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November 2011 Moms
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Feeling totally unloved :'(

duffmakerduffmaker member
in November 2011 Moms
So these past 2 weeks have been rough... I feel so lonely and unloved and crap and when I say anything to about it FI he is quiet and then will change the subject or something! We don't cuddle, we rarely kiss, rarely hug, we sleep like we're strangers, and sex has completely ditched out of my relationship :'( FI used to stroke my hair, neck, shoulder, arm back whatever was there while I was falling asleep and it was so nice... it's been like a month since he last did that and my skin is aching to be touched by him! Last night he got up to go the the bathroom, checked his computer and fell asleep on the couch while doing it? I could hear him snoring from the bedroom... about 2 hours later (disclaimer, he knew I was awake) when he came back in, I was all warm and fuzzy inside waiting for his arms to wrap around me... no he laid down and faced the opposite way! :'( :'( I spent last night feeling so alone and empty, even with DD kicking away inside my belly. To add to it all I have been horny ALL THE TIME!!! Every morning I wake up wanting to jump him and he shuts me down every time I say something to him or try to do something.... A few minutes ago he finally said that the baby was too big and it was freaking him out (okay valid point... for not having sex? Why then can't I just be horny and you lay back and enjoy it? You used to beg me for it all the time!?!) I just don't know what to do or how to feel lately, I think heart broken is a good one and maybe neglected, like a puppy in the cold...  just needed to share with someone. Thanks for listening :)
Proud babywearing, breastfeeding, vaccinating SAHM of 2U2!
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Re: Feeling totally unloved :'(

  • Amanda HarveyAmanda Harvey

    not that this an excuse for his acting like this, but a lot of times men shut down like this when they are stressed about something.  Is there a lot of stress at work or finances.  

    Make him a nice dinner  and have a talk with him about it. 

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  • Andrea Cohoon Andrea Cohoon member
    I agree with the pp, there might be more to his distance than you think.  I'd definitely sit down and talk to him immediately about how you are feeling and what you are thinking.  There is no better way to feel better and solve a conflict than open, honest communication.  Plus, with baby's arrival imminent, the sooner, the better.  You definitely don't want to go into labor when there is a gigantic elephant in the room.   Hugs!
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  • marissa01marissa01
    imageAmanda Harvey:

    not that this an excuse for his acting like this, but a lot of times men shut down like this when they are stressed about something.  Is there a lot of stress at work or finances.  

    Make him a nice dinner  and have a talk with him about it. 

    I agree with PP.  Or maybe he's just freaking out as you get closer and closer to your due date?  Either way, I think you should have a talk with him about it.  Just try to not get confrontational or super emotional, that could just make him shut down.  Good luck.

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  • authorofdreamzauthorofdreamz member
    I would just talk to him about it and tell him how you are feeling. Men are generally clueless and he probably has no idea what he is doing or that you are upset by it. He probably thinks since you are so pregnant and uncomfortable you'd rather not be touched and have your space.
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  • duffmakerduffmaker member
    Thanks guys! I'll try it.. see what happens. I know he's been stressed about bills and stuff but our communication hasn't seemed to suffer about anything besides this :( He's super excited for DD... keeps saying how much he can't wait for her to get here and how much he wants to just hold her and cuddle her. Damn I wish he felt like that with me haha
    Proud babywearing, breastfeeding, vaccinating SAHM of 2U2!
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  • sara622sara622 member
    My hubs can be very distant sometimes too.  Sorry you're going throug this at such a critical time.  I always feel neglected by him and sit there wishing he would cuddle me or whatever and then feel really sad when he doesn't.  I always try to tell myself....he can't read your mind!  So sometimes if I want a cuddle, I just reach over and take one!  lol  Usually if I initiate the cuddling and then say something like...it's been so long since we cuddled, I miss you...he'll get the hint.  In fact, sometimes he'll say  something like...I know, I thought you didn't like me anymore.  So I would definitely try to initiate the contact yourself because he may be feeling the same way and it's just become this weird thing you don't talk about.
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  • sweetpealeesweetpealee member
    imageAmanda Harvey:

    not that this an excuse for his acting like this, but a lot of times men shut down like this when they are stressed about something.  Is there a lot of stress at work or finances.  

    Make him a nice dinner  and have a talk with him about it. 

    my husband totally does this!  i usually do something silly or do something small and nice for him to snap him out of it....

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  • teaandsympathyteaandsympathy
    Ever since our birth class and they talked about the importance of 'skin to skin' with the baby, my husband and I have taken the philosophy and applied it to ourselves. Whenever one of us is feeling a little unloved or in need of some physical contact we just get really close to the other and say 'skin to skin! and the other gets the hint and we both get a giggle out of it. 
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  • littlebigmamalittlebigmama
    *Hugs*
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