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When to tell family....

ktscr13ktscr13 member
in 1st Trimester

MY DH and I have been debating when we should tell our families that we are expecting. I might be overly paranoid, but my sister has had 3 miscarriages (she had my niece, then a miscarriage, my other niece and since then has had 2 miscarriages in the past 9 months or so). She and my BIL are going to see a genetic counselor because she doesn't have any problems getting pregnant, but she can't keep the baby. Her last miscarriage was at 8 wks. So I am nervous that I could be more prone to miscarriages too, I know everyone is different but if she's had such a hard time isn't it possible that I will as well??

 And on top of that, my brother called me on Monday saying my SIL was 12wks pregnant! I was very excited for them, but my mom also said it was tough on my sister. So my dilema is I dont know when to tell everyone???? On the one hand I'd love to tell everyone in person at Thanksgiving, but I also don't want to over shadow my brother & SIL's news. Plus I know it will be really hard on my sister knowing that we are both pregnant, especially since her most recent miscarriage was the last week in September...I know she would have been so excited to have all 3 of us pregnant at once....any suggestions on how long DH & I should tell family???

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Re: When to tell family....

  • lpichachlpichach member
    Sounds like a lot going on and a lot of senstitivity should be had. At the same time, your joyous event shouldn't be harpened by others.  I would strongly recommend waiting until you're at least into your second trimester and the risk of MC drops greatly! Maybe you could do a little "new years surprise"!  Everyone will be in good spirits
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  • ipookie8ipookie8

    Personally, besides DH being the 1st call I made when I peed on the stick and got 2 pink lines... I called mom immediately. But we're very close. I can't imagine not telling everyone right away, but that's just how my family is. I think everything happens for a reason and if you got pregnant, you should be excited and everyone will be excited for you. It's up to you to decide if you feel like it is too soon or not.

    My SIL desperately wants to have children, but my brother is holding off on it b/c of his work for a few months. She was a little jealous as first and even admitted it to me but she didn't let it change anything. She got over it and now everything is better than ever. She is very happy for me and very supportive.

    I think you need to do what you feel is best. Be sensitive to your sister, maybe tell her 1st through an email or letter so she can process it and it won't be a big shock when you make an announcement at Thanksgiving. You want to let her have time to get used to it and get over any feelings she has lingering and to then be happy for you. I'm sure she will be :) Good luck!

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  • AngganathanAngganathan

    My first doctors appointment is not until 12/14, and I'm 4 weeks pregnant, DH and I agree on telling the family on Christmas probably right on Dec 24th, merely because I will be approximately 10 weeks along and it will be christmas gift for the family, DH and I are also planning on letting everyone know after we hit the 12 weeks mark. I think some people said that up until 12 weeks is the most crucial part.

    I did however told 2 of my closest friends that I'm 4 weeks pregnant, because one of them is out of state and the other one is having her baby on December (to get her advise on what to expect etc.) 

    But it is more of your call, whenever you feel right, that's when you should tell your family. 

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  • katmacwvkatmacwv member
    It is up to you how long you should wait, but if it were me and my sister was struggling with fertility issues, I wouldn't want to do a big family announcement at Thanksgiving.  I would prefer to tell family members privately and ask them not to make a big deal in front of your sister until she's had time to kind of deal with your news on her own.  I know when one of my best friends called to say that she was pregnant shortly after my m/s, I sat in my office and cried.  I was happy for her, but I still took it hard.  I needed time to deal with the news before I could really express to her that I was happy for her.
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  • ktscr13ktscr13 member

    Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I definitely agree that this needs to be handled with some sensitivity around my sister. My first appointment is scheduled for after Thanksgiving (Nov. 30th) so I think we will at least wait until then, maybe even try to get closer to Christmas before telling everyone. It definitely would be better for my sister if it is not a big announcement and I tell her separately so she has time to process it. I know that she'll be upset initially but then she will be very excited. I'll just keep my fingers crossed that she is able to get pregnant soon so we can still enjoy the experience together :-)

     It is so hard to keep a secret when you are so excited about it!!

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