Letting him cry...

amjo8286 · November 2011

DH and I had a disagreement last night about how long I should let DS "fuss". He's not spoiled (at least I don't think so). He's a really good baby, usually only cries when he's tired or hungry. When he starts getting fussy or irritable I either change his current activity or end up holding him for a while. I don't see anything wrong with this but DH believes this will make him spoiled and a "Mama's boy". Do you let your LO's cry sometimes?

jsong · November 2011

My husband and I had the same argument last night too! When LO fusses and cries, I pick him up and try to distract him. Husband on the other hand will just watch him cry a little longer than I feel is okay. And when I ask him to pick him up, he disagrees with me and thinks I should let him cry. Right now, I'm a SAHM and I do not let him just cry unless I'm in the middle of something like going to the bathroom or cooking. I will try to finish up quickly and tend to him. Husband also calls LO a mama's boy. To that, I say so what? He loves his mommy.

christyjane17 · November 2011

Just a guess from the mama's boy comment...DH may be a little envious of the bond you and DS share. Maybe designate a certain time of night for DH and him to connect. My DH does the majority of DSs bath. He gets him out and in his jammies and no matter how much I want to go in there when DS fusses, I don't. Then, when my DH gets him cozy and DS calms down, he feels like a rockstar!!

I realize this doesn't answer your question...but I hope it helps : )

rose1883 · November 2011

We have the same issue. DH almost always lets DD cry for juuust a little longer than I'd like her to. I guess because I'm with her all day I'm a little more in tune to what that cry means- feed me, change me, etc., so I feel like, "Hey dummy, that's a change me cry- do something about it." when I hear her cry unnecessarily. I used to fuss at DH but I realized through chatting with other moms that I'm not alone in this and that DH needs to have his own parenting style. If I leave him alone when she cries, he usually gets her about 10 seconds after I was prepared to say something to him.

mel1358 · November 2011

I do the same thing. I think there will come a time when I will probably let DD cry or fuss a little longer to let her figure it out on her own, but I don?t think we?re there yet. I still want her to feel like if she needs me I will be there. As corny as it sounds, I don?t want her to ever feel scared or not secure. I know I?ll need to let it go at some point, but right now, if she is upset in anyway, mom will be there!

amjo8286 · November 2011

All of these responses fit perfectly to my situation. DH does do most of the baths but sometimes I do worry he feels as if we have a closer bond. I'm a SAHM and he's been working more to compensate for that. But I know there will come a day when my little guy will run off with my big guy and leave me home alone. I'm enjoying it now.

clineak · November 2011

Sometimes I'll let DD cry, unless it's clear by her cry that she's hurt or upset. Not for any extended period of time, of course. I listen to her cry, and kind of go through a mental checklist--is she hungry? Is she wet? Is she upset? Is she hurt? Is she too hot/too cold? If the answer to all these questions is "no", then I think it's okay for her to cry for a couple of minutes. After all, crying is one of the only forms of exercise that LOs get!

cookierlr1 · November 2011

I get the same comment from DH in his jealous tone so I know when he says it that I need to back off and give them some time together. However yes we occasionally let LO cry. I don't during the day or when one of us is perfectly capable of taking care of him. But we did do CIO to get him into the crib last week and thankfully he only cried one night for 20 minutes. I guess we got lucky : /

jmo866 · November 2011

amjo8286:
DH and I had a disagreement last night about how long I should let DS "fuss". He's not spoiled (at least I don't think so). He's a really good baby, usually only cries when he's tired or hungry. When he starts getting fussy or irritable I either change his current activity or end up holding him for a while. I don't see anything wrong with this but DH believes this will make him spoiled and a "Mama's boy". Do you let your LO's cry sometimes?

I think we are married to the same man lol.. or, alot of men share this view. Either way, I am not about 'toughening' up my 3 month old, thank you very much, we will get there at the right time!

dairygirl19 · November 2011

If she's been fed, loved, changed and is just crying for the sake of it, yeah, I'll let her cry a bit.

Usually just long enough to check what's in the oven, finish unpacking the diswasher, put the last of the laundry away etc...then I'll go get her. Or if I'm in the shower she waits until I'm done.

panucci1314 · November 2011

Am I the only one who has the opposite DH? I don't let my Lo cry but if I know she is fed, changed n fine I will finish what I am doing. My Dh grabs her at the first peep she makes. She is going to be four monthes and truely plays games with him I think. She will not make a beep if I home and put her in the swing, she if Daddy is home she wont cry but let a few fusses out and he grabs her right away.

citychicks · November 2011

I used to let my first cry a little bit, but the more I've read with each child the worse I feel about it. I've been reading a lot of the punisment free parenting books recently and I really feel like they make more sense to me than leaving my baby/child to cry. Most of them are based on "The Golden Rule" (do unto others as you'd have them do unto you). If you were sad and lonely, would you want to be left to sit there and cry or would you want someone to comfort you? I don't think your child will end up broken one way or the other, but personally, I don't really feel that a child under the age of 5yrs should be just left to cry without at least an attempt to comfort them. (IMHO)

IrishEyes0530 · November 2011

jsong:
My husband and I had the same argument last night too! When LO fusses and cries, I pick him up and try to distract him. Husband on the other hand will just watch him cry a little longer than I feel is okay. And when I ask him to pick him up, he disagrees with me and thinks I should let him cry. Right now, I'm a SAHM and I do not let him just cry unless I'm in the middle of something like going to the bathroom or cooking. I will try to finish up quickly and tend to him. Husband also calls LO a mama's boy. To that, I say so what? He loves his mommy.

This exactly. I also get the mamas boy comment from my dad a lot! I just brush it off. DH has gotten better about it with time.

BabyBoyNYC · November 2011

if you really sit and think about it they are only babies for a year! ONE TINY LITTLE SUPER FAST YEAR! Im going to love, hold, kiss, cuddle, sleep with, and hug him all I want to! I feel like there is this pressure to make our babies mini adults and it makes me sad.

BabyBoyNYC · November 2011

also I forget where I read this but someone said there in a hormone in our bodies that makes us cringe when our babies cry

amjo8286 · November 2011

BabyBoyNYC:
also I forget where I read this but someone said there in a hormone in our bodies that makes us cringe when our babies cry

I believe that completely. Also, I feel the same. The first four months of his life have practically disappeared. I want to snuggle my baby boy as long as I can.

abbyfp2324 · November 2011

BabyBoyNYC:
if you really sit and think about it they are only babies for a year! ONE TINY LITTLE SUPER FAST YEAR! Im going to love, hold, kiss, cuddle, sleep with, and hug him all I want to! I feel like there is this pressure to make our babies mini adults and it makes me sad.

Yes

Snapdragon750 · November 2011

It's hard to be a baby! You can't tell anyone what you want; all you can do is fuss when you're unhappy! I understand letting a baby cry for sleep training, but what's the point of letting your baby fuss during playtime when you know you can fix it by giving him something different to do? I'm sure he would get up and walk to the next room if he could, but he can't, so he'll fuss until you help him instead. Help him!

rosegut · November 2011

christyjane17:

Just a guess from the mama's boy comment...DH may be a little envious of the bond you and DS share. Maybe designate a certain time of night for DH and him to connect. My DH does the majority of DSs bath. He gets him out and in his jammies and no matter how much I want to go in there when DS fusses, I don't. Then, when my DH gets him cozy and DS calms down, he feels like a rockstar!!

I realize this doesn't answer your question...but I hope it helps : )

all of this. Yes

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