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Baby Names
Nephs13
member
DH against using my dad's name (long)
Nephs13
member
in Baby Names
We have one son already whose middle name is my DH's first name. Now that we are having a second son, I have really been wanting to use my dad's name as his middle name. My dad has no sons of his own, and I thought it would be a lovely gesture to honor him in this way since I won't be carrying on our last name.
My DH just told me that he does not want to use my father's name at all... he was kind of on-the-fence about it before, but now is saying he's fully against it. His reasoning is that my dad does a lot of bothersome things, for example he is really unhealthy and hasn't taken care of himself for years and expects everyone else to do everything for him (I don't mean like he has something he can't help... he is extremely overweight yet refuses to do anything about it and just continues to get bigger and less active. He has trouble even walking now. He eats red meat and french fries at least once a day, if not more, plus tons of other junk food). This has become really bad in the past 5-10 years or so, although he's been pretty overweight my entire life. He is also sometimes really mean to my mom, which I don't tolerate anymore and always stick up for her (never physical, just verbally attacks on her).
On the other hand, he ADORES his grandchildren and I know he loves me more than anything. Of all the annoying things he has done over the years, I still have so much love for him. He is my father and even though I get annoyed too, it's really hurtful to hear it coming from my own DH. I still want to honor him because of all the good memories I have with him, however I want to respect my husband too since it is our child we are naming.
What do you all think? I know I could ultimately get my way with DH, but I feel badly after hearing him say he was completely against using the name. Thanks for your opinions.
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Re: DH against using my dad's name (long)
I would accept your husband's opinion and let it go.
I love FIL's middle name and wanted to use it for a son, but my FIL is an alcoholic and has done some things in the past two years that have made me decide that I do not want him or anyone else to think that I am honoring him by using this name.
I wouldn't want my husband to shove that name down my throat because he wanted to honor his dad, who has some good qualities though IMO that bad outweigh the good.
Granted, my FIL sounds a lot worse than your Dad, but how would you feel if the roles were reversed and DH was trying to force a name on you?
I understand what you are saying. As far as if the roles were reversed, I suppose I feel like his father/his side of the family is being honored in that my DH has his father's first name as his middle name, my BIL has his father's middle name as his middle name, not to mention we carry on the family last name through our two sons.
I guess ultimately I would not choose a name that knew my DH was 100% against using, but I feel like I could probably argue my point a bit more with him to get him on-board. I'm just not sure if that's the right thing to do... wanted to hear what others thought. Thanks for your opinion.
It sounds like carrying on your family's name is important to you so perhaps you should discuss it further with your husband.
My situation is different than yours because my FIL's negative characteristics are much more severe than your Dads. I just know that I wouldn't want my DH pressuring me too much to use the name so that's where my opinion comes from.
I agree with artygirl. Both of you have veto power in naming and if he's vetoed the name it's off the table. Because you would want the same respect for names you don't like - for whatever reason.
And whether or not the abuse is physical, I wouldn't want to give my child the name of a man who abuses any woman. So I'm kinda with your DH on this one.
Thanks. I know I don't have the energy to type out every little thing he's done in the past that has upset us, and honestly they are nowhere near the "abusive, absentee, alcoholic/drug addict" nature... He is a good person in most ways, but has some issues and things that DH does not deem as desirable qualities to be deserving a namesake. I plan on talking it over with DH more tonight. Thanks to everyone for their opinions.
My thoughts too....
Personally, I would not place my DH in position in which I would argue my case harder for a name he has clearly and honestly stated his opinion as why he would not use for his child. Kudos to your DH for taking an active role!