Will I ever love #2 as much as I love #1?

julieb00lie · October 2011

I feel real crappy asking myself this question. I'm sure my feelings are so much stronger for her because we've had two years to bond, whereas I've only had one month with DS. Did anyone else feel like this after their 2nd child came along or am I just a crappy mom?

sweetpea2003 · October 2011

You aren't a crappy mom. I know that I personally am not in love with the newborn phase. I love my babies from birth, but I don't feel like I really "bond" with them completely until they hit 3 or 4 months and start interacting more. Your relationship with your older child is a two-way street. You communicate, she can show affection, etc. With your newborn he is just eating, sleeping, pooping... I'm sure you love your son, but things haven't blossomed yet.

I can say with 100% confidence that I love my kids the same now that DS is 11 months. They are incredibly different, but awesome in their own ways. But it took some bonding and growing to make me feel like I knew my son on the same level that I know my daughter.

It'll happen!

juliane2004 · October 2011

I love the newborn phase but I did NOT feel instantly connected with DS.

I felt like he was this baby thrown in our family, but not really PART of our little family of 3. DD was my "baby" and when DS was born, he was just this child I have to take care of. I didn't feel like we were a family of 4 until I felt like I "knew" him, when he was 3 months old. Honestly, maybe even a little older.

You will love #2 as much as #1. It just takes time.

julieb00lie · October 2011

Thanks ladies. I appreciate the encouragement.

beyoga · October 2011

You're not a crappy mom. My ds was a 24 week preemie, it was a real roller coaster, and we had fertility issues and had to seek treatment to get pregnant with him. DD was an unplanned pregnancy and I too am not a fan of the newborn stage. It seems harder to bond with dd but it was such an emotional time when we had ds I know I will bond over time with her.

howleyshell · October 2011

Most definitely.

Infants are not much in the personality department but they're heavy in the demands department.

In time you'll get more smiles and interaction and grow to love #2 for exactly who he is.

Add to that the fact that seeing them love each other will melt you in a whole new way and it's the perfect "How did we ever live without you" cocktail!

I think the demands of 2 so young makes it harder to initially enjoy the baby because you're so much in survival mode, KWIM?

Cajun_gal · October 2011

sweetpea2003:
You aren't a crappy mom. I know that I personally am not in love with the newborn phase. I love my babies from birth, but I don't feel like I really "bond" with them completely until they hit 3 or 4 months and start interacting more. Your relationship with your older child is a two-way street. You communicate, she can show affection, etc. With your newborn he is just eating, sleeping, pooping... I'm sure you love your son, but things haven't blossomed yet.

I can say with 100% confidence that I love my kids the same now that DS is 11 months. They are incredibly different, but awesome in their own ways. But it took some bonding and growing to make me feel like I knew my son on the same level that I know my daughter.

It'll happen!

This! Now that DS#2 is almost 9 months old, I have developed such a bond with him like I have with DS#1. It's hard to feel that connection with a newborn for me.

Mereou12 · October 2011

Thank you for asking this question, and thank you to those that responded. I really needed to hear this today! It's been one of those days...

12bailey18 · October 2011

I kinda feel the opposite. For me, I feel guilty because I instantly loved DD but it took me awhile to feel that love for DS. I think it's because I'm much more relaxed this time around and with DS I was so new at it, I was scared of "messing up." I dunno but I'd venture to guess your feelings are normal. I think motherhood is full all of all sorts of emotions that would fall under the "normal" category. You're definitely not a crappy mom!

losmitty · October 2011

Confession I haven't told anyone. I didn't. Not until #2 was probably 10-15 minutes old. The whole pregnancy I loved my #2, but I didn't feel like I loved him as much as I loved #1. Maybe even partially becasue he was a boy and I felt that DD and I had a lot of bonds because we had mommy-daughter things. Even wen he came out, I panicked. "oh crap! He's here and I love Sophia more." But once I got really settled into the bed- oh yeah, I had him standing up- and he was in my arms. I breastfed and looked at him and snuggled him and soon, I was in love just as much as I was/am with Sophia. I still have a favorite- whichever one I am holding.

kmh2201 · October 2011

I remember crying a the night before my scheduled c-section, wondering if I would love DD as much as DS. I agree with PP's that the newborn phase can be hard because they haven't developed a personality yet. It does take time to adjust. I just adore DD (LO #2) now. I love them both the same.

nmg120 · October 2011

Thank you for this post. DS1 is 22 months, DS2 is 1 month. I was crying to DH the other night b/c I do not feel the same bond with DS2. It makes me feel awful. He kept reminding me that he is only a newborn and I've had 2 years with DS1. However, DS1 was a much easier baby and I think that contributes to my feelings.

Soter1 · October 2011

Of course you will Heck, my love ebb and flows depending on what child is bugging me less at the moment Stick out tongue

Seriously though, I bonded really quick with DS2 because it was just the two of us because DS1 was with DH or g'ma so much in the beginning.

sept04brideinMD · November 2011

losmitty:
Confession I haven't told anyone. I didn't. Not until #2 was probably 10-15 minutes old. The whole pregnancy I loved my #2, but I didn't feel like I loved him as much as I loved #1. Maybe even partially becasue he was a boy and I felt that DD and I had a lot of bonds because we had mommy-daughter things. Even wen he came out, I panicked. "oh crap! He's here and I love Sophia more." But once I got really settled into the bed- oh yeah, I had him standing up- and he was in my arms. I breastfed and looked at him and snuggled him and soon, I was in love just as much as I was/am with Sophia. I still have a favorite- whichever one I am holding.

So true! As clique as they say - you will love both of them, for different reasons and you really can love both of them. Strange enough, your heart really does grow bigger.

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