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Natural Birth
JessieJH
member
When to engage a Doula?
JessieJH
member
I haven't yet gone the Doula route, but I'm starting to think about it and was wondering- at what point did you interview and select a doula. When you did- do you spend much time with them pre-labor?
I am going the Birth Center route and my DH is actually VERY supportive of it. However, what I'm starting to see though is that he might not do well in labor and I'm thinking I may need a Doula as 'insurance' to make sure I get the support I want. DH had been dropping lots of comments on how he's not so sure that he can be helpful to me when the time comes. I largely did not understand why until last week when he told me that he just can't imagine me 'that way'. In other words, he's never seen me in severe pain or in a situation like he imagines labor and he's worried he can't or won't be able to handle it. The man is trying hard and is studying up on what he's supposed to do (birth class finds him taking copious notes), but I can see that he's freaked out. I've never seen him scared, but I'm starting to wonder if he's going to need to bolt from the room when the time comes. I let him know that if he wants I will get a doula to help, but he's not sure. He's conflicted and wants to 'try', but just isn't sure if he'll be up for it. I feel like I need a cutoff point at which time I must make a decision, but when is that?
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Re: When to engage a Doula?
Doulas are awesome even if the hubby it totally involved because during birth, the doula can help keep him focused and pay attention to you. Or if DH is doing great supporting you, the doula can make sure all the other stuff is taken care of, such as your birth plan.
When to start working with a doula is partly up to you and partly up to how the doula works. Some offer one pre-labor visit, others two or even three. Some have lending libraries that you have access too, some will visit once and then email back and forth regarding questions. It depends on their type of services. Your siggy says you're 26 weeks? I think now is definitely the time to interview and find a doula you're comfortable with.
The issue can be finding a doula with space to have you - they often only take a couple of clients per month to ensure they will be available at your birth.
It does sound like you both would benefit from one. DH loved having ours; it made him a much better support to me. Honestly, he sucks at taking care of me when I'm sick and that did translate to labour. She helped him know what to do.
If you're considering it, I'd start calling around to see who is available and what they charge. You can then meet with a couple and make a decision from there. I met with my doula 3 x before the birth and she checked on me a couple times after.
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Two things:
1) Just hired my doula and she does a 36th week in-depth appointment with me & DH to go over birth plan, preferences, prep, questions, etc. So in terms of when, give yourself enough time to chat with a few (we just did phone interviews with 3 of them), make a choice, and schedule your pre-labor appt with her.
2) Your husband's anxiousness: I think it's totally normal and it sounds like he'll do a wonderful job. Regular relaxation practice and a few labor practices hopefully will give him more confidence. He sounds like he's doing a great job already - you're very lucky!
Thanks Ladies- I think I'll start making some calls. is there a ballpark Doula charge or range you've seen or is that set by geography?
Luckily the Birth Center started us out with a list- so I'm not working from scratch.
I do appreciate his efforts, I just wanted to make sure someone is there to take care of 'me' and I'm seeing that he might need some care himself. LOL. :-)
In my area, they range from $300 to $1200. Mine was $450.
Student doulas have to attend a certain number of births for free, so if you can't afford it or don't want to afford it, look into that. In cases of financial need, most doulas will also either drop their fee or work out a doable payment plan.
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