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Foster or Adopt?

Tiffany0614Tiffany0614 member
in Adoption
My husband and I started our adoption process a year ago. We both agreed we did not want to foster, just foster to adopt children who were legally free as we did not want the heartbreak we knew would come with fostering. Our agency just called us about a 2 year old child to foster. They were pretty sure he'd go back home. We both decided we'd do it, thinking it would be easier because we'd go into it knowing he wasn't staying long term. By the time our worker called his worker to say yes, they'd found another family. For that short amount of time, I'd convince myself I could do it, get attached and then let him go. But we'd already begun planning and by the time they said they'd found a home, I was already very disappointed. If I'm upset over a child I haven't even met, I'm not sure I can handle fostering...

Me 30/DH 31 Married in June 2003. TTC since 2008. M/c in Nov. 2008. D/x: DOR and MFI 5 cycles of IUI in 2010. IVF #1 in Nov. 2011. ER 11/22. ET 11/25. BFN.
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Re: Foster or Adopt?

  • mommytoconnormommytoconnor member
    I am so sorry for you.  I can sympathize.  You have to understand that the ultimate goal of foster care is reunification with birth parents.  So if you simply want to adopt, this may not be the best way.  With that being said, if you foster and it turns into an adoption path, you will get first opportunity to adopt.  I rec'd a call for a baby who was not yet legally free and they felt it was going toward adoption, but it would be foster until rights were terminated.  So I accepted.  I was lucky, it was an adoption and so once rights were terminated, I was able to adopt him.  It doesn't always work out this way.  You have to know your limits as a family as to what you can handle.  If you can't handle it, don't put a child thru the emotional stuff.  If you can handle it, you may get into a situation that turns out to be an adoption and you will get your forever child.  I wish you all the luck, keep your chins up.
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  • mamatojtsmamatojts
    We went into foster care for the sole purpose of adopting children. We were patient and after fostering 6 children, we were selected to adopt a 18 month old little boy that was free for adoption because his then foster parents chose not to adopt him. Its hard to let them go, but we just wanted to be parents and that we were. We know that we helped the children as much as the children helped us. :)
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