Poll: People visiting at Hospital after birth?

otoro98 · November 2011

Hey, ladies -

Who opted for more privacy in the day or so you're in the hospital after birth and didn't want family/friends to visit? Alternatively, who wanted or didn't think twice to have family and friends come by the first day in the hospital? Advantages, and disadvantages to both?

Mrs.Handy · November 2011

I didn't discourage or encourage people from visiting us. We don't have family nearby so the only people that visited us at the hospital were my Mom and three of my friends.

My parents live in FL and my Mom had wanted to come for the birth, but she didn't make it time. My friends ended up coming since DS was born early Sunday morning. If it had been a weekday, they probably wouldn't have come since they live in Bethesda and we live in VA.

I wouldn't have wanted a ton of visitors staying all day, but a few visitors was nice. You're not there for very long if you have a vaginal birth, so they might not have the chance to visit you.

Sofka · November 2011

we didn't want any visitors at home the 1st week, I wanted us to bond as a family and to learn to take care of DD on our own without interruptions. So we had everyone visit in the hospital and it was great! I ended up with an emergency c-section and was bedridden for 24 hrs and really, there is not much to do in the hospital, so might as well have people visiting. You won't get much privacy anyway b/c the hospital staff are in your room every 3 hours, at least, around the clock, checking your blood pressure, changing your sheets from pp bleeding, checking on the baby, etc etc. No rest there!

ETA: I had 2 c-sections and left after 2 nights both times.

mssaint · November 2011

I had an unplanned c-section, so was in the hospital for 3 days pp. Having visitors was nice, but I wouldn't have wanted more than the few that we had. Really, it was just my parents and a couple of good friends. Other people waited until we got home.

AgrippaRidesAgain · November 2011

We didn't really encourage or discourage it. Everyone was pretty good about giving us space though--no friends even asked about visiting until after we were good. My ILs came to the hospital after DS was born, and my mom came out to visit (my family is in AZ). I liked not having a ton of people, but we are pretty private. I didn't even want visitors at home for the first week, but DH won that argument.

ETA: I'm also glad that we didn't have a ton of people b/c I had a rough delivery with DS and wasn't really up to seeing people.

LindseyJW · November 2011

I have had babies at home and at the hospital (surgical birth). both times i welcomed visitors right away.

i see birth as a family event (since they will forever claim that child as a member of the family) and i see my closest friends as part of my family. for me, there was nothing i wanted more than to share that moment with my family.

the advantage of hospital visitors is that when i got home, things were quiet for a while b/c they had already seen the baby. and by the time i got home, i was in severe pain from the surgery and baby blues had set in and i didn't want anyone to see me that way.

the advantage of my homebirth visitors is that they all brought food!

interesting that a few of the people who came to visit me in the hospital after my first birth did not come to visit at home. i wonder if there is something about being in the hospital that makes people feel more obliged to visit.

kastle · November 2011

I didn't want any visitors until weeks after he was born. i had an emergency c-section after he got stuck (and i was in induced labor for 24hrs). i was exhausted and in pain. then, BF'ing was a struggle. i'm a modest person & I didn't want anyone but my husband & medical personnel to see me topless and wearing ratty, blood stained nightgowns (which is how the first 2 weeks were for me).

really, i'm the sort that feels the need to entertain anyone that comes into my house (or hospital room) and i just wanted to be left alone to bond with my baby when he was awake and nap when he was asleep. the transition for me wasn't some horrible ordeal or anything, but i just really wanted privacy to process it.

WinesNot Whines · November 2011

I didn't encourage it or discourage it, but our families aren't local, so I knew we wouldn't have many visitors. My ILs drove down when I went into labor, and they stopped by for a couple of hours each day. That was it. The only bad thing about visitors was having to either BF in front of them or kick them out of the room. Friends visited us when we got home.

smacb · November 2011

We didn't encourage or discourage. I had a c-section and ended up spending 3 nights in the hospital. Honestly, I was happy for the company. Our only visitors were grandparents and DH's sister

Hey Jellisy · November 2011

I loved having visitors at the hospital. It's kind of boring there by yourself. Especially with DS, he was under the lights for jaundice, so I was really alone.

When I had DD, we had visitors from the get go and while it was so nice to see everyone, it was harder to entertain with little sleep and learning how to nurse than I would've imagined. DD however was the first grandchild and the first baby in one group of friends so folks were particularly excited to see her, and I was happy to be seen, but when I everyone left, I was a little relieved. Although I was excited to have my mom back. She was awesome and helpful and without her I can't imagine how much harder it would've been to navigate the new parental waters.

northernvabride · November 2011

I had 2 c-sections, my family is only partly local (twin sister lived here at the time, but parents are out of state), but DH's family is local (all of them). I didn't want anyone at the hospital but grandparents and my sister and really only wanted my mom and sister to be the one who were there for more than an hour or two because of pain and BFing (and I think it is natural to want to be around your mom when you have a baby, not necessarily your MIL) - although I didn't say this to anyone, our friends just didn't ask to visit. FIL came up for an hour or so and MIL came an hour or two each day. DH's brother and family were going to come, but when they found out their kids couldn't come into my hospital room, they decided to visit later on. Once we got home, we had a few more family visitors but no friends (they never asked to visit). We were pretty much on our own and liked it (my mom stayed for a week to help each time also). Our pediatrician was not a fan of having much non-family/unnecessary contact for the first 2 months because of illness/fever risk (fever = hospital stay, not just trip to the dr. in the first 2 months of life) and we were just fine with that. After that I went around having lunch with my girlfriends while on maternity leave, which was a more fun way to introduce baby for me. Everyone is so different in this regard, so I'm sure you'll do what feels right. I knew in advance I didn't want tons of people, and I stuck with that.

suecadence · November 2011

I welcomed visitors. We didn't have too many family there (just DH's parents) but the day after I gave birth we had quite a few friends come visit and it was wonderful.

VARedhead · November 2011

We had immediate family visit, and one friend came by. I was ok with not many visitors because I was tired. It's nice, though, because often they will bring food which is a nice bonus. Wink

My SIL, however, overstayed her welcome at the hospital and I basically had to kick her out. When she started job hunting on DHs computer I knew she would never leave unless I told her to.

KelXoXo · November 2011

I completely discouraged visitors and made it very clear during the end of my pregnancy that visits were strictly invitation only. I had no idea how I'd feel after, and didn't want to have to entertain people while I'd rather sleep/figure out breastfeeding/bond with my baby.

Some people were pissed, but everyone respected it, and once we were home, I was happy to set up times with people to come visit. I'm really glad we did it this way, with everything on our terms and schedule.

QueSrah · November 2011

I didn't actively encourage or discourage visitors. My FIL is the only immediate family we have here, so he was the only one who came to the hospital (and he's good about respecting boundaries anyway). My BFF probably would have come but she couldn't get anyone to watch her kids (and this was during swine flu, when no kids could visit hospitals). I was too exhausted and overwhelmed to have wanted more company (and I stayed the full four days after my c/s).

SoonToBeMrsDTS · November 2011

I prefer having hospital visitors to having people come when we first got home. I feel like people are less likely to hang around at the hospital for any length of time. Once I got home, I just wanted some time for all of us. Plus being home felt more chaotic than the hospital, especially with my second baby when I had a toddler running around at home.

JKM416 · November 2011

We had no visitors when DD was born, and only one set (my mom and DD) when DS was born. This was due to living far from all family and friends, so it was pretty much a non-issue. However, I'm really glad we didn't have anyone come by. I wore the hospital gown the entire time, was bleeding, was sore, etc. I got a shower but still looked and felt like hell. There are very few people I'd have felt comfortable having see me in that state. I wanted to nap when I could, learn to feed the baby, and do everything else on my terms without feeling pressured to accommodate other people's wants (but that's also just my dig-in-my-heels personality). The frequent interruptions from hospital staff were more than enough. No way would I have wanted people dropping by unannounced or staying for longer than half an hour. I can totally see why people would want to show off their new baby and have some company (because I did get bored in the hospital) and such, but it wasn't for me. Especially with #3 being born with cold/flu/strep season getting into full swing.

There are too many unknowns and you can't predict how you'll feel in the moment. I'd say that you shouldn't promise anyone anything and make it clear that you'll let them know what turns out to be a good time for them to visit...hospital, at home, after lunch, between 5-6pm, or whatever. Let your DH be the "bad guy" with his family if necessary. Set boundaries now - it's one of the most important skills you can master as a parent! Wink

doggylovr · November 2011

DS was born in the height of swine flu so visitors were very limited, my parents did come and my best friend and DH's best friend came but that was it, they could only be tehre for very limited hours and only 2 people at a time...so it ended up being the best of both worlds, we got company and they often came with food but not ALL the time

mcatmay · November 2011

My mom was already here, wanting to be part of the birth, so she and my husband were the only ones that came to visit at the hospital. We're new to the area, though, so we couldn't have had that many people visit. Some people from work wanted to come visit right away but i discouraged it. I was exhausted, overwhelmed and felt that i was topless or half-covered by the hospital gown the majority of the time as baby and I learned to breastfeed. I never was able to sleep while in the hospital so I was continuously worn out - like PP, i feel the need to entertain people when they come to visit, so i was more than happy to have no one besides my mom and DH.

kbalb · November 2011

DD was a "swine flu" baby and Fairfax would only allow one person (besides me) in the hospital. I absolutely loved it. It gave us time to bond in the hospital. I could sleep whenever I wanted to. DD was under the lights for awhile too, so that also made it easier on me.

I still think my in-laws and mom were crazy for sitting down in the waiting room the entire day I was in labor. They were there from 11 a.m. induction to her birth at 9:30 p.m. DH had to run down a few times to keep them posted, which gave him a break from me.

They were then invited to our house after we had been home alone for a few hours. They made dinner and then my parents went home and my in-laws went back to the hotel. When my in-laws came back the next three days all they wanted to do was hold the baby, and in hind-sight, the fact that I was up running around cooking and cleaning while they sat and held her is probably why it took me longer to recover. Our friends stopped by, no more than two each day, and brought food and to look at what a newborn looked like (4 couples were due 2-4 months later).

otoro98 · November 2011

Thanks, everyone! Basically, everyone has their own comfort zone about this - it is really all over the map, which is pretty much what I expected. I think for baby #2 (if/when he/she comes) I will ask people to not come to the hospital the next day, with the exception of immediate family. As it was, I had immediate family there, along with my parents friends (ugh) and my best friend. TOO much for day one of first baby. While I didn't mind my immeidate family there, they stayed too long, but I was so overwhelmed with the newness of everything and exhausted/stressed out that I didn't know how to articulate what I was feeling. Anyway, I think next time I'd say 1) immediate family only, and 2) limit the visit to 1-2 hours. I was WAY overwhelmed, and most importantly, I feel like we really (me, my husband and baby) missed out on some really beautiful bonding time that I can't get back. Anyway, alls well that ends well, and we have an awesome happy healthy girl, so I can't complain...

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