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Adoption
calling a potential birth mom
I haven't been on here in a long while. We began the adoption process in July of 2010 so we are currently on month 16, which sounds ridiculous to me (I know many others have had longer waits and with our agency we have only been officially waiting for under a year...but it still sucks).
Anyway, one of my friends sent me a message that she knows a woman who is pregnant, due in January, and wants to choose an adoption plan for her baby. She wanted to know if I wanted her to pass along my contact info. Of course I did. So she called the woman and told her about my DH and I. My friend said the BM sounded responsive to our information but she doesn't know how many other potential adoptive parents have been brought to her attention.
My friend asked potential BM is she could give my DH and I her phone number. So now I have this woman's phone number and I need to give her a call. She doesn't want to go through an adoption agency. She just wants to do a private adoption. Which is fine with me, but I am stressing about what to say to her and how to handle the whole situation.
Any advice?
Beginning Adoption Process July 2010
sarahssarcasm.blogspot.com
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Re: calling a potential birth mom
How exciting. I hope this works out for you.
I think the best advice I ever got was to admit that you're nervous. I'm sure she will be too, and it will be nice ice-breaker to know that you both are feeling a little awkward. Hopefully the conversation will flow from there.
GL and let us know how it goes.
It's a-ok to be nervous and to say so! I actually had to do the same thing and and I remember taking a lot of deep breaths before I made the call. What helped me to get though it was to just spend some time in my mind empathizing with this person that would be on the other end of the line. To know that I'm about to call them in a time of their life where maybe things are a bit upside down and think about what I was really trying to do. I knew that we wanted a baby but I guess I didn't know if I wanted HER baby to be my baby. Maybe that wasn't the plan but I knew I could approach the situation with compassion and hopefully give some helpful information. Setting those introductory goals for the call made me relax just a bit. I mean, we always got so excited at the prospect of a baby but by that time we had been through a lot and I knew that not every potential situation was going to be for us. And it also helped me not expect too much - get my hopes too high.
In our story, it was about 6 weeks later that she called back and asked if we could meet face to face.
Good luck! You will find the strength to do it!
You've received great advice.
My experience is it being easier than expected to talk with Birth Moms.
Admit how you are feeling.... I also shared a bit of our apprehensions since we'd been through a lot. Being human seemed to help put her at ease.
Best of luck!
Smith so glad to see that you are doing well. Been wondering how the wait with the agency was going. I get the frustration on it feeling like it takes so long.
We actually had a possible situation arise right after we signed with the agency and the same story she wanted to do a private adoption. We actually ended up writing a letter instead of calling but PP gave great advice. Just admit you are nervous because chances are she's more nervous. Best of luck and let us know how it goes.