Visitation-Should I go?

Happily Overwhelmed · November 2011

A friend of mine from hair school just had her 7 week old baby die. A few other friends from school want me to go with them to the visitation. Being very pregnant I feel really uncomfortable going. We were pretty close in school but I haven't seen the girl in about 5 years...

Is it dumb for me to feel uncomfortable?

hlc820 · November 2011

i would NOT go...i would send a sympathy card.

BFab11 · November 2011

I'd be uncomfortable; it's a huge tragedy and your presence may be upsetting, even though I'm sure she won't be mad at you, it may just be painful for her. Personally, I'd send condolences but stay away.

Ayreka · November 2011

I wouldn't go but would send flowers. You might think about making a warning in your title so people that get anxiety over this type of thing don't open a post about a dead baby, not saying it to be mean but this stuff makes me super anxious.

skleidon21 · November 2011

Send a card.. One of my good friends lost her little girl last Dec, she was 4 months old. She died from SIDS... And some people even had the nerve to bring there new born babies. It was so sad.

NewMomAlyssa · November 2011

Oh man, no way could I go to something like that pregnant, I'd be bawling the whole time. You haven't seen her in 5 years so, I don't think she'll take offense. Send a card and some warm thoughts!

mbf124 · November 2011

I agree with everyone else. I wouldn't go, but I'd send a card or flowers.

MrsT2008 · November 2011

I would definitely not go - not even just for her, but for me as well.

Happily Overwhelmed · November 2011

Thanks ladies!!!!

DH and my one friend that's making arrangements to go both don't see a problem with it. I couldn't look at another pregnant woman or baby at that time.

MesmrEwe · November 2011

I'd be uncomfortable, but I'm sure that she'll appreciate it that you were there.

lilwildthing · November 2011

I would not go, and I would also edit the title of this thread as a previous poster suggested.

HazelBee22 · November 2011

Ayreka:
You might think about making a warning in your title so people that get anxiety over this type of thing don't open a post about a dead baby, not saying it to be mean but this stuff makes me super anxious.

Ditto this. Could you edit and add a loss warning to the title?

I agree with PPs - I would send condolences and flowers, but I wouldn't go.

LaurenRinAtlanta · November 2011

No. I wouldn't subject her to having to see me. Today I ran into someone that was pregnant just last week in her second trimester. She lost the baby, and she couldn't even look at me and had to leave. I felt terrible for her, but I didn't follow after her or try to say anything. I am pretty sure I would not want to see pregnant women for a while if I suffered a loss before or after birth.

But definitely send flowers, a hearfelt note, etc.

lala1608 · November 2011

DO NOT go to that visitation, but do send flowers if you can...how devastating for her, I can't even imagine.

Happily Overwhelmed · November 2011

LaurenRinAtlanta:

No. I wouldn't subject her to having to see me. Today I ran into someone that was pregnant just last week in her second trimester. She lost the baby, and she couldn't even look at me and had to leave. I felt terrible for her, but I didn't follow after her or try to say anything. I am pretty sure I would not want to see pregnant women for a while if I suffered a loss before or after birth.

But definitely send flowers, a hearfelt note, etc.

Agreed. DH and I tried forever to get pregnant. I had the hardest time seeing all our friends pregnant. This has to be worse than that.

My friend's baby died from suffication. Apparently she fell asleep with him on the couch. Not saying that I would put myself in that position but if I were her I'd take one look at me and think about rolling back time to be in my position and try it all again. I'm sure she's already a wreck. I'd feel guilty adding to that.

*Hope my post title is better! I wasn't thinking clearly when I posted.

CountingUp · November 2011

I also would not go to this visitation. If the mom or dad were current friends I would absolutely be there for them in person but for a friend from my past I would keep it to a card/donation to the charity of their choice if they've listed one.

mommyparky · November 2011

I was in a similar situtation, My SIL lost her baby at 20 wks and we were 18 wks pregnant with ours. Because it was our family we did go to the funeral and visitation. I'm very thankful that I did go and show our support even though it was a hard time for everyone. She and her husband really havn't had much contact with us since the summer only a few times. Its a hard situation, but you have to do with whatever you feel is right. If years down the road you can look back and say I am glad with what I did to show support then that is what needs to be done now. It was very hard for us and them, i'm pretty sure they would of been ok with us not even showing up since they didn't want to see us, but I knew if I did not go I would look back and regret not being there for them during that time. If you feel like your support can be shown by sending a card then just do that. Its going to hurt that day not matter what and someday they will realize you showed support.

FYI - It is a very hard thing to attend and diffantly harder when your pregnant, but my SIL did have a beautiful service that they needed for closure.

wearsunscreen · November 2011

hlc820:
i would NOT go...i would send a sympathy card.

I agree I wouldn't go... send a card.

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