Do you ever feel like certain family members favor one of your twins over the other?
It really seems like my MIL (and now FIL) prefer my DD over my DS. I feel bad about how they go to her first all the time when we see them and how they interact more with her than DS. It's not like DS is a bad baby either - of course I'm biased, but both of my babies are even-tempered, happy kids (people actually comment on this all the time). I'm not sure if they just like girls more or if it's because there have been more boys born recently than girls in their family so they pay more attention to her or what.
They also consider my DD a "daddy's girl" so maybe they like her more because she, in their eyes, seems to gravitate more towards their son. And they all think that she looks just like him too. This is all fine - I'm just trying to figure out why they seem to favor her over DS.
And then again, maybe I'm just being overly sensitive - who knows? I've felt this way for awhile now and it's kind of cathartic to get it out there.
Re: Family Favoring One Twin Over the Other (Kind of a Vent)
I swear I'm not stalking you...
But yeah, MIL says all the time "Alexander, you are my favorite", in front of Harrison AND her other grandkids. It's gotten a little better recently since Alexander has embraced being a crazy active toddler, but it's still there.
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I'm sorry. Obviously my twins aren' here yet but my MIL is the same way with our older children. She is absolutely in love with my step-son, her "first born grandchild" and our daughter "the baby for now" but our son just doesn't seem to matter as much. She misses footbabll and baseball games for him but not for the older one and she wouldn't dream of mising my daughter's dance recital.
It gets very frustrating for me too. I have pointed it out on more than one occasion. Maybe you should say something to your husband.
I'm real worried.
The phrase I just heard last week was, "I could never say no to S," when MIL was holding DS already and DD reached for her (like she does for everyone - it's a game DD plays with people). She's very interactive with her too - lots of kisses, talks to her more when she's holding her, etc. It bugs me.
I've mentioned it to DH before and he doesn't seem to see it like I do. I think he's in denial, quite frankly (and I also don't think he would confront his parents about it). I also think that he seems to clamor a bit more over DD too at times.
I'm not even so much worried about right now since they're still so young. But what about when they get older and start seeing this stuff for themselves, ya know?
I haven't really had that issue with my parents or MIL or family in general although I did find at first some friends gravitated more towards Zxavier than Tristan, Zxavier was more approachable than Tristan was...a few of them said that they actually "preferred" him for this reason...it did bother me and to be honest I'm surprised they even told me IF I were them I'd keep it to myself.
Either way, the boys are now very much the same when it comes to interaction with other people so it's not an issue AND one person thought it was Zxavier he was talking to when it was Tristan and was surprised how much his personality changed...
Hopefully this won't last, as a mom it would hurt a little, so you're not being over-sensitive to this issue.
If it's any consolation, my grandmother obviously favored my brother, and I got over it. It hurt my feelings on occasion when I was a kid, but my other family members and my parents weren't that way, and I didn't grow up feeling like he was better than me or end up with a warped sense of self-esteem. I knew she loved me very much even though she liked my brother more, and as an adult I can understand that it was just one of those little oddities about her.
Especially odd is that she always fawned over his "gorgeous, curly hair," even when we were both teenagers and he obviously didn't care and I (as a teenage girl) would have liked it very much if anyone had said anything nice about my hair!
Yeah, my son is 8 now and he can see that his mee-mee is "uninterested" in him. He's a good, energetic, athletic, out-going kid. He's my baby boy and I love him just as much as my daughter. I can't imagine where people get the "favorite" from.
Good luck to you and I hope you find your answer.
Mrs Lee - that's the craziest effin thing ever!!!! No one in my family would have listened if my MIL said that!!! That's just nutty!
I have zero experience with this. I'd be pretty pissed though if it was happening.