Emotional Wreck — The Bump
Military Families

Emotional Wreck

My husband left today for basic training. I cannot stop crying.  I was totally fine until I was pulling into the garage and my daughter started saying "daddy" in her cute little way, and then I just broke down. I gathered myself, went into the house and she ran to her room where her door was closed and was knocking on it saying "daddy".  I have no idea how to handle this.  I never knew how much I depended on him.  I know he will done in a few months, but this is just so hard for me.  And of course, it doesn't help that I'm pregnant.  I miss him so much and it's only the first day.  I just needed to get that out there in words, I was hoping it would make me feel a little bit better, but no such luck so far.

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Re: Emotional Wreck

  • I've said repeatedly on here that the initial separation was harder than the beginning of the deployment. Write him lots (leaving out that you are bawling your eyes out, but say that you miss him) and just keep busy. I know it seems like basic advice, but it really is the only way to get through besides locking yourself in a dark room.

    Good luck!

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  • Being separated sucks, there's no way around it. And, there is absolutely nothing we can do but deal with it. DH has been gone for about a month now usually i'm OK. For the first day or so, I as pretty hopeless, but I'm getting along much, much better at this point. But honeslty, I still have my moments where I have to cry. I agree with the PP, you have to keep busy, and while acknowledging your feelings, you can't allow yourself to wallow around in misery. It won't do you any good. Just take it one day at a time, write YH regularly, and send him pics and stuff of your daughter. GL!
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  • I'm sorry. :( My husband left for basic training in June, and it took over a week for me to go longer than 24 hours without crying. I had to make myself a to-do list every single day. Make it pretty easy at first. It made me feel better when I could check things off and see what I had accomplished that day, and eventually I added more stuff to it and just kept busy.

     I hope it gets better for you soon. Good luck!

  • Four years later, I still think my H's basic training was the toughest separation of all, because it was the first time we had ever been apart for that long. It will get better once you start hearing from him (letters and occasional phone calls). You'll find a routine. Until then, write him lots and force yourself to keep busy! I know from experience that sitting around feeling sad (even though that may be all you feel like doing) won't help you feel any better. Good luck!

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  • The first day is the worst!  It does get better.  You get used to it.  Then, when they come back, it can be another readjustment.  Hang it there! I'd tell you to keep busy, but with an LO I'm sure you won't have any problems with that.
    Married August 23, 2008!

    My little angel RIP August 12, 2010 - September 5, 2010

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  • For me, the first few days/weeks of separation and the last few days/weeks of separation of the hardest.  The first few are an adjustment and the last few are the anticipation (and the days tick by sooooooo slooow).

    I am 5 and a half months into our third deployment.  It does get easier.  I miss him every minute but I have learned how to be on my own, how to have good (even great!) days without him, and how to not look too far forward and wish days away because he isn't here.

    Yes, some days REALLY REALLY stink.  Epically bad days.  But most days are fine.  You learn to cope. 

    One of my hardest separations was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in 1998 when my DH was a plebe at the Naval Academy and I was a 17 year old going into my senior year of high school.  We had never been apart in our relationship and I swear that summer felt like 5 years.  I was worried, it was new to me, I was young, unsure, etc.  I'm sure you are more mature than I was, but I can relate to that anxiety. 

    Watching your kids miss their daddy is also really tough.  Just make sure you look at his picture a lot, talk about him, and include him in your everyday.  My 2 year old really misses her daddy and we make sure to watch the "Dadda DVD" (DH reading books), and read the "Dadda book" (a recordable book he did before he left), and look at TONS of pictures as often as we can.  Remember, kids have almost no concept of time.. so while she will likely really miss him everyday, when he is done it will not feel like months.  It will just be like "oh wow! yay! there is daddy!".  We bemoan the days and watch the calendar like a hawk.  Young kids don't.

    Married 6/28/03

    Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10

    4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014

    *~*~*~*~*

    No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.

    "Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens

     

  • Basic was pretty tough on me until after the half way point. He was gone through the holidays so I think that made it worse. You're not only experiencing a separation but are stepping into a new kind of life. It's rough. I was really glad to hear BMT was rough for other people as well since my SIL made fun of me for crying about it. It kinda justified my feelings.
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  • imageaslagle2:

    My husband left today for basic training. I cannot stop crying.  I was totally fine until I was pulling into the garage and my daughter started saying "daddy" in her cute little way, and then I just broke down. I gathered myself, went into the house and she ran to her room where her door was closed and was knocking on it saying "daddy".  I have no idea how to handle this.  I never knew how much I depended on him.  I know he will done in a few months, but this is just so hard for me.  And of course, it doesn't help that I'm pregnant.  I miss him so much and it's only the first day.  I just needed to get that out there in words, I was hoping it would make me feel a little bit better, but no such luck so far.

    My husband left a week ago for USMC boot camp. My LO is keeping me busy. If you want to talk we can since we are the same boat right now. I feel the holidays will be the worse!

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  • When my husband left for this deployment, I was a MESS the first week. Honestly, it felt like a death. I cried and felt completely hopeless. After that, it's completely manageable. The initial separation is SO hard, but it gets so much better pretty quickly after that. Now, over a month into this deployment, things are ticking along just fine. We have hard days, but overall, we're all adjusted well.

    My blog! Our kids: Natalie 6 Colton 4 Adelyn 1 1/2 Easton Si Hu (in Korea) 1 Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Wow! We have a lot in common! I read your blog and my hubby went to the Academy too. I was also 17 when he left for Plebe Summer. We are marine and he flies Harriers. I will have to PM you:)
    imagesweetpea2003:

    For me, the first few days/weeks of separation and the last few days/weeks of separation of the hardest.  The first few are an adjustment and the last few are the anticipation (and the days tick by sooooooo slooow).

    I am 5 and a half months into our third deployment.  It does get easier.  I miss him every minute but I have learned how to be on my own, how to have good (even great!) days without him, and how to not look too far forward and wish days away because he isn't here.

    Yes, some days REALLY REALLY stink.  Epically bad days.  But most days are fine.  You learn to cope. 

    One of my hardest separations was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in 1998 when my DH was a plebe at the Naval Academy and I was a 17 year old going into my senior year of high school.  We had never been apart in our relationship and I swear that summer felt like 5 years.  I was worried, it was new to me, I was young, unsure, etc.  I'm sure you are more mature than I was, but I can relate to that anxiety. 

    Watching your kids miss their daddy is also really tough.  Just make sure you look at his picture a lot, talk about him, and include him in your everyday.  My 2 year old really misses her daddy and we make sure to watch the "Dadda DVD" (DH reading books), and read the "Dadda book" (a recordable book he did before he left), and look at TONS of pictures as often as we can.  Remember, kids have almost no concept of time.. so while she will likely really miss him everyday, when he is done it will not feel like months.  It will just be like "oh wow! yay! there is daddy!".  We bemoan the days and watch the calendar like a hawk.  Young kids don't.

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  • Yeah, my daughter keeps me very busy too.  It just kills me every time she asks for her daddy.  I've been telling her he's at work and she forgets for awhile, but then asks before bed.  My husband is coming home on the 17 for Christmas, so I have that to look forward to.  I know that I'll adjust after a week or so, but all I want to do now is cry.  He finally called for the first time today and it was so bittersweet.  I was glad to hear his voice and talk to him for a few minutes, but now I'm all upset again.  Today and yesterday I was fine and didn't cry at all, but it's all I've been doing since we hung up.  It doesn't help that I have all these hormones racing through me.  I cry over everything, even stupid, sappy commercials.  Ugh, I hope you're doing alright.  I would love to talk because now that he's gone, I have no one. 
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  • imageelretter:
    imageaslagle2:

    My husband left today for basic training. I cannot stop crying.  I was totally fine until I was pulling into the garage and my daughter started saying "daddy" in her cute little way, and then I just broke down. I gathered myself, went into the house and she ran to her room where her door was closed and was knocking on it saying "daddy".  I have no idea how to handle this.  I never knew how much I depended on him.  I know he will done in a few months, but this is just so hard for me.  And of course, it doesn't help that I'm pregnant.  I miss him so much and it's only the first day.  I just needed to get that out there in words, I was hoping it would make me feel a little bit better, but no such luck so far.

    My husband left a week ago for USMC boot camp. My LO is keeping me busy. If you want to talk we can since we are the same boat right now. I feel the holidays will be the worse!

     

    Yeah, my daughter keeps me very busy too. It just kills me every time she asks for her daddy. I've been telling her he's at work and she forgets for awhile, but then asks before bed. My husband is coming home on the 17 for Christmas, so I have that to look forward to. I know that I'll adjust after a week or so, but all I want to do now is cry. He finally called for the first time today and it was so bittersweet. I was glad to hear his voice and talk to him for a few minutes, but now I'm all upset again. Today and yesterday I was fine and didn't cry at all, but it's all I've been doing since we hung up. It doesn't help that I have all these hormones racing through me. I cry over everything, even stupid, sappy commercials. Ugh, I hope you're doing alright. I would love to talk because now that he's gone, I have no one.

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  • I'm right there with you. My husband left for Navy bootcamp today and I just had my first LO 5 days ago. Night time is the worst not having him next to me :( I definitely understand your sadness. I have been off and on crying all day. Sigh.... I just wish he was here.
         Lilypie - (2Lt7)      Lilypie - (WFOL)

     
         Jonah Stephen born at 39w on 11/3/2011                Naomi Isabel born at 37w 5d on 5/27/2013
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