WWYD?

Mrs.Guz · November 2011

So our neighbor lost his job a couple weeks ago, and I've been doing everything I can to help them out, including picking up their bratty daughter from school and keeping her for a couple hours until her parents get home. She's mean to Abigail even though Abigail adores her, and last time all she wanted to do was go to the playground in our neighborhood and me push her on the swing for over an hour. Which was fine, I guess, but DH was home so he was able to stay with Abigail during her nap. Anyway, they asked me to pick her up the next couple days and keep her until her mom gets home from work (at least 3 hours!) DH isn't home tomorrow and I would have to pick her up right in the middle of Abigail's nap time, which means no nap for Abigail, which is no big deal really, I just treasure those naps. Friday, DH is going to be home, but we have plans for a family day.

I hate to say no because I know having to pay for childcare is an expense they don't really want to spend right now, and also, what if I ever need the favor returned? BUT...I just really not in the mindset to keep her for two days in a row! She is a BRAT! So, wwyd?

Also, to add, I've learned I need to distance myself from the particular neighbor for awhile because she makes me feel bad about myself for being a SAHM...like I do absolutely nothing all day except sit my butt and watch soap operas.

michelle.kaler@gmail.com · November 2011

If the husband is out of work why can't he do it? Personally I would say no. You have your life and obligations. You can't be expected to drop it all for her family. And it's not as if you haven't helped. It could also drive home the point that as a sahm you do have things to do besides sit on the couch.

frlcb · November 2011

What is the dad doing that he can't watch the daughter? Interviewing? I would just say that you can't do it if it is me, but I have no patience for bratty children!

Mrs.Guz · November 2011

Yeah, he's been interviewing, and then going out of town for some networking meetings. And that's what I was thinking, that it will show that I do have stuff going on even though I don't work outside the home.

seansgirl2006 · November 2011

I immediately thought the same thing- why can't the dad do it? I can see if he had interviews or was out job hunting but I'm wondering if that's the case for all of these days? Making your child miss their nap is a big deal, IMO. I'm big on sleep though and don't like to miss naps, especially for something like that. I can understand helping them out but if they're not treating you nicely about you being a SAHM then I would be less inclined to help. Don't let them take advantage of you if you feel that they are. It sounds like you're saying that they think they can keep asking you because you have nothing else to do. Which is ridiculous, of course.

slwprincess · November 2011

Ummm no. If you already know this is a toxic relationship, then I don't see much point in continuing this nonsense. I mean, obviously, you're neighbors and need to preserve your relationship somewhat, but you certainly don't have to rearrange your schedules to accomodate them. Just say I'm sorry, I've got plans and I'm not available.

cookielady · November 2011

Same as others... I wouldn't do it. If she is in a Cobb school, does the school have an ASP (after school program)? Those are typically open from after school until 6 and are really a good price compared to normal daycare. If you are really feeling guilty, you can offer one of the days, but I wouldn't interrupt nap time or family day. Those are too important, especially with as much as your DH travels.

Mrs.Guz · November 2011

Thanks y'all! I was feeling bad about wanting to say no, but you guys are right.

ebearwife · November 2011

Once or twice for an hour or two for a real dress up business interview is a favor. Every stinking day for hours on end to "job hunt" or "network" is taking advantage. Boy, I wish someone would take both my kids so I could do stuff in peace and quiet for a few hours a day. Neighbor needs to man up and get his stuff done AND be a parent. Dealing with his bratty kid all day long might be the kick in the pants he needs to get back to work ASAP. He can teach a school age kid to play quietly or behave while he is on the phone or computer. And besides that I would just be honest with your neighbor and tell them that their daughter does not behave and does not make an effort to get along with Abigail and it makes you feel uncomfortable to keep her for that reason. If it were me, and P or Isaac was not behaving for a neighbor or sitter I would want to know and I would want to correct.

As for the next 2 days, just say no and give yourself a guilt-free break. If they ever say no to you in the future, then I would make "no" my policy with those people unless someone was dying or on fire.

scarlet115 · November 2011

I agree- it sounds like they are starting to take advantage of your generosity. It would be different if she was a perfect angel and everyone had fun- but the fact that the little girl is rude- just makes it worse. I would say something like- "you know I would help if I could, but I am just unable to these days. I'm sure you'll be able to find another friend or family member to help out."

Melliebugs · November 2011

Personally I don't think it matters if the little girl is a brat or not. You are being taken advantage. I wouldn't tell them what you have planned it is non of their business. I would just tell her you are sorry you can't help this time.

MLvK · November 2011

ebearwife:
Once or twice for an hour or two for a real dress up business interview is a favor. Every stinking day for hours on end to "job hunt" or "network" is taking advantage.

I rarely agree with Martha, but... this.

coffeekitten · November 2011

I agree with everyone, especially if she is making you feel bad about your own life and because it is hard on Abigail.

californiafrog7905 · November 2011

slwprincess:
Ummm no. If you already know this is a toxic relationship, then I don't see much point in continuing this nonsense. I mean, obviously, you're neighbors and need to preserve your relationship somewhat, but you certainly don't have to rearrange your schedules to accomodate them. Just say I'm sorry, I've got plans and I'm not available.

Yup, this. Especially if somehow they're insinuating that as a SAHM you don't "do" anything all day. Ridiculous!!! You'll feel so proud of yourself that you're standing up for your needs and Abigail's (which just burns me up that some other kid is mean to her; I'm sure there's a reason that kid can't behave but doesn't mean your sweet girl should have to put up with her if you don't want her to). Go get 'em!

Mrs.Guz · November 2011

I told them I couldn't do it this time because "we have a lot going on the next couple days", but I'll do my best to help them out next time. The husband responded saying that's ok, he understands its not easy whenever they ask, but they appreciate all that I do. So I feel a little bad, but not bad enough to keep the little brat. :op I do have my car in the garage today though, so they don't know I'm home...you know if I'm home, I'm not doing anything... :op

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