I'm a little jealous.

old_time_girl · November 2011

So, before even getting pregnant there were things that I knew for sure I wanted to do, EBF, cloth diaper and have an unmedicated home birth.

Well, we had a little BC fail and we ended up pregnant before we were ready, I was following through with home birth midwives, but I got extreme morning sickness and ended up in the hospital for fluids and they gave me something for the nausea. Well my midwives acted like I was killing my baby by taking these drugs and I just didn't feel comfortable with them anymore, so I switched midwives to a CNM which required for me to give birth in a hospital. That was bummer #1

Bummer #2 when I went into labor I ended up with heavy heavy bleeding and passing clots, so they required that baby be continualy monitered, so I was confind to bed, and they said that I was high risk for a c-section. They said that in the case of emergency, they wouldn't have time to place the epidural and I would have to have been put under for surgery if it had to happen. Because I didn't want to 'miss the birth' I opted to have the epidural anyway...I ended up not needing a c-section and I was mad at myself for giving in for fear of missing the birth. (In pain, scared FTM) I regret the choice that I made.

Fast forward to one of my friends, when she had her first 2 years earlier she made the bold comment of "I highly recommend the epidural! I have no idea why someone would want to go through that!" Well now due with her 2nd, wanted to give natural birth a try. At 34 weeks she starts talking to me about it, asking about all the research and prep I had done...Well, after a 6 hour induced labor at 38 weeks, she went epidural free. I know I should be proud of her, but I can't help but feeling so jealous of the fact that she did NOTHING to prepare and had a wonderful birth experience that I had been wanting and preparing for for so long.

Thanks for letting me vent.

KateLouise · November 2011

I haven't been in your situation but I can imagine feeling disappointed and "ripped off"

However, I think I can also understand why you made the decision that you did at the time. Being in labour can be overwhelming anyway, but to be in labour and have to make tough decisions as new information gets thrown at you can only make it more overwhelming.

So I suppose I want to encourage you to give yourself a break. You were in a high stress situation with health professionals (who I'll assume were speaking accurately and honestly) that were outlining potentially scary options and outcomes.

I don't know if you plan anymore children, but if you do maybe there's aspects of your birth experience that you can look at ways you could alter and use it as a learning experience when the time is right.

pinksweetpea2 · November 2011

Just remind yourself that she is the exception, not the rule. I did end up with a natural birth myself, but it was hard- Lily didn't come until 43 weeks, my labor was really long and hard, I pushed for 3.5 hours, and I tore really bad....and then BF was extremely painful and difficult for the first 11 weeks. My good friend went into labor at 39 weeks, had a textbook experience, pushed for 30 minutes, didn't tear and then had no troubles with BF. At first I was VERY jealous of her experience, however in the end I realized that it is what it is and my experience was my own and one that shaped how I view birth for myself and others (for the better I think).

Yes, there are people who are lucky* to easily give birth without the epi, but that is not the norm in our society. It is more normal to have to fight tooth and nail for what you want...and even more normal for things to happen that make it impossible.

At least now you won't have to hear her lament about the wonderfulness of the epi.

*I star this because there is a woman on my current BMB who went natural with her first due to a very fast labor and is still pissed about it. She didn't WANT to go natural and does not view herself as lucky in the slightest.

I try to keep her in the back of my mind when speak now about topics such as these. Perspective really is one of the more important factors in birth.

catsinawindow · November 2011

I was in a very similar situation with the epi. It was "now or never" to place the catheter due to PreE complications and at the time a c-section was looking like a distinct possibility. I did end up delivering vaginally, and was more than a little jealous when two friends had beautiful natural births in the three months following mine.

In the hospital a nurse (who had natural births herself) told me that I can't compare my birth experience to anyone else's. Everyone's birth is different and what's right for someone else may not be right for you. At the time, you made the best decision you could. The cliche "hind-sight is always 20-20" is overused, but applies here.

If you know anyone you can talk to about how you're feeling, that might help. Talking with my sister (even though she's never given birth) was very therapeutic. So was writing a birth story. Just recently, I've started to embrace my son's birth. It wasn't how I planned or hoped, but it was ironic, dramatic, and funny at times. Best of all, it had a happy ending. And I learned a lot. I'm really looking forward to planning my next natural birth in a few years with all the new information I have.

Feel free to mourn the loss of your planned birth experience, but please don't beat yourself up about it. You made a very hard decision that you felt was best for you and your baby. If things had gone a little differently it would have been the "right" decision. You just couldn't know at the time.

reederah · November 2011

I'd be jealous too, don't worry about it. And if you're planning for another child you can definitely try to go natural again.

If I'd been in your situation, I'd probably choose the epi. There was no way to know that you wouldn't end up with a c-section.

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