I need to vent!

jessa8909 · November 2011

DH and I have been TTC for two years and most of our immediate family knows I have PCOS and the struggles that we have faced with everything. We spend every sunday at my in-laws with DH, his mom and dad, sister, her husband and their two boys. I consider myself very close with my MIL and SIL so they know just how hard all of this has been on me.

Today I was visiting with my MIL and SIL and my SIL started talking about how she is experiencing pregnancy signs. She already has two boys, ages 2 and a half and 18 months that were conceived without trying.

And then she says that she doesn't want to get pregnant this month because she would be due in July and wouldn't want to be "too hot." For some reason that really hit a nerve with me. I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant at ANYTIME. And she knows that. It made me feel like my feeIings don't even matter and it really hurt me that her and my MIL act like it's no big deal to talk about how much SIL wants a girl and how they need to start trying soon when we're struggling so hard trying to get pregnant in general. I'm not saying that she shouldn't get pregnant because I can't right now, I just wish that they would think about how much talking about that can bother me.

Sorry for babbling, I had to get that off my chest.

Thanks Ladies.

NMscubagirl · November 2011

((hugs)) those things are so hard. No one who hasn't experienced the pain of IF can understand just how hurtful conversations like that are. They are lucky to never know. For those of us who do, it stings a lot. I am sorry you had to sit through that. I am not sure I would have been able to do it without saying something I might regret!

MsGMChick · November 2011

Ditto, NM. Unfortunately (fortunately? for them) they have no clue they did anything wrong. Talking about her getting pregnant doesn't correlate to you being hurt for them. I'm sorry hun. Believe me, I understand how bad it hurts. ((hugs))

jessa8909 · November 2011

NMscubagirl:
((hugs)) those things are so hard. No one who hasn't experienced the pain of IF can understand just how hurtful conversations like that are. They are lucky to never know. For those of us who do, it stings a lot. I am sorry you had to sit through that. I am not sure I would have been able to do it without saying something I might regret!

Thank you! Yeah, it was really hard. I went to the bathroom and had a quick cry so that helped a little. I've tried to make subtle hints when she starts talking about it (it happens ALL the time) but I guess I'm going to have to be less subtle or keep leaving the room...

jessa8909 · November 2011

MsGMChick:
Ditto, NM. Unfortunately (fortunately? for them) they have no clue they did anything wrong. Talking about her getting pregnant doesn't correlate to you being hurt for them. I'm sorry hun. Believe me, I understand how bad it hurts. ((hugs))

Thank you. It doesn't help that I'm feeling extra emotional today, I think AF is lurking...UGH! The worst part is she has appologized before about talking about it so much, so she knows (at least in the back of her mind) that it has to bother me on some level.

lily8543 · November 2011

I understand- my SILs are all bad about this. One SIL has 3 kids, one has 4 kids, and the other one is going to start TTC soon. Family gatherings are hard when that's all they talk about! Sorry that today was rough for you!

Trish11278 · November 2011

People just don't understand. My SIL does things similar to yours. She will talk about when she wants to get pg and with what (boy). When she says crap like this, I tell her that I am not superficial and will be thrilled with what and when God gives me a beautiful baby. She always tries to back track her statement. I think she truly forgets what we are actually going through.

Don't apologize for venting. I have realized this is really the only place where people truly understand. We are here for you any time!

TJ1979 · November 2011

I'm so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. IF sucks.

BBN2012 · November 2011

jessa8909:
And then she says that she doesn't want to get pregnant this month because she would be due in July and wouldn't want to be "too hot." For some reason that really hit a nerve with me. I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant at ANYTIME.

Not that we're in a funny situation, but this almost made me laugh. Back when I was first TTC (over a year ago), and of course thought it would be a snap, I remember thinking things like "I'll be due next May, which works out perfectly for being on leave over the summer," or "at least I'll be due before August when it gets really hot." Now, like you said, I'd be forever grateful to be PG and have a healthy baby, any month! For women just starting out with TTC, or those who are lucky enough to not have to try, I imagine planning around the season they'd like to give birth is a nice luxury. Ugh.

brookelynpaisley · November 2011

jessa8909:

NMscubagirl:
((hugs)) those things are so hard. No one who hasn't experienced the pain of IF can understand just how hurtful conversations like that are. They are lucky to never know. For those of us who do, it stings a lot. I am sorry you had to sit through that. I am not sure I would have been able to do it without saying something I might regret!

Thank you! Yeah, it was really hard. I went to the bathroom and had a quick cry so that helped a little. I've tried to make subtle hints when she starts talking about it (it happens ALL the time) but I guess I'm going to have to be less subtle or keep leaving the room...

That's what I do. I've been known to just walk away from a conversation. I'm sorry it stings, and I know just how you feel. Maybe it would be best to just be honest with them and ask to show some sensitivity when you're around. Emphasize that you'd be excited to have a niece or another nephew but it's hard for you to hear when it's such a struggle for you. Or, like we said... leave the room. I hope things get better

jessa8909 · November 2011

Thank you all SO much! It's so great to be able to have a place where someone actually understands. IF does suck! I wish you all nothing but great things and lots of babies for all of us!

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