LONG - Reflecting on why it hasn't happened yet (religion mentioned)...

psubride1012 · November 2011

So I have been seeing a therapist to help me deal with IF because I was finding that lately I am not dealing with it in the most positive way. She is pretty spiritual too and we have been talking a lot about God and my anger towards him for not blessing us with a baby yet. We keep going back to the concept that God has a far greater plan and that it WILL happen in the right time.

In hindsight, there are lots of things that happened in the last year that wouldn't have been as easy to do if I were KU or had a baby. By far, the biggest thing was my promotion into management in May. It has been challenging (and exciting) to find my way and establish myself as a manager at my company. Not that it will stop us from trying, but I do see how having a good year in this new position before leaving for maternity leave would be beneficial to me and my career. I was also able to go to Florida in July and have a blast at a "Hangover-esque" bachelorette party weekend, be a bridesmaid in 2 weddings, and get various home improvement projects done - all of which would have been challenging if I were KU.

Looking ahead, I know H isn't thrilled with his job and may make a job change and we have also been discussing moving to a different part of the city; both of which will be challenging to deal with if we bring a child into the picture. I still have a lot of work to do on myself as well - losing weight, working on my patience and generally getting myself into the best possible state I can be to be the best possible mother I can be.

Overall, I do believe that God has a plan; one far better than I can even imagine for myself. And I am challenging myself to believe that he will bless me with a baby when the time is right. It's a daily struggle of faith, but I am trying. So all of this is slowly helping me come to peace with the fact that I may have to continue to wait for the "perfect time" - but helps me to keep my hope and faith alive that it WILL happen.

Do you have any reflections that you want to share?

tgreenf · November 2011

A close friend of mine who is going through IVF right now sent me this: Is there something you are waiting for, something you are trusting God to do, to perform, to fulfill, and He hasn't done it yet? You are probably waiting longer than you thought you would have to wait. But that doesn't mean God's provision is canceled, it just means His promise is delayed. Our timetable is different from His, and on occasion He will say, "Wait." I repeat, the delay doesn't mean He has canceled it, it simply means He's building our character through the process of waiting.I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:I I agree with you, its so incredibly hard not to doubt God's plan and be mad about it sometimes. I have to remind myself every single day of this! Just wanted to share that message and let you know that you are not alone. (((hugs))

psubride1012 · November 2011

Bluenoser4ever:

Although I do not believe in God, I do think that everything happens for a reason. I know that my mm/c was a result of something not quite "right" with the baby. Does it make it any easier? Not really but it does provide some comfort.

I want to send you some BIG (((hugs))). I've missed you on TTGP but have always been keeping my eye on your chart. I hope that you get your BFP soon psu.

Thanks, sweetie! ((hugs)) I have missed you too! For whatever reason, approaching 1 year since my m/c has been harder than approaching 1 year of TTC. But you are right - whether you believe in God or not, everything does happen for a reason.

psubride1012 · November 2011

tgreenf:
A close friend of mine who is going through IVF right now sent me this:

Is there something you are waiting for, something you are trusting God to do, to perform, to fulfill, and He hasn't done it yet? You are probably waiting longer than you thought you would have to wait. But that doesn't mean God's provision is canceled, it just means His promise is delayed. Our timetable is different from His, and on occasion He will say, "Wait." I repeat, the delay doesn't mean He has canceled it, it simply means He's building our character through the process of waiting.

I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:I

I agree with you, its so incredibly hard not to doubt God's plan and be mad about it sometimes. I have to remind myself every single day of this! Just wanted to share that message and let you know that you are not alone. (((hugs))

Yes I love this!

TJ1979 · November 2011

I'm so glad you posted this. I consider myself a pretty religious person, but I have been having a sort of crisis of faith while dealing with all of this. It's so hard to understand why God would want us to go through this much pain. It's hard to understand why God would allow so many people to have unwanted babies when there are so many that want them so badly but don't get them. I keep trying to remind myself that He has a plan, and I just need to be patient. But it's so hard. I had been backing away from church in my anger. But after my m/c I went running back. And I think that for me, going back to church is helping me deal with all of this mentally. I hope you are able to keep the faith and get your take home baby soon.

psubride1012 · November 2011

cinciem:

Our service at church today was all about how struggle is what makes us strong. They were talking about never running away from a good fight bc it is how you become the ultimate version of yourself. I, of course, was sobbing.

Dealing with IF while in the face of a debilitating spinal degeneration condition has been the most difficult challenge of my life. I hope and pray it makes me a better version of myself, but if I'm honest it makes me feel weak more often than it makes me feel strong.

I know we will all make it through this. That I have complete faith in. Thank you for posting today. It helps to go through it together.

((Hugs)) You are stronger than you know. The fact that you aren't giving up on your dream to be a mother with an underlying health condition is proof of that!

What a great message from church today - another keeper! I agree - all of us are going to be phenomenal moms because of all we have to go through to get there!

KLN1179 · November 2011

I have found myself becoming quite angry and sad the past year and a half. It seems God has been getting the blame lately. I find myself questioning why it hasn't happened for us. All last month our services were about marriage and family. I kept thinking, I would do that, I can be that, why can't we have a baby?! So I took stock in what I have and thought it was time to be thankful for that and keep praying for our turn. I am hoping it happens for us soon, if not, we will continue on our path and keep praying.

psubride1012 · November 2011

KLN1179:
I have found myself becoming quite angry and sad the past year and a half. It seems God has been getting the blame lately. I find myself questioning why it hasn't happened for us. All last month our services were about marriage and family. I kept thinking, I would do that, I can be that, why can't we have a baby?! So I took stock in what I have and thought it was time to be thankful for that and keep praying for our turn. I am hoping it happens for us soon, if not, we will continue on our path and keep praying.

I feel the same way! I will keep praying for my turn too. Yes

zookbride · November 2011

psubride1012:
Bluenoser4ever:

Although I do not believe in God, I do think that everything happens for a reason. I know that my mm/c was a result of something not quite "right" with the baby. Does it make it any easier? Not really but it does provide some comfort.

I want to send you some BIG (((hugs))). I've missed you on TTGP but have always been keeping my eye on your chart. I hope that you get your BFP soon psu.

Thanks, sweetie! ((hugs)) I have missed you too! For whatever reason, approaching 1 year since my m/c has been harder than approaching 1 year of TTC. But you are right - whether you believe in God or not, everything does happen for a reason.

PSU....I think I remember you on TTGP, I'm so sorry you are over here and I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I feel the same way about the m/c I had a year ago Feb. The fact that 2 years is coming up since that m/c and I still haven't gotten pg yet is very discouraging. I don't like the fact that 3 years is coming up TTC either...but that m/c anniversary is heartbreaking.

Gotta keep trucking along. I know we don't see the "big picture" and like you said, a lot of things happened this year that would have been hard to deal with if I had been pg or already had a baby. In time we'll look back and go "Oh... so that's why I had to wait so long." May not make this time easier while we're waiting, but I know it makes me feel better when I have reasons to why something happened.

tgreenf: I love that quote you shared, thank you!

ukcats27 · November 2011

I just want to give you (((big massive hugs)))

10-4LilBuddy · November 2011

My DH and I were talking about this during lunch today. I mentioned that our difficulties will make me a better parent. I'm a pretty patient person but this has tested my patience, faith, and optimism. I pray every day for healthy, happy babies for myself and all who also pray for a child. Hugs to all.

weddinginbloom · November 2011

I agree that our extra wait time will make us all better parents. I'm glad to know that none of you ladies will be making future annoying facebook posts like "anyone want to adopt my kid? He's being so annoying today." Our babies will be very wanted and appreciated.

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." ~Peter Marshall

kaleidoskpeyez · November 2011

I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts on this. I've found it very encouraging, and I needed to "hear" it.

One of my grandfather's favorite phrases was, "Nothing is impossible; the impossible just takes longer." In my mind, his words are intertwined with Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," and Luke 1:37, "For with God, nothing will be impossible." Parenthood hasn't happened in my timing, but I have to believe that it will happen in God's time. And, as PPs stated, I believe that this experience will make me a stronger person and a better parent.

I know we don't all share the same faith, but I wanted to say that I think the hope and encouragement present on this board is inspiring. (((HUGS))) to all of you!!

jerseygirl612 · November 2011

I enjoyed this post. Dont ever forget Matthew 21:22 either. "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.?

Personally, no matter what happens, I will never stop praising the Lord and believing he will bless me with a child one day. Everything is on His time, not ours.

Robeano · November 2011

I feel like everybody on here is expressing what I'm feeling. I have peace and assurance from God that I will have children. I just don't know when, or how that is going to look. So I find that I get very impatient and everymonth I let myself think "this is the month that God is gonna bless me" I find the perfect reasons every month to see how his timing would be perfect. But I mean in reality no matter what I do, if the timing isn't right it's not gonna happen.

I like to believe I'm waiting for the right child, a child that will impact the world and I have to be an amazing mom to raise this child. And to be an amazing mom I have to go through a lot. I have to be strong, I have to have compassion and I have to yearn for the child.

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