From a straight ally -- I need your input please!

MidwestIrishBridea · November 2011

Hello everyone!

So I'll say upfront that I'm a straight female in a heterosexual relationship and I'm a big supporter and advocate for equal rights for the LGBTQ community. This is something that's very important to me.

I want to become a birth educator. I'd like to become certified in Bradley classes, become a certified Doula, and a lactation specialist, as well as someone who can help with holistic health advice for a person's home. I'm currently in the process of making that happen, first by self-education while pregnant, and then I'm going to begin taking my classes after my babe is born.

That being said.... I live in a pretty conservative environment. (Northern Indiana) But I KNOW there is still a good population in my area that consists of LGBT families, single parents, and parents of all sorts who are simply non-religious and I feel as though it's probably tough for them to get the prenatal, postnatal and holistic health services they'd like to receive without the looks and bias and such.

Once I can begin my services, I want to be the provider that will fully support and provide loving services to people of ALL walks of life. Whether you be conservative, liberal, religious, non-religious, straight, unwed, LGBT.....basically, just anybody, I want that person or couple to feel like my services will be full and open to their indivual needs.

So here's where you come in. (Sorry that took so long....) As members of the LGBT community, what do you look for in a service provider? This includes before you ever say hello to them, such as when you're browsing their website and materials, and when you interview them. What would catch your eye to make you think that you might be comfortable with someone? What indications are you searching for that would give you the confidence to call a doula, a CBE, a HHC, or whatever without first being fearful that they'd discriminate in some way?

In asking this, I'm not looking to "lure in" clients. Moreso, I want to be sensitive to communities that don't fit the majority that's where I live. I'm trying to learn what it is I can do, say, or offer upfront that would put someone's mind at ease or give them confidence in the kind of professional relationship I would offer them. Any sort of advice or input or personal testimony would be FANTASTIC.

Thank you so much!

LolaBelle515 · November 2011

Great questions:)

I'm not sure how helpful I am, but honestly, I think the biggest thing is word of mouth. I imagine others will have good suggestions for marketing, etc, when your time comes...but we found our OB through other gay friends who recommended her. Then, we recommended her to others, etc etc...if you run your practice as an open ally, word will spread. Thanks for being so proactive--it sure makes life easier on my end.

MidwestIrishBridea · November 2011

themommymonster:
Hi!

I am in Northern, IN as well. We live in the South Bend area and have family in the Michigan City/Valpo area and frequently visit there, too.

When I looked for an OB/GYN I really looked for a practice that was open to me and my family. I did not want to be somewhere that may judge or look down upon me and my partner. Even though I was the one who was pregnant, I wanted to be treated as equals.
I think it is important to use terminology like "spouse" or "partner" as opposed to assuming someone has a husband.

What?! Haha South Bend is where I live!!!!!!

mandykatie · November 2011

Hi! I grew up in NW IN, so I feel ya I have two pieces of advice. The first is to use gender neutral/GLBT positive language on your website and in your advertisements. It can be intimidating to call someone and have to ask, "Are you okay with my being gay?" Don't make us have to ask.

The second piece of advice is to keep up on the laws affecting our families. It's unfortunate how often we have to educate educators. I've pretty much embraced my job in this world as a teacher, but sometimes it gets old. I would be thrilled to work with someone who could tell me which hospitals are more welcoming, lawyers who are friendly, the process of second- parent adoptions, etc. Make yourself knowledgeable about the ways we create our families (lurk here!) and all the many issues and joys that come with!

I think the very first thing you can do is read the books that we read when beginning our TTC/Adoption adventures. Who's got the list? Mrs. F, where are you?

Good luck (and stick around)!

MidwestIrishBridea · November 2011

themommymonster:
MidwestIrishBride:
themommymonster:

Hi!

I am in Northern, IN as well. We live in the South Bend area and have family in the Michigan City/Valpo area and frequently visit there, too.

When I looked for an OB/GYN I really looked for a practice that was open to me and my family. I did not want to be somewhere that may judge or look down upon me and my partner. Even though I was the one who was pregnant, I wanted to be treated as equals.

I think it is important to use terminology like "spouse" or "partner" as opposed to assuming someone has a husband.

What?! Haha South Bend is where I live!!!!!!

That is awesome! I actually live between Elkhart and Mishawaka, but most people don't know where that is.

Cool! Guessing Osceola area? I live in South Side of So Bend but I work in Elkhart. That commute can suuuuuuck!

Thank you to EVERYONE who is offering input! Yes, I would love a book recommendation or two, and keeping up on the laws is an EXCELLENT idea and I'm going to begin looking at that. I admit, I only know surface level information when it comes to legal matters. Thank you all for the kind words and input!

cookiemonster03 · November 2011

I agree gender neutral language is important. Our RE's office also had a small section on their website for same-sex couples. If you can make all of your documents, materials, etc reference "partners" and such, I think it portrays a major message of openness.

Also, I think its interesting you included non-religious people as a group who may face bias in getting services (I am not religious, and have never even considered this being an issue, but live in the NYC metro). I'm not sure how you'd even word a statement about embracing all creeds etc, but its worth thinking about.

good luck!

hlke · November 2011

I think it is wonderful you are thinking about this from the outset.

This may sound a little weird, but I think it is important for a childbirth educator and lactation specialist to be cognizant of issues of gender identity and femininity/masculinity. Things I have read in the natural childbirth literature strongly emphasize childbirth as a natural continuation of your femininity/womanliness. It is emphasized to the point that I'm not sure my partner (who is a little butch, but not strongly butch-identified) can really relate to it. This same emphasis comes up a lot in breastfeeding literature too.

I honestly don't know what this type of sensitivity looks like in practice. I think the most important thing is to know that those metaphors might not work as well for some of your LGBT clients.

I think Stephanie Brill's lesbian pregnancy book has a lot of information on all the different ways LGBT families can be formed, including different options for trans families. It also covers co-parenting and non-couple families, which I think is great to know about.

2brides · November 2011

In addition - have knowledge about inducing lactation in the non-bio parent. When I went to our LC to get information on this, it was a foreign concept to her (we didn't end up doing it due to risks with the drugs.)

MidwestIrishBridea · November 2011

cookiemonster03:

I agree gender neutral language is important. Our RE's office also had a small section on their website for same-sex couples. If you can make all of your documents, materials, etc reference "partners" and such, I think it portrays a major message of openness.

Also, I think its interesting you included non-religious people as a group who may face bias in getting services (I am not religious, and have never even considered this being an issue, but live in the NYC metro). I'm not sure how you'd even word a statement about embracing all creeds etc, but its worth thinking about.

good luck!

I mentioned non-religious because in the Midwest, "everyone" is a protestant Christian. So if you're non-religious, Catholic, or Muslim, or any other religion, you're in the minority in my area, so that was something I wanted to put into consideration for my specific demographics.

MidwestIrishBridea · November 2011

themommymonster:
MidwestIrishBride:
themommymonster:
MidwestIrishBride:
themommymonster:

Hi!

I am in Northern, IN as well. We live in the South Bend area and have family in the Michigan City/Valpo area and frequently visit there, too.

When I looked for an OB/GYN I really looked for a practice that was open to me and my family. I did not want to be somewhere that may judge or look down upon me and my partner. Even though I was the one who was pregnant, I wanted to be treated as equals.

I think it is important to use terminology like "spouse" or "partner" as opposed to assuming someone has a husband.

What?! Haha South Bend is where I live!!!!!!

That is awesome! I actually live between Elkhart and Mishawaka, but most people don't know where that is.

Cool! Guessing Osceola area? I live in South Side of So Bend but I work in Elkhart. That commute can suuuuuuck!

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

I think it is great you are reaching out. I had our DS in Carmel, so I know nothing about hospitals ect in South Bend and how they react to LGBT families. Like Mandy said, information like that is good to know.

Haha! Brilliant! I have family in Osceola. See, I'm currently using Goshen's birth center and I'm not married to my SO (yet!) and I get soooooo irked whenever they say, "When you and your husband come in...." and I want to blurt out, "He's not my husband!" Also, in their initial paperwork, they assume that not only do you have a partner, and that not only is your partner male, but the partner is specifically your husband. Yeah. I had to leave that part blank even though I have a VERY involved SO in my pregnancy, but since he's not legally my hubby and that's how the documentation worded it..... yep.

THESE are the kinds of issues I want to avoid when I start my practice up.

viciouskittie · November 2011

MidwestIrishBride:

Whether you be conservative, liberal, religious, non-religious, straight, unwed, LGBT.....basically, just anybody, I want that person or couple to feel like my services will be full and open to their indivual needs.

I would put almost this exact paragraph in the FAQ section of your website.

- V

Mrs._F · November 2011

Definitely use inclusive language on your website and any paperwork that you give to clients. That right there sends a good message - I always love to see/hear "Partner (if applicable)" or "Spouse" or "Support Person" instead of the dreaded "husband."

Great idea from mandy to read "our" books Smile They are a great crash course in what any lebsian couples that may become clients are going through. There are two books, one by Stephanie Brill and one by Rachel Pepper both have titles similar to "The Lesbain Guide to TTC, Pregnancy & Birth" - if you put the author names into your fave bookstore, they come right up. You will probably really like the Brill one - she is a midwife Wink

Best of luck on your new career path! Very exciting!

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