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1st Trimester
bride711
member
So hurtful......little vent!!
bride711
member
Hi Ladies,
So to give you a little background. After our first son was born, I had a severe case of Pre-eclampsia postpartum and had high blood pressure lingering for 6 months. Because of this I was unable to return to work and my husband and I moved out of our condo with our son and moved in with my in-laws. At first everything was great but a year into us being there, when our son was walking and becoming a little person, my mother in law became very possessive of our son. Not letting anyone else hold him. Even as his mother, if I went to her, to get him, she would pull aways with my son in her arms. Well it only worsened and my DH and I had to say something to her and my father in law numerous times.
Overtime, the air got thicker and thicker. We always kept things civil and with respect when we spoke to them and stressed to them that we want everyone on the same page with a nice balance and for our relationship with them to never be affected by anything. They said they want us to talk with them and express how we feel. So we did! And nicely like I said. But it has just gotten worse and worse, to the point that they were not talking to their own son. Literally walking past him in the hall without even a head raise. Needless to say we moved out.
Well last night we had to go to their house for my brother in laws girlfriends' dinner. When we walked in we sat down with his parents and said "we wanted to thank you for opening your home to us for the time that you did, it was very much appreciated and this is what we wanted to give you to say thank you" So we gave them a $100 gift certificate to a fancy italian restaurant.
Well the reason why I am so hurt is because, no one spoke to me all night. They never asked how I was feeling being 3 months pregnant. Never spoke to ask anything about me or the new baby. Instead, they asked my husband everything about him, my brother in law about him, and his girlfriend about everything down to her car.
Thoughts??
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Re: So hurtful......little vent!!
WHen did you move out? And where is your DH in this? What are his thoughts?
I think you and your DH need to get on the same page - you (as a family) will not go over to their home if they're going to treat you like that. If he agrees to this (and if he doesnn't, you have a DH problem), he then needs to tell his parents this. I do think he needs to ask them "whats going on" and see where their heads are at. This is why I'm wondering how long ago you moved out. Do they see the tension as being because of YOU? There could be something that you did that really does need to be addressed.
But if this isn't the case and this is just them "blaming" you for the rocky relationship, the ultimate message needs to be that you're his wife, the mother of the child THEY love so much - they need to treat you w/ respect. If they can't do this - then they won't be seeing any of you....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I know there is probably 2 sides of the story, and I think for you being 3 months pregnant right now, just dont sweat it. Talk to your DH about your opinion and you thoughts, and whenever you are invited to your MIL house just act nice and sincere. I'm pretty sure that your MIL just overreacted and further more it will be better especially when the second one is born.
I too have some problems with DH family but its not my MIL and FIL but more like his extended family. When we had our wedding which is 1,5 years ago everyone decline to help, with decorations and small stuff but when one of his cousin got married earlier this year all of the family get together and help them with every little things. Now I felt like I just want to keep my pregnancy a secret because of the scarring that I got. But I just decided that I wont sweat on it and just move along with my life. I talked to DH about it and he was pretty understanding.
Main thing is make sure you have your feeling across to DH so he knows your side of the story, it looks like based on your story that he is really supportive about the whole situation.