Regarding Christmas... tell me if I'm being a B

Re: Regarding Christmas... tell me if I'm being a B

• SoonToBeMsP member

  November 2011

  I think it's a little weird that he doesn't want to buy off your list. That just makes his life easier! Or maybe he is trying to throw you a curve ball to make you think you're not getting anything from it...

  I am the type of person that I like to shop off a list because then I'll know they like the gift. Sure, if I see something else they'd like I'll pick it up in addition, but I try and stick with definite winners, if that makes sense. So to me, you're not asking too much. 

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• LaurdaJean

  November 2011

  I don't think you are. The one year my sister didn't tell her husband something specific she wanted for Christmas, she ended up with every $10 hot sauce gift set walmart had. Men can be clueless sometimes.

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• kcvasquez member

  November 2011

  Most people love it when people give them lists! It takes the stress out of wondering if you will like their gifts. I would maybe mention that it will still be a surprise because you have a list of things and maybe tell him that it would mean a lot to you if you were to get some of those items? That's a hard one because DH pretty much takes me shopping buys it then wraps it, so while I always know what I am getting I am okay because it's stuff I'll use! I don't like surprises either...

  And no I do not see this as being controlling! These are the only times you're supposed to get the gifts you want! 

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• MAMAxB member

  November 2011

  niccimax:

  Ha!  This makes me laugh because my husband is a crap present buyer.  He got me a kettle last year (which granted I wanted) but that was it.  He did however go out and buy 4 gifts (for the "family") that he wrapped and put under the tree... and proceeded to open himself (no joke!) 

  I do honestly hate when people give me lists for Christmas; it should be the spirit of the season not a shopping list.  That said it sounds like your husband needs a little guidance, but it also sounds like he is more into the spirit of giving rather than ticking items off a list.  You can't fault him for that.

  You are in a no win situation.  Maybe ask him for your xmas present(s) to be the surprise but you would really like him to pick off your list for your birthday present(s).

   

   

  
  

  That last part could maybe work.. Thanks Nicole!

  
  

  evelyn 4.2010 | will 1.2012 | baby BOY due 12.2014
  

  pregnant and/or breastfeeding since 2009.

  
  

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• summer1117 member

  November 2011

  I feel the same exact way about surprises/wasting $ so I have a birthday/christmas list too (they are about a month apart).  I put nursing tanks on there and was thinking of adding a sewing machine : )  We aren't kids anymore so I don't really think the whole surprise element is that important with presents when you have a limited budget and need things.  Your dh could always add one or two small presents that are surprises that he thinks you would like as a compromise. 

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• ChefMomAmy

  November 2011

  I think you're being reasonable, not a B...I'm the exact same way.  I hate when people disregard my list, because they usually get stuff that's totally NMS, and I am so paranoid that a flash of disappointment will show on my face when I first open it, even though I always pretend to love whatever it is, and I say thank you and am grateful that they got me anything at all.

  

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• charmane23

  November 2011

  I can kind of see why he'd feel that buying off the list ruins the surprise...and it probably would take some of the fun out of it (for him). I'm the same as you though. I prefer to give some options, or straight out tell my husband what I want b/c 1.) he doesn't really have time to spend on thinking of and going to get me a surprise gift, and 2.) like someone else said, it makes things easier for him if I just tell him what to get. One thing I hate about Christmas is that he and his family never made it a big deal so most every year he will tell me just to order myself something from him or something like that. I am not very good at receiving gifts (I never really know who to react...even if I love something) so I usually dont make a bid deal out of it...but having to order myself something just takes EVERYTHING out of it so for the past couple years, I've just skipped giving myself anything for my birthday or Christmas. I know exactly what I want this year...and it is something that I only want - definitely not something that I need, so I'll tell him exactly what it is and where to get it.

  

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• SassyPants150 member

  November 2011

  Gifting is such a sore subject in our household!  First off, I don't spend very much money on myself period.  My Christmas list things that I won't buy myself.  I'm not a shopper...I buy things when I need them.  I LOVE getting New York and Company gift cards because I hate shopping but I do need a few new clothes once a year.  I also love some of the more expensive cookbooks like Taste of Home Winning Recipes.  MH family has a gifting obsession...but yet they take up lists and then I don't get things on the list.  Last year I got a hand held video camera (used it once...it doesn't have a light or zoom so unless you are filming in day light it doesn't work very well...I'm pretty sure my iphone takes better videos) and stationary...which I love but don't use often.

  DH and I don't really even gift anymore...we started going out to a nice dinner instead of buy each other stuff that we don't really need/want. 

  I would explain the reasoning behind your lists.  I hate feeling like money is just "wasted" on gifts...I also like the suggestion from the PP about one "surprise" gift and the list. Hope you can come to a happy medium!   
  

  
  

  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• NiniJ55 member

  November 2011

  $100 worth of board games -- wtf??

   

  DH and I each always make a list.  I don't get everything on my list -- but it's so he has a variety to choose from.  I see no issues with that -and we do it every year. Is this your first year making this list?  It's it not something you normally do - maybe that's why he has issues with it?

  

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• Tracilaroo

  November 2011

  I make a list every year. Why should you have to be surprised? And wouldn't you be surprised if you got a sewing machine? Who wants another set of lotions and body washes when you actually have something on a list you need? Seems silly that he thinks you shouldn't get things off your list. I would always want to get someone something they want/need vs. something I just think they would like.  

  

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• namara5532 member

  November 2011

  I always either use lists or outright tell people a few items I would like for Christmas/Birthday.  I find that when I don't give a few suggestions, I don't end up getting very much that I actually wanted.  In fact, because my birthday is a month after January, I often had a list for my birthday to ask for the things I wanted for Christmas that I still wanted by that point.

  That said, I've made a point to keep my wish list short as I got older.  Aside from not wanting as much, it gave people the chance to get me something different without making them feel constrained by the list.  Plus it keeps the surprise of not really knowing what I'm getting.  If I don't get something I really wanted, I give it to myself (although I don't go so far as to wrap it for myself).

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• Thinkerbelle80 member

  November 2011

  I would be so upset if my husband refused to buy me something from my list.  If it was anyone else, that's fine.  But, my husband and I share a bank account.  Don't waste that damn money on crap I don't want or need.  I also hate surprises and get kind of disappointed when you tell someone close to you what you want and they buy you something random.  I'd say one in every fifty surprise gifts is something I actually feel excited about or like a lot.  I would ask him to please please pick a few important things from the list and then he can add in a thoughtful surprise gift as well.  That way he can feel like he did his part to think of a special gift for you but it's not your entire gift and you're still getting the things you need.  

  
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• Thinkerbelle80 member

  November 2011

  LaurdaJean:

  I don't think you are. The one year my sister didn't tell her husband something specific she wanted for Christmas, she ended up with every $10 hot sauce gift set walmart had. Men can be clueless sometimes.

   

  wow.  What the hell?  HOw could one person even ever use up all that hot sauce?  That is the worst gift ever.   

  
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