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Stay at Home Moms
Christmas plans if family nearby?
Ok, question for you all. If your family is nearby (either yours or husbands or both) and you see them for the holidays, do you see them on both Christmas Eve and Christmas day? Or just one or the other? Or one family on one day and one on the other? Do you have any part of Christmas that is just for you and your husband/kids besides Christmas morning?
The reason I am asking is because my parents live 6 hrs away but are coming up for Christmas. Personally I would like to spend time with them alone on Christmas Eve and then see my husband's family on Christmas Day as planned (his parents, divorced, and his brother/SIL are coming along with SIL's parents) for dinner and gifts in the afternoon. I already know this is going to be a battle of me fighting to have Christmas Eve with just us and my parents at my house and mellow. But maybe I shouldn't fight it. I guess I don't see why we need to see his family on Christams Eve, especially when my parents aren't usually here for Christmas but maybe I'm being a scrooge. 
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Re: Christmas plans if family nearby?
I think your dh should be the one to tell his parents that you're spending Christmas eve at home with your parents, but you can't wait til Christmas day to see them! You're def not being unreasonable!!
For us, we do it with my parents whenever my sister and BIL are available, sometimes it's a week before or after Christmas (my BIL's family lives across the country, so they fly whenever cheap tickets become available, and we work around that). My dh's mom holds us to Christmas day at her house, it's the only time she is like a drill seargant, we will be there.
We do Christmas Eve at home - we may invite the IL's over. That is up to my H
Christmas is non-negotiable, we always spend it with my family. I have 6 siblings and each year we rotate who hosts. The beauty of it is that it doesn't get started until 3 or 4, so we have all morning/afternoon to hang out with the kids and relax before we need to go anywhere
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
All of our family is local. It can suck, but we try to see everyone on every holiday. Except for that we see my mom's side on Christmas day and my dad's side on Christmas Eve. We still see all of DH's family on every holiday. I kind of like it because DH and I have been together for 10 years, it's normal for us and just doesn't feel like Christmas without seeing everybody.
We even did this with a 6 day old baby, which I do NOT recommend!
DH is a retail manager so he works the day of Christmas Eve and is always home by 6PM. We used to go to his familys late and stay up late hanging out with the adults but now that we have DS we want to stay home Christmas Eve. We will have a nice dinner, read Chrismas books, DS will go t be and DH and I will do the Santa thing and spend time together.
The next morning we wake up early and do Christmas at our home and will leave and be at MIL's by 10 or 11 for the day.
My family does not really do much on Holidays so we only go and see DH's family. We SOMETIMES go see FIL at some point, but it kindof depends on how DH and him are with each other at the point to be honest....
Well this is easy for me because my entire family lives in a seperate country!
DH's parents divorced when he was very young. Since he was a kid, he's done Christmas Eve at his Dad's house and Christmas Day with his Mom. When we got married, we decided to keep that up. So now we do Christmas Eve with FIL, Christmas morning at our house, and the afternoon at MIL's house. I'm not super thrilled with it, but I married into a big close family, so this is as close to happy as I'm going to get, lol!
However, we did make a deal to alternate Thanksgivings and go to only one house every year. That has worked out well for us.
My parents are close and his are 7+ hours away so we only ever do one family per year at Christmas. The years we do his family for Christmas we go to my family for New Years so it's like a week between. For the years when we are at my family for Christmas we go over on Christmas Eve after the Christmas Eve service at church and stay until whenever we have to leave, Then on Christmas morning we'll do our own family time first and go to my parents for brunch at around 10:30/11ish.
Once our kids get a bit older we probably won't go out until later in the afternoon and we probably won't be driving to my in-laws every other year either because of our own family traditions and such.
Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010
natural m/c March 11, 2011 at 8 1/2 weeks
Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012
Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks
Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014
Started our exploration into the world of international adoption June 2012. We have no idea what this is going to look like but we are excited to find out!
First off, DH & his extended family are currently not talking. There was major issue after FIL passed. Only one uncle and his grandfather showed up at the funeral. None of his other aunts, uncles, or cousins. So we're done w/them all.
BIL lives in Taiwan with his wife & son, so they're out.
That just leaves MIL.
This is the first Christmas since my FIL passed. Usually she would spend the holiday at the nursing home with him and then come up with us on Christmas day.
We visit my grandmother on Christmas eve with the majority of my mom's side of the family. We invited my MIL to come, but she is chosing to stay home.
On Christmas day we don't leave our house, period. Our home is open to whomever wants to come by. We're the only one w/kids right now, so usually my brother & Sil come by in the afternoon & my sister and her FI. My parents come and my MIL comes and spends the night. We've also had a few aunts/cousins come over on Christmas day too. THe more the merrier, but we don't do "dinner" per se. Instead, we have a bunch of food on the stove top- ham, piergoies, stuffed cabbage, etc.. that is available pretty much all afternoon.
In your situation, I think it's tough. Yes you only see your parents every once in a while, but it is a holiday. I'd explain how you're feeling to YH and see what he says.
We live 10 hours from both of our families but they are in the same town and we are going "home" for Christmas. We spend Christmas Eve with my parents, siblings, and my mom's parents. We have always opened presents and had Christmas on Christmas Eve so my parents have just continued that. Santa comes to my parents house and we have our Christmas with just the 4 of us on Christmas morning. My parents are great and stay upstairs so we can have that time for just us. On Christmas day we have lunch with DH's mom, siblings, and grandparents. Then we go to dinner at my grandparents(my dad's parents) with all of my aunts, uncles, & cousins.
DH's sister and her H rotate holidays between her family and her H's family(in a different state). The years that they go to her H's family, we have Christmas with ILs a different day. I like those years because Christmas Day is much less rushed.
DH's parents are divorced. We have a very rocky relationship with FIL and SMIL and have only seen them for Christmas 2 times since we got married. The 2 times we have seen them were on a different day. Christmas is busy already and they pick a different day. We won't be having Christmas with them this year.
I don't think you are being a scrooge. Christmas is supposed to be enjoyable. I think it is totally okay to spend Christmas eve with just your family if that is what you want to do.
Overall it sounds like everybody has some complexity in their Christmas plans. I guess that is the way it goes these days. I am not sure what I am going to say/do yet. My husband will most likely be upset if I say I want to stay home on Christmas Eve. And he feels guilty because his mom will be home alone for that evening (although we will of course see her the next day, but she is the only parent that is single and she doesn't let us forget it).
We live within a 5 minute drive of both sets of parents, and Christmases are usually a gong show! When we were married, before we had kids, we'd usually split Christmas day between the 2 families and had little to no time for ourselves. Now that we have kids we always reserve Christmas morning for our own time at home to have breakfast and do presents. Christmas eve is usually spent at my parents home, as we usually go to Mass with them and then back to their house for food and festivities. For the past couple of years Christmas dinner has been divided between days; one family will do it on Christmas day, and another on Boxing day (the 26th). Even though it makes for a busy few days, we've been lucky so far to not have to really choose between families.
In your situation, since your parents are coming to you from a distance, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to spend Christmas Eve with them and keep it simple and quiet. If you spend Christmas day with DHs family, then there's no reason you cant have Christmas Eve with yours. Dh should approach his parents about it.
My parents will still be with us for Christmas day, so does that change your answer? It's just that it'll be the whole family on Christmas versus just us and my parents on Christmas Eve. And honestly, if my parents weren't here, I might still want Christmas eve just for us. I feel sort of antisocial, but it just sounds nice to me. I get stressed when we have to do running around.
I haven't read the replies...sorry
1) would you see his family on christmas eve if your parents weren't here?
2) what did you do last year? (people like to develop (and expect) routine)
There really isn't much more worse to me than trying to sort our families vs. holidays. It is impossible to me.
No sh*t. I hate this part of it. Really. I am a people pleaser and Christmas is the time of year when somebody (usually more than one) gets screwed.
Anyway... in years past we have gone to husband's dad's house. They do a dinner, it's a big affair. We try to leave early each year and every year we can't get out before 10 (WITH kids). Now that my BIL also has kids we're not going to go and neither are they (FIL doesn't know this yet). But it's going to be the first year in a very long time that the boys won't be at their dad's for Christmas Eve. That being said, it's been a super long time since they've spent it with their mom at all and we haven't been with my parents ON Christmas in several years and never at our own house.
So we are both (us and BIL) trying to break the tradition this year. The only twist is that I think my BIL wants to have everyone over on Christmas eve afternoon to watch a movie and have pizza and keep it low key. It sounds cool, but if we are doing Christmas Day all together, I don't see why we need to almost the exact same thing (without gifts) on Christmas Eve.
I have issues.
So BIL can host it and you guys can bow out to have Christmas with your family. They are the in town guests. Your BIL nor MIL is getting screwed too bad as they still have each other. But would your parents be invited to low key pizza at BIL's of Christmas Eve? So by choosing ONLY your parents on Christmas Eve, you are choosing them over them+ILs, right?
Its about being with family, laney- being with family (sarcastic eye roll here)
It is a lot of "dynamics" to try to orchestrate.
We visit my family on Christmas Eve and the IL's on Christmas Day in the afternoon.
I grew up visitng three houses on Christmas Eve and two on Christmas Day. I did not want all of that running around and adhering to schedules with my own family. I'd invite both sides over for Christmas Eve and spebd Christmas Day with just DH and the children if I could, but that's not possible right now.
Dh's family is 15 minutes away and so are mine. Christmas Eve is at the IL's, usually late morning/ early afternoon (I try to get to the Christmas Eve service at our church most years and it is early evening). Christmas morning is just us and then my family usually comes over around 11 or 12 and we spend the rest of the day together.
We do not see DH's family on Christmas Day and if we see my family on Christmas Eve then it is only at the church service (we go to the same church).
Since everyone is so close, we have to do this for all holidays. Luckily the IL's do Thanksgiving and Easter not on the actual day, so we aren't running around like crazy on the holiday. Thanksgiving is usually the weekend before and Easter is Palm Sunday. This way we get to celebrate with each side, but we get to do so in a relaxed atomsphere since we aren't running around.
Mother's day and Father's day is exhausting, lunch with one side, dinner with the other. Right now we do mother's day and father's day separate for DH and I (dinner Friday or Saturday). As the kids get older we may change how we do things, but it is hard with family so close.
its crazy but.. on christmas eve we do FIs moms side at one of the aunts house. (and when i was working i always worked christmas eve so i would go straight from work) then christmas morning we open presents home then go to FIs brothers house for a few and then off to my moms to open presents ( we are at my moms by like 10am) and then we hang out there and go home relax get dressed and go to my aunts house with the whole family for the rest of the day/night. Its crazy and we dont really get any time for just us, but thats how its been all of my life and I love being with family on the holidays. I wouldnt have it any other way.