery and chemo and now all her scans are good and she's in remission. I honestly think she's upset she beat cancer. She was doing good for about a month and then it's like a lightbulb switch went off. She ended up losing her job after missing so many days, she hasn't bathed in over 2 weeks. She barely eats, all she does is sleep and smoke cigarettes. She has no desire to see me or my DD. I am afraid she's going to die, become a hoarder (sadly not an exaggeration) or lose her house. I would offer counseling but I know she won't go due to $$ and having Cobra insurance.
Any suggestions on what to say or do without her becoming defensive???
Thanks for reading!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NTR: What to do about a depressed parent?
I lost my mother in October to the effects of depression. I urge you to get her help. If she's not working then she does qualify for state programs and while she might not like using them because of the "stigma" attached they are there to help those who are in need.
If she's truly depressed then there is no convincing her and this may be something you need to do yourself and just take her to the appointments.
there should be a local public mental health facilty that will see her on a sliding scale based on income, for her it would be free except meds and they should help her apply for assistance with that.
If you contact the local county public health center they should be able to give you contact info for the local facility. I worked at one and it wasn't perfect (scheduling an appointment with the doctor could take a month) the staff were extremely caring and kind.
It sounds like she might be close to needing an involuntary commitment but that's a legal process that can be tricky and you'd need to sspeak with someone who is knowledgeable about doing that.
She was doing good for about a month and then it's like a lightbulb switch went off. She ended up losing her job after missing so many days a little different, but my mother was depressed to the point of psychopathy and did not work. It was immensely frustrating
, she hasn't bathed in over 2 weeks. She barely eats, all she does is sleep and smoke cigarettes. holyshit, are you and I sisters?!
She has no desire to see me or my DD. My mother does not even know I had a second baby 1.5 years ago. She has not interest in my kids (did not come to my older child's first birthday, does not want to see my brother's kids when invited to special occasions like seeing Santa at the mall).
become a hoarder (sadly not an exaggeration) my mother was (not gross bug-infested place with trash everywhere-- she hoarded food because she was afraid of not having anything to eat) or lose her house. my mother almost did-- my aunt bought it and moved in with her. This did not solve anything as it just caused more conflict-- my mother was essentially angry at some level at my aunt for doing so and would say things like, "Well, you have to ask Aunt if you can come over. It's her house."
I would offer counseling but I know she won't go due to $$ and having Cobra insurance. my mother did not have insurance and so never got help. not even when gum disease took all her teeth. not even when I offered her the money to see a dentist.
So... I am not going to be helpful at all advice-wise. My mother's illness was very destructive to me as a teenager and left lasting effects on all my relationships. She was a shittty mother as a result. She's been just as bad a grandparent. I cut her off 2 years ago. I think of it as breaking off a bad relationship, nothing more. I feel no emotional investment whatsoever about her. I want her to be well, but I couldn't climb in the hole with her anymore, and I couldn't continue to be rejected or otherwise suffer as a result of having her in my life.
I wish you luck because I have been where you are, and I did what was best for my health and what I had to do to protect my kids from being hurt. It would be nice if you didn't have to do that, but if you become unhealthy in any way as a result, please realize that it's an option as much as anything else is.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It's even more difficult because I am out of state. My sister is there though and I feel bad as she's getting the brunt of it. I will definitely look into the state options for her.
Thanks again!