HOw do you deal with stupid people...

daisyduck0427 · November 2011

Ok. Maybe that's not nice but I kind of mean it. Here is a small list of stupid things I've heard..

1. I know it's hard but it will be ok. God has reasons for these things.

(I believe in God, but I don't think this is something you say to someone at a time of loss.)

2. You don't want to dwell on it?

3. Are you sure you were pregnant.

4. A friend of mine who has had a miscarriage told me that healing came for her when she got pregnant a few months after. Well good for her. My husband isn't sure that he wants another child and would like to get fixed. She knows this and still said it. I didn't understand. This particularly is very sensitive for me right now.

I have a large family so we told all of our siblings parents and a few close friends. I can't take back how many people I told. For the most part I am glad because I have a group of people supporting me through it. I think if we hadn't told anyone it would seem as though it never happened. I want to recognize my angel baby's short little life.

alysky · November 2011

daisyduck0427:
1. I know it's hard but it will be ok. God has reasons for these things.

My husbands grandmother has told me the following:

1. God only gives you what he thinks he you can handle... maybe he thought you couldn't handle it.

2. Maybe you weren't meant to have another baby. You already have two... maybe God thinks that's enough.

3. There must have been something wrong with it... God did what was best.

It's really hard not to smack the sweet little 90 year old woman! I love her but I wish someone would give her a list of things NOT to say... or to tell her to just SHUT UP. But since I can't hit her and no one is going to tell her to be quiet... I just grin and bear it and repeat over and over to her... we are ok. And then I walk away.

So sorry for your loss.

Laurakat81 · November 2011

It never ceases to amaze me what people will say. If someone tells me that God has his reasons I would simply respond by saying something along the lines of, "God has his reasons for allowing earthquakes and plane crashes too but that doesn't make them any less devastating.". That being said I agree with you, I don't think these are things God caused or is happy about either.

if someone tried to tell me not to dwell on it I think I'd ask them if they really thought telling a grieving mother to not dwell was such a sympathetic thing to say. Heck, would they say that if my dog died?!

And if someone dared question if my child ever even existed I'm pretty sure I'd lose it and respond with something extremely inappropriate like, "oh I guess I could have imagined bleeding out my dead baby!".

I'm kind of to a point where I'm done make everyone else comfortable while they say stupid things. I know they mean well but I want them to be uncomfortable enough that they actually remember to never say it to another grieving mother again.

waitingtobemommy · November 2011

number 1 is totally true.... God has a reason for everything he does.. he has a purpose... you shouldnt take it as an insult... i actually fell better when someone tells me that.... God will one day bless all of us, when the time is right.

daisyduck0427 · November 2011

waitingtobemommy:
number 1 is totally true.... God has a reason for everything he does.. he has a purpose... you shouldnt take it as an insult... i actually fell better when someone tells me that.... God will one day bless all of us, when the time is right.

I absolutely believe in God. My faith has given me hope during the darkest time of my life. However, I don't agree with you. Telling someone that God has a reason for why the baby miscarried I don't feel is comforting or encouraging. I believe that God has blessed me tremendously, first and foremost with a wonderful man who supports and loves me and many other ways. I believe God's hand is in everything but it doesn't always make it easier. For me it feels as though they are lessening the seriousness of the circumstances. One of my biggest hurts is people acting as though I should be getting over this, and it just happened two days ago.

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