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CallMeKel
member
Is anyone going to have ONLY 1 child?
CallMeKel
member
I have to be honest....I always assumed I'd have at least 2 or 3, but I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of only 1 kid. I go back and forth on the subject. My main hesitation is that I don't want K to have ever felt like she missed out on the joys of having a sibling. But honestly, I was never close with my sister growing up....we fought like cats & dogs.
Anyone else considering only 1?
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Re: Is anyone going to have ONLY 1 child?
I was going back and forth about it when I got pg. with Hannah. As much as I long for the simpler days of only having one, I wouldn't change things for the world.
There are so many pros and cons both ways. Of course not all siblings will be close, so if the couple considers all other factors, and giving their child a sibling is the only reason they would have another child, I personally don't think that's enough reason. Some may disagree with me on that. But having 2 children is a much different dynamic. And for me, it is more difficult than just having one. (Just yesterday at the park, Sam had an accident and there was no bathroom, and I had to wrangle Hannah and keep her from running off while I was packing our stuff and trying to get Sam back to the truck to change him--it was a huge cluster-F.)
ETA: I didn't mean to suggest above that having only one child is easy at all. I just meant, for me personally, back when it was just Sam, it was hard in itself, but it's much more difficult for me now with two.
I think everyone knows I am only having one. We know that we can feed, clothe and educate one, two is a whole different story. I am the youngest of 6 and am only close to one sibling....and that just happened about 5 years ago! One is the right number for us and that's what we are sticking with.
I do agree with Nanner that having another child just for sibling purposes is not enough reason for me. I have several friends who were only children and they have no complaints!
We had decided that one was enough... God had different plans...
I know you didn't plan it this way, but in my mind you're a rock star for having them so close together.
i want to start by saying that i don't think there is anything wrong with only children. i have at least 2 close friends that were onlies and are wonderful, well-adjusted, loving adults. i had a college roommate who was an only and, well, she definitely fit all the stereotypes. ;-) but it's a personal decision and we all need to do what is right for our own families.
but as you weigh it out, here is my experience:
i was an only child until i was 11 years old. i come from a huge family, being the 2nd oldest of 26 1st cousins. despite that and the total focus of all the attention of my mother and grandmother, i always longed for siblings. times like christmas morning always seemed so solitary to me not having other kids at home to share it with. even when my friends would fight like cats & dogs with their sibs, i would be jealous- never mind the raucuos birthday parties and family gatherings. when my brother was born, i was so much older that i was more of a mini-mom than a sister. this had many pros but it never erased the sadness of being an only child for me.
now that i am 36 (gah) and he is 25, we are very close. it really cements for me the desire to have multiple kids (and of course we are on that route already). we may not have gotten along as young ones, but i know we would have been close sooner had we been closer together in age. plus, having siblings is how i get nieces and nephews as well. (my 1/2 sister is 10 years younger than me. we barely talk, but i still enjoy keeping up with her 2 kids and spoiling them when i can).
again, i completely acknowledge that it;s up to each family, but i would never want to have my kids feel like i did....
We go back and forth about this. I always wanted to have 2 kids very close together. Well, now I definitely don't feel like I'm ready to start trying for a second baby. Rena keeps me very busy and I just couldn't imagine having another baby right now. But I know that eventually I want another baby. My sister and I weren't super close growing up, but now we are best friends. I couldn't imagine my life without her.
DH is perfectly fine with one baby and doesn't want another one (at least not anytime soon). He has 3 younger sisters and is not close to them at all. So he doesn't want another one just so Rena can have a sibling. And he also thinks it will be too expensive. Like mags said, we know we can raise one and do a good job, put her through college, etc. I agree with him about that. But somehow I think we'll probably have another one, but maybe not for another 3-4 years.
Ditto this entirely.
No, I couldn't imagine having only 1 child. Granted 2 will be a heck of a lot of work since we both work full time and have no family in TX, but it's what we want and we will make it work, even if that involves some major changes. We'd probably have 3 or 4 if careers weren't an issue!
I think having a sibling teaches children so much about life, sharing, compromise and trust. It gives them an outlet to play/fight with at all times (assuming fairly close in age). I just can't imagine not having siblings, and I think that definitely plays into our decision. I know some worry about being able to give the attention/love to another child....I think your heart grows with each one of them!
FInally, on a sad note, my brother died of Luekemia at the age of 14. My mom has already told my sister and I that had he been her only child she doesn't know how she could have moved on with her life. Losing a child is the worst thing anyone will ever go through; worse than losing a spouse. She knew she had two girls to get up to every morning, and that's what got her out of bed. She couldn't sit around crying/mourning because we needed her, and her new focus on life needed to be around us, not our brother who had been the main focus for his 5 year cancer battle. My mom is a superhero
.
This all being said, I fully respect others decisions to have only 1 child...just not for me, and even if biologically we could not have one - we'd find a way to adopt.
I am so sorry about your brother. I cannot imagine how hard that was/is on your family.
exactly how i feel about maddy... plus, i am really enjoying her and the dynamic we have as a family... though i'm sure it would be different, but still great, i am not sure how another baby would change that...
What a well-written, touching post, Erika. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.
I agree with this. For sure, your 1st born will get less of your attention and time when you have a 2nd. But the beautiful thing is that as they get older, your 2nd can help fill that gap for your 1st. I do miss the one-on-one days with Sam, and I had a hard time with the underlying feeling that I had somehow messed up my relationship with him by having another baby. (Many a time I started thinking "What have I done??") But in the last few months his relationship with Hannah has really started to blossom, and it's so amazing to see. And all of my doubts and feelings of guilt are gone.
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thank you for this.....sometimes i wonder the same thing, and I cry to DH about it alot. Your post has made me feel a lot better about DS becoming a big Brother.
I heartily agree that the sibling relationship is a beautiful thing and it's amazing for me as a mom to watch it develop.
Erika, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. What a heartbreaking loss.
For us... I always wanted three... and now that I have one, I am really really happy with my one. I am hoping that when Joe is 3 I will want to start thinking about #2. But... if we do decide that one is enough... I am happy with the one I got.