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Dulmaria
member
5 year old won´t sleep on her bed
Dulmaria
member
Hi everyone, I need advice on this one...
Long story short I recently got married, my daughter is from a failed relationship, so she and I have always slept together.
Before getting married sometimes my now hubby would sleep over at our house ( I lived at my parents) and my daughter would sleep with us in my side of the bed ( I assure you no sex would go on between us when my daughter was there).
But now that we moved to the house (which we did beforfe getting married, that is we?ve been living under the same roof for about two months now) she still wants to sleep in our bed, when she?s fallen asleep we take her into her room, but she?ll wake up in the middle of night and walk back to our room.
I don??t know If should just take her to her room and leave her crying herself to sleep, or wait untill she grows up a little more.... any advice???
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Re: 5 year old won&#180;t sleep on her bed
She's 5. I don't know how much older you want her to be before you think she'll be ready to do this. Were I in your shoes I would have made the transition as soon as you were in your new place and she had her own room but it's too late now...
She's old enough to logically understand that you each have your own beds.
I would start by telling her that now that you're in your new place you're excited to help her settle into her new room.
From there I'd make her a part of decorating decisions the whole time talking up how she gets to sleep in her own bed now. Ask her what she needs to be comfortable spending the night in there. Is she afraid of the dark? Get a night light. Lonely? Get her a stuffed animal to sleep with and put a framed photo of you next to her bed.
Repeat over and over again that she has her own bed and own room now and isn't that wonderful thing? Get her verbal buy in.
If necessary I'd sleep on the floor in her room next to her (NOT in her bed) during this transition until she's sleeping thru the night in her own bed but if you go down the path to break her from your new marriage bed you need to stand strong. Telling her this is the way things will be from now on only to go back on your message and allowing her back in your bed because it's difficult to deal with is going to send mixed messages and prolong the process.
If that doesn't work google "toddler clock". It's a clock that stays yellow during the night and you set a time for it to turn green. My kids know they are not allowed in my room until the clock turns green in the morning. (unless they're sick or have had an accident and need help cleaning up).
Set the expectation, stand firm and do your best to make it fun and answer any hesitations or concerns she has up front. She's old enough to articulate her hesitations so work with her on it.
GL!
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
Great suggestions. I think the main thing is the part that I put in bold above. If you waffle about this, she will see the weak point & run with it.
Well she was a part of the decoration process, painting, and everything, her room is actually very pretty, like living in a cute marshmallow lol.
She already has a night light and all of her toys there, but she keeps falling asleep in our bed and we have to take her to her room, but every morning she?ll be at our bedroom.
I?ve tried to take her to her room and sit in her bed ?till she?s fallen asleep, and still she?ll crawl to our bed in the middle of the night.
Last time she cried so hard I went to her room and she was sweating and cold and shivering, it just broke my heart.
Day time is all right, we have fun, she and my DH have a great relationship, and she?s actually very independent, she?ll whatch t.v or play in her room on her own, it?s just sleep time where she won?t accept being alone
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1. Don't let her start out in your bed. If you're telling her she needs to sleep in her own bed and room then why on earth would you LET her fall asleep in your bed? It's disconcerting to their little minds (to most minds actually) to wake up in a different place than they fall asleep.
You're not being consistent if you're telling her she needs to sleep in her room but letting her fall asleep in your bed.
2. Sleep on her floor. All. night. long. When she gets up, put her back in her bed and reassure her that she's safe in her bed and in her room. Baby steps - get her staying in HER room all night long and then worry about removing yourself from the equation. Plan on bunking in with her for at least a week, maybe more. This is a 5 year habit and it's gonna take some work to undo it. Don't expect improvement over just 1 night.
3. Try the toddler clock. Explain that she can leave her room when it turns green but when it's yellow she needs to stay in her room. When she wakes in the middle of the night and you're right there on her floor point to the clock and tell her she needs to get back in HER bed. Minimize eye contact, cuddling and interaction. State fact. Reinforce the message and stay strong.
This is going to take some sacrifice and work on your part. She's going to cry. You set up a bad habit and it won't be fun to break but it's something that needs to be done IMO.
It won't get easier as she gets older, it's going to get harder. Invest the time, do the work and help her thru this.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
I 100% agree with this. Nothing much more to add actually! It is NOT going to be easy, especially because of her age. But stick with it and eventually she will be in her own room.