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Single Parents
hello - intro and questions
I've been thinking about divorce for about a year now, and i'm getting closer to actually starting the process. I have 2 boys, 1.5 and 4 years old.
I was wondering if you guys could tell me about dividing parenting time and rules about moving.
We were thinking about moving out of state, DH is interviewing for a job right now. Am i correct in thinking that wherever we divorce is likely where we will need to stay if we have shared custody? I kinda want to move, but i have a job here and am familiar with the new area. if i am not able to get a job in the new state i won't have any option to leave, and even if i can find a job, it seems like it'd be more stressful to start over in a totally new place.
DH is an ok dad, he doesn't do much for the kids, and on the weekends he's mostly checked out and doesn't really spend quality time with them. I have no idea what to propose for a custody arrangement. I'm not super worried about him fighting me on it, because he just doesn't seem too interested/able to take care of them because he works long hours.
By big stress is that i am currently .75 FTE (30 hours a week, with summers off) and so i don't bring home a lot of $. DH makes 4x what I do. I used a CS calculator, and it appears his CS won't quite cover daycare, let alone other expenses. I'm looking at my budget now and looking for ways to decrease my expenses while still providing a decent home and food for my boys...our lifestyle is going to change quite a bit, i think. I guess i'm just looking for some general words of advice or support. thisshit is really hard.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: hello - intro and questions
You don't have to move anywhere and if you do move courts don't usually force you to stay there if you are truely moving for a better situation for yourself/children.
You can still have shared custody but have a long distance visitation setup.
He's the one moving so I would push that he covers travel costs or at least 80%.
Talk to a lawyer in your area and protect your interests.
Daycare expenses are **USUALLY** added on as an additional expense on top of CS and anywhere from a 50-50 split or a percentage split based on both income weights say he makes $100K and you make $25K he would pay 75% of daycare b/c he makes 75% of the combined income.
The children are old enough that he will get parenting time and overnights but then again he's going to learn quick that he has to do it all for the parenting time he has or he will just waive his rights to visitation and just pay CS and be done w/ it all.
Bottom line.
See and retain your own lawyer.
Do not set up visitation or cs on your own wait for a court to decide what is equitable and fair you don't want to accidently give up rights that you didn't know you had b/c you wanted to be "nice"
It's big girl panties time b/c this is just going to get harder. You need to advocate for yourself and your children's best situation post divorce. You don't have to be nice or look out for his interests b/c he will not be looking out for yours.