Not sure if I want him there...

LaLuz01 · October 2011

I know all of the hormone changes are making me feel this way and I don't even want to think this way but I am not sure that I want DH to come with me to my u/s appointment next week.

I know that he wants to go but I feel like he is not really into it.He is extremely excited about the LO, reading all of these books and giving me new information all the time. It's just that when he goes to the DR. office with me he always does something else, he never ask questions when we are there, he will read the paper, or look at some thing on his phone.This drives me crazy so I told him about after our last appointment and he told me that he would be more attentive. I think I will be more relaxed if he didn't show up but I don't want to make him feel bad because he is excited to be there with me.

WhitneyZ11 · October 2011

I don't know if I would ask him not to go, lots of men don't ask questions at the doctors appointments, seeing as it's a womens doctor I think they figure the women will know all the questions to ask.

Since you spoke with him about how he was acting at the previous appointment, and he said he would try to be more attentive it would be kind of unfair not to let him go, after all he's excited about it and he deserves to see his baby too. Just my thoughts.

charmschool · October 2011

He probably just feels awkward talking to the doctor a lot and just wants to let you ask all the questions. My husband never asks questions, he leaves that to me. But he does want to be there and hear first hand what the doctor has to say, and he would be DEVASTATED if he missed an ultrasound. Definitely let him come if you are going to get an ultrasound. It sounds like he has been really involved and interested in your pregnancy so I think it would be unfair to not let him see the baby with you. He probably just feels weird at the doctor.

kiarstin · October 2011

So because he doesn't do exactly what you want you would rather him just not be a part of it at all? That makes no sense to me. He is excited and going to appointment (mind you many men don't) you are lucky. He probably doesn't ask questions b/c he doesn't have any and he doesn't really need to pay attention b/c well you are. Be thankful you have a supportive husband that is happy you are pregnant and don't nag about trivial things!

Liz.Haugen · October 2011

You are just being hormonal. You will regret it forever if you don't let him come to your ultrasound appointment. For my husband that is what made everything feel real... the fact that he cares enough to look up information all the time at home means that he is excited. A lot of men are intimated in a doctor's office -- it's normal... but to deprive him of the first moment to see his child is just unfair.

marielovestimothy03 · October 2011

Let your husband come! This is my 3rd pregnancy and my DH has been at almost every single one of my appointments and ultrasounds with my past two kiddos. I think he's asked maybe three questions total. He just enjoys the experience and lets the doctor & I do the talking. I agree with the pp you'll regret not having him there and imagine how he'd feel if you told him you didn't want him to see the ultrasound? Ouch!

AnaJourney · October 2011

kiarstin:
So because he doesn't do exactly what you want you would rather him just not be a part of it at all? That makes no sense to me. He is excited and going to appointment (mind you many men don't) you are lucky. He probably doesn't ask questions b/c he doesn't have any and he doesn't really need to pay attention b/c well you are. Be thankful you have a supportive husband that is happy you are pregnant and don't nag about trivial things!

this.

Christina_Diane · October 2011

Let him go and get over it. This is your time to see the baby. Why deny him that because he doesn't act exactly the way you want him to? You will regret not letting him go, and he may resent you for it. He might even lose interest if you do this. Parenting is a partnership; not a one way street.

mrs+harlow · October 2011

Uh so because he isn't having the same reaction at a doctor you prefer him not to go at all? Sorry that sounds really immature. Men have different responses to situations than women do. They tend to not ask questions at a general doctor and now you expect him to ask a million questions at a OBGYN which is completely foreign territory to a man? Did you ever stop to think that maybe he's just a little uncomfortable ...I mean how comfortable would you be at a testicular doctor or proctologist? My husband doesn't ask questions at the OB either- and i would never expect him to. Leave him be and be grateful he's so engaged about the pregnancy at home. Sheesh.

nicolediguiseppi · October 2011

I would NEVER deny my husband the joy of seeing our little bundle of joy on that monitor! My husband is more excited about this pregnancy than I am. He is fearless, he doesn't read any baby books, and I love the awkward look he gets on his face when we even talk about him having to sit in the obgyn's office. This doctor is the only other person that is allowed to see me with my pants off other than my husband!

What is it you want from your husband? For him to act just like you? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. he is not the one who is pregnant, you are. He is not a woman who asks 10000 questions, that's your job. He will be the one holding your hand and kissing your cheeks when you are delivering his child. You have your position in the relationship, and he has his.

mamalongarms · October 2011

He really needs to be there.

With my DH I just told him to try to ask 1 question, even if its totally random. His question at the first appointment was about foods to help nausea even though I had already answered it the same way the doctor did.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · October 2011

I think you should definitely have him join you for your appointment. Men find Ob/gyn appointments to be very awkward. Think about it in reverse, if you were him. Would you want some person you don't even know looking at your wife's genitals? So, it's easier for him to deal with his uncomfortability by distracting himself until you get to the part of the appointment that he is more interested/comfortable with...seeing the little bean on the monitor or listening to the heartbeat.

Other than that, there aren't really any questions for him to ask, since you're the one that's pregnant.

Also, I always want my DH or someone else with me just in case anything goes wrong during the appointment, as morbid as that sounds.

appylovee · October 2011

I didn't take my s/o to my last u/s and I'm not taking him to the one I'm having this week. I'va actually been taking my best friend. We had a very rocky start to this pregnancy, thinking we were miscarrying, and until we know the baby is safe, I'm just not comfortable going to the u/s with him. He is the type who tells me to get over things and forget about them.. Not exactly what I need if something happens to this baby. My best friend is a better support system for me right now, that is why I take her and not my s/o. He is excited about the baby, but when I told him we thought we were miscarrying he told me to get over it, we will try again. So that is why I think it is exceptable to not take my s/o.

I know everyones situatuion is different, and I feel if you aren't comfortable with him going to this one, don't take him, but if he really wants to go, take him. Guys handle things differently then us.

mrs+harlow · October 2011

appylovee:
I didn't take my s/o to my last u/s and I'm not taking him to the one I'm having this week. I'va actually been taking my best friend. We had a very rocky start to this pregnancy, thinking we were miscarrying, and until we know the baby is safe, I'm just not comfortable going to the u/s with him. He is the type who tells me to get over things and forget about them.. Not exactly what I need if something happens to this baby. My best friend is a better support system for me right now, that is why I take her and not my s/o. He is excited about the baby, but when I told him we thought we were miscarrying he told me to get over it, we will try again. So that is why I think it is exceptable to not take my s/o.

I know everyones situatuion is different, and I feel if you aren't comfortable with him going to this one, don't take him, but if he really wants to go, take him. Guys handle things differently then us.

Try again? Why would you try again with a male that acts in such a way and who you don't even want going to appointments with you?

jgal84 · October 2011

This is ridiculous. It's his baby, too. If he wants to go, he should go. You really want to ban him from your appt because he isn't acting the way you want him too? I would just be happy that he wanted to go. Heck, my DH didn't even read the 1 book I gave him! Sounds like your DH is doing a great job of being supportive during your pregnancy. Cut him some slack.

heather_09_15_07 · October 2011

appylovee:

I didn't take my s/o to my last u/s and I'm not taking him to the one I'm having this week. I'va actually been taking my best friend. We had a very rocky start to this pregnancy, thinking we were miscarrying, and until we know the baby is safe, I'm just not comfortable going to the u/s with him. He is the type who tells me to get over things and forget about them.. Not exactly what I need if something happens to this baby. My best friend is a better support system for me right now, that is why I take her and not my s/o. He is excited about the baby, but when I told him we thought we were miscarrying he told me to get over it, we will try again. So that is why I think it is exceptable to not take my s/o.

I know everyones situatuion is different, and I feel if you aren't comfortable with him going to this one, don't take him, but if he really wants to go, take him. Guys handle things differently then us.

Your boyfriend is a douchebag.

DSU98 · October 2011

Just sounds like a typical guy to me. My DH will discuss stuff with me but at the OB it like freaks him out.

JocelynElizabeth · October 2011

You are lucky he goes with you in the first place. He is being a part of it wothout you dragging him along. Most guys are very uncomfortable at our dr appointments, they are fish out of water! And he probably figures this is your thing, and what would he ask? You are the one experiencing everyihtng, and he probably figures if there is a question to be asked you would ask it. Dont read to much into his behavior. He is supporting you and being there, if you ask him not to go you may give him the impression you dont want him to be a part of things like that. Which in turn will have to opposite effect of what you want! You will push him farther out of it. While you are there try including him in the conversations, like if you tell your dr something say, " i have been feeling very tire... right honey? " and look at him so he knows you want him to have an open line of communication while you are there. Good luck and enjoy your appointment!!!

winter-shock · October 2011

Be thankful. My DH comes and doesn't shut up, it drives me nuts. My doctor and him end up having conversations about things that are totally unrelated and then my doc ends up being distracted.

He might just be a bit uncomfortable in the Dr. office. If you don't let him go to the u/s i think you will regret it. It was the most incredible thing for my DH to see baby for the first time.

appylovee · October 2011

heather_09_15_07:
appylovee:

I didn't take my s/o to my last u/s and I'm not taking him to the one I'm having this week. I'va actually been taking my best friend. We had a very rocky start to this pregnancy, thinking we were miscarrying, and until we know the baby is safe, I'm just not comfortable going to the u/s with him. He is the type who tells me to get over things and forget about them.. Not exactly what I need if something happens to this baby. My best friend is a better support system for me right now, that is why I take her and not my s/o. He is excited about the baby, but when I told him we thought we were miscarrying he told me to get over it, we will try again. So that is why I think it is exceptable to not take my s/o.

I know everyones situatuion is different, and I feel if you aren't comfortable with him going to this one, don't take him, but if he really wants to go, take him. Guys handle things differently then us.

Your boyfriend is a douchebag.

I agree. It's like we found out I was pregnant and he suddenly turned into the biggest douchebag around. He says it's my hormones, Everyone around me says it's he's just a *** that needs a reality check. It was probably a warning sign I sohuld have listened to, when my beagle mix passed away from lymphoma and leukemia at 9 years old on july 1, 2011 and he told me it was just a dog, and to get over it.

kaytiroo · October 2011

He might just be nervous. Take it from me. If he wants to be there... don't take it for granted. Not everyone has that.

Netty_3 · October 2011

I would say I am blessed with a fabulous husband...that being said, he also has the mentality of a 7 year old in that he does not want to go to any appointment that doesn't include pictures (ultrasound). He went to one that didn't and begged out of the rest.

Let him go, maybe he'll get bored of the standard pee, weigh, measure, BP taking and opt out on his own.

Angganathan · November 2011

I think you should let him be there, most men are different they dont go around and ask doctors question like us. I know when he was so sick and want me to go to the doctor with him, he was just quiet and silent, I'm the one who asked questions.

I think you should be happy that he is excited and willing to go with you. DH doesnt even want to go to our 1st appointment, he thinks its not necessary, and I wish that he is more excited about it. But I think he is in denial and scare to death that things might happens in between right now and the appointment. DH mother have a history of misscarriage. Sorry for the TMI, but I think you should be grateful and not take your DH for granted.

kittykat0401 · November 2011

My husband would be utterly devastated if I told him that I didn't want him at my appointment!!!!! He has come to every single appointment, except 1 (He is Active Duty Navy and was called away at the last moment) and he hated missing it. I know that he is uncomfortable if the doc has to give me a vaginal exam (I mean, how could he not be uncomfortable with another man putting his hands there?!), but he never complains. He loves hearing our daughter's heartbeat and/or seeing her moving around on the screen. He rarely asks questions, so if I know he has some, I try to involve him in the appointment by asking his opinion. Don't deny your husband the opportunity to see his baby - it would be wrong - especially since it sounds like he loves you and the baby very much and is super excited to become a father!!!

amyjo0518 · November 2011

I'm with the majority on this one. If he is willing to go then you shouldn't deny him that. Although most men claim they are experts on women, when it comes to pregnancy, most men are overwhelmed by all that is involved and the changes our bodies go through. Be thankful that he wants to be there and know that he is doing the best his male brain will allow

Que*Syrah · November 2011

winter-shock:
Be thankful. My DH comes and doesn't shut up, it drives me nuts. My doctor and him end up having conversations about things that are totally unrelated and then my doc ends up being distracted.
He might just be a bit uncomfortable in the Dr. office. If you don't let him go to the u/s i think you will regret it. It was the most incredible thing for my DH to see baby for the first time.

Exactly!! I kept telling DH, "you know you don't have to go to every appointment, right?" LOL.

Besides, telling your husband he can't be there the first time you see your baby is downright cruel. I can't even fathom what would make me so upset that I would say that to DH.

Not all men are comfortable at the OB office and that's just fine.

Justinlove · November 2011

I am really going to try not to be snarky, but I have a feeling that if your husband didn't want to go, you'd be on here posting your woes about how inattentive he is.

Some women are just never happy.

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