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January 2012 Moms
I hadn't been thinking about it much until someone asked me today and now
I'm very upset about my husband's father. His mother passed when he was 14 and his dad remarried when he was 16 and really hasn't been a part of his life since, besides an email on his birthday each year. I've only met him once, at our wedding which was almost 4 years ago. When we started telling people we were expecting I told my DH that he should let him know ahead of time, before we go "facebook public" and he emailed him(which his dad seemed upset about...as if he deserved more) anyway, his dad congratulated him and that's it. He didn't comment when we found out we were having a boy, hasn't checked in to see how I'm doing, how LO is doing nothing. It's so sad that this little guy has a grandparent out there that he may never even meet...despite him only living 20 mins away.
On a happier note though, my parents are AMAZING and we are VERY close with them, so I know this LO will be spoiled rotten by them :-)
Sorry, had to vent a little
Married my best friend 5/2/2008
TTC our first miracle since November 2010
BFP 3/16/2011 Chemical Pregnancy 3/20/2011
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I hadn't been thinking about it much until someone asked me today and now
As frustrating as it is, you can't force someone to have a relationship or be involved in your child's life. As the saying goes, anyone can be a father but it takes a special person to be a dad.
My hubby's parents are happy and excited that we're having a baby but it's nothing like how excited my parents are. His parents are rather cold and distant. While they'll see LO from time to time I'm not expecting them to have a close relationship with her. My parents will see LO at least once a month, if not more, and I know she'll be close to them (and totally spoiled by them as well).
Grandparents, and other "family" members, don't have to be blood. My LO is going to have a honorary grandma who's a close elderly friend of mine as well as several honorary aunties, uncles and cousins. Remember, friends are the family you choose.
It is sad to think about a grandparent that possibly won't even care. It's hard to understand why someone would be like that and I feel you you. My H's father left right when he is born. My H never knew his father, so that is one grandparent that does not even know, let alone cares. My MIL was a teenager when she had H and remarried someone a few year younger than her, so he's not that much older than my H. He is 31 actually...I'm planning on little ones calling him Papa instead of Grandpa. Plus, that is what my H's grandfather went by, but he passed away about ten years ago so I think it is nice to reintroduce the name to the family again, as long as I have their approval which I'm pretty sure I do. MIL wants to be "Aunt". THAT one is vetoed for sure. I'm not confusing my LO because you have issues with being 40 y/o grandma. Plus she'll get over it as soon as baby is here.
Thats really tough when parents aren't as involved as you would like them to be. DH was raised by his grandparents and while both his mom and dad are around, he's really not very close to either of them. Which is really sad, because thats the set of grandparents that live nearby to LO (both within a 45 min drive) and he will still probably only see them a few times a year. To be honest, I don't really want my FIL to have much to do with the baby, he's got major drinking issues among other things. On the other hand, my parents will be absolutely amazing grandparents and I know they will want to be involved as much as possible in our son's life. My mom has already been spoiling this LO like crazy and he isn't even born yet! But they live in Canada and at most we will get to see them once or twice a year. Of course there will be weekly skype chats from day one, and we will send them tons of pictures and videos, but it won't be exactly the same.
It just frustrates and saddens me that the slacker grandparents will be the ones that have the easiest access to LO and won't be bother to take advantage of it, while my parents will be dying to see the baby as much as possible. But I am very grateful that LO will have at least one set of granparents that will really love him and be there for him, even from far away.