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Parenting
jessicaclare
member
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
A friend lost her baby...
jessicaclare
member
in Parenting
A dear, dear friend of mine found out today that she will have to give birth to a stillborn tonight. She is part of a close knit group of women and none of us know what to do for her. We are obviously giving her as much love, support and prayers as we can, but we'd like to do something more concrete.
Can anyone suggest something? I know this seems silly, but I just feel very blank right now.
Thanks.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A friend lost her baby...
Sounds like what you're doing is probably the best you can (and what she may need) right now.
Maybe everyone give her your phone numbers and offer to take turns cooking, babysitting if she has older kids, help pay medical expenses...IDK her situation but if you put yourself in her shoes you'll probably figure out the things she might need in the coming days and weeks as well. I am so sorry about her loss.
I agree. I had a close friend who lost a baby (after years of trying) midway through the second trimester. I made a point of reaching out to her on the babe's due date to let her know that I had not forgotten. She was very appreciative of that.
Yeah, what do you say or do in that situation? I always make food because I feel helpless and that's what I do...feed people. I think your love, support, and prayers are the best thing. Let her know you are seriously there for anything she needs, but give her some space, too.
I'm so sorry.
Since she is a close friend, I would consider a bracelet or necklace, maybe something that has the babys initials on it or something? I think there are mommy necklaces somewhere maybe on etsy.com? I don't think I would include the delivery date (since it wont really be a BIRTHdate) but definitely the name or initials.
Food is my first instinct too. I just feel like I have to DO something, its my response to crisis, I think.
Thank you all for your ideas and your kind words.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
This was my thought also. I know there is a specific photography company across the country that does pictures. The girls over there will know what the name is.
Its actually called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. They use volunteers, I believe. I friend of mine that is a photographer works with them. She's friends with this girl, so I'm not sure if she will offer her services.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
When our daughter passed away the best thing that anyone could do for us was offer prayers and make us meals. I personally didn't want a lot of reminders around my home like plaques, flowers, pictures or jewelry, but that was just me.
When we lost our twins due to stillbirth the very best thing people gave us were...
...meals or freezer meals as going to the store was horrible.
...notes/cards, esp. months later when reality sets in
... Willow Tree makes beautiful angels.
My heart hurts for her and her family. The Holiday Season is going to be so difficult. PM if you need any more ideas.
Nicole. Mommy to two angels and one living son.
if you are up for it, you could offer to help with final arrangements. The hospital will give them information but it is so much to take in at once. If they are inclined for a memorial service, help getting info on burial vs. cremation.
The hospital will probably offer to contact Now I lay me Down to Sleep. Are there any pets that need taken care of while they are at the hospital? Gift certificates for food or freezer meals are helpful. Plants are generally better than cut flowers. One of my friends came how to a lovely note and card and a memorial tree planted in their yard, they really appreciated it.
Be there in the months ahead too. Her due date (if that's not immediate), a week, a month, a year, etc. Using the baby's name is generally appreciated. At some point they might want help dealing with the nursery or any shower gifts. That might not be for awhile or it might be something they feel the need to tackle right away.
My friend delivered her baby still born at 38 weeks and this was after losing the twin at 13 weeks. We wanted to do something for them, but it was important that it was something lasting and not flowers or a plant that might not make it.
We order her a remembrance necklace from Etsy. There are a lot of beautiful ones. We had it made with an angel wings, his name, his birthstone and birth date. It was really pretty, and she has commented that it means to much to her. In fact, she wears it daily and said she touches it when she thinks of him. We also gave them a gift card to get take out.
My thoughts are with your friend. What a terrible situation.
This definitely shows that everyone grieves differently, because our friends have said that cards (especially those coming later) are hurtful, because she will feel like she is going ok, then check the mail and instantly be on her knees in tears again.
She has also had a couple people do things on his birth date (like donating to the humane society in his name, etc) and letting her know. She said it helps that people are acknowledging him as a real person and helping his memory live on, if that makes sense.