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Another post of leaving our kids
If you don't go out regularly without your kids, how do you and your DH make time for just each other?
DH and I are struggling with this right now. He likes staying up late to have time to himself but then he's miserable the next day from being tired. I like going to bed early, because even though I'd like some time to myself or time together, I'd rather have my sleep.
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Re: Another post of leaving our kids
We go out w/o DD - and its nice. Even though we talk about DD ~ 90% of the time, its nice just to not have the stress of childcare/child behavior all the time. I end up staying up late (and getting up early) to have some time to myself - honestly it keeps me sane, but DH would much rather go to bed and sleep as his "quality" time.
Do you not want to go out alone or do feel uncomfortable leaving Faith? Maybe you could go out w/ just her and leave Ava and DS w/a sitter (or even leave him in charge?)
I just feel guilty leaving them and I know I shouldn't. I really need to get over it.
My mom offered to come down next week and watch them so we could go out for our anniversary and I'm going to take her up on it.
I think that is one area where my marriage suffers. We NEVER make time for us. We very rarely leave her (typically if left she's with one of us). We never go out, never have dinner without her AND she sleeps with us. Sooooo.....yeah i'm not the one to ask this question.
I don't judge leaving your child here and there, sometimes it's necessary and sometimes you just need it. I judge leaving your child on the regular (beyond working). I know it's easier to shop without, I know it's easier to go out to dinner without, but I'm sorry I have the rest of my life to do those without children. I signed up for this, so when i'm not working, the bulk of the time is spent with my kidlet. I see people (family even!) talk about doing this or that without their child REGULARLY. I don't get it, i just can't grasp that mentality. However, to each their own, it's not my life nor child so we all have to make those decisions.
I feel like we had this discussion before . ..
I agree there are some people that almost seem like they can't wait to "ditch' their kids and then there are other people who can't imagine enjoying a moment without them, but there's a wide range in between these 2 extremes.
Oh we have discussed this before.
There is a wide range, for sure. I'm surely on the end of life doesn't exist and i can't enjoy a moment without my child. I know this is an issue. I'm willing to admit that.
HAH! However, I also still firmly stand by I don't understand how people can go out regularly without their child. I'm trying to define my definition of regular because that can be subject to the reader and the person. I'm not talking hey hun can you keep jimmy because I want to run to the store to grab something to make for dinner. I'm talking hey grandma (or babysitter), can you keep jimmy because I want to have dinner without my kid or i want to go to the bar. I don't understand that mentality.
I've editted my post a few times because I'm trying to be fair with my explanation. I spend the bulk of my time with my kid on the weekend. So leaving her for multiple hours every weekend, in my eyes, isn't acceptable. Now, if i'm going to dinner once every 3 wks (or whatever) without her, that is different. That is why I do agree there is a wide range. I just admittedly judge those who leave their kid more often than the time spent with them.
I agree with this and sorry if I am bringing this back up again. DH and I had a talk about needing time together this morning so that's what sparked my post.
I know I'm a parent (heck, I've been one for 15 years!), but I'm also a wife and my marriage needs to be a priority too so I really need to work on this. I/we have a good thing going, I don't want to mess it up because of my guilt over leaving the kids for a few hours here and there.
We try to do date nights... Sometimes we'll go over to MILs and drop off DD, go to dinner and then all 3 of us spend the night over there. DD doesn't go to sleep well for anyone but me, so I feel bad asking someone else to try and put her down.
We really need to get a better bed time routine, and one that doesn't need ME to do it. But everytime we try to start something new she gets sick. I sure hope the adnoid removal surgery helps. If so, I think a need bed time routine will be what we work on the week I am off between Christmas and New Years.
Really?
Unless you're leaving your child every single weekend all weekend I think even once a week for a few hours is more than OK. We all need time away from our kids. I'd rather be a well adjusted Mom who gets time to herself than an "I'll never leave my kid ever" mommy martyr. I used to think I'd be the latter, I'm so glad I got over myself.
My kid loves time away from us and with my parents/relatives. I also like my husband and think our relationship is extremely important, so time away from my kid is of the utmost to make sure we have time to reconnect.
ETA: We make sure we hang out a lot on the weekends, staying up late, waking up early. I'm glad bedtime is down to a science because we have a good 3-4 hours each night. I do need to go to bed early, but I can sacrifice one or two nights a week to get some time in with DH. Ever since I started making our relationship a priority, I've found I've wanted to spend even more time with him.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I'd like some clarification of this. What do you think is wrong? Both parents leaving the child for several hours every weekend, or one parent leaving the child with the other for several hours every weekend? Or both?
We have no family in the area and few friends who are willing/able to watch DD. Frankly, I miss DD during the week and want to spend time with her. I get home at 5:30 /6:00 and she goes to bed at 7. With DST ending, she'll go to bed at 6PM, right after I get home.
I'd be ok leaving her with family, but since we don't have any around, it's not an option. I have left her with DH to do things alone. DH & I have left her and gone out alone twice (once here when a friend could watch her and once when we were in PA and MIL could watch her). Tomorrow we are also going out alone and leaving DD with a friend. I don't feel like going through the hassel of finding a sitter just yet.
FWIW, my dd used to eat EVERY TWO HOURS. Since I BF, I would have to pump every 2 to keep up with her demand when I was gone. I can only go about 3.5 hours before I get really engorged. Since I didn't feel like dragging my pump around, I just stayed home.
For all those who have left their dc's to go out alone, would you have felt differently if you had to find a non-family, non-friend sitter? Would you have gone out less if you had no family/friends to watch your kid? (I'm just curious because that is the situation we are in.)
That is why I said in my last post that I agree that there is a huge range. Everyone is different. I also said I do know it's an area I need to work on, but I'm far from thinking i'm a "mommy martyr". As I previously stated, I consider the weekend the time I mostly get to spend with my baby because I work full time. With that being said, if the weekend is the time I get to spend the time with my baby then I can't imagine leaving my kid regularly. Everyones definition is different.
Yes, I FULLY judge my sister who works ft and leaves her kid at least once a weekend if not all weekend multiple times a month.
We all judge others in some fashion, this just happens to be one area that I can't comprehend. I understand that I'm a bit extreme with it and it's an area I need to loosen on.
I understand people need their time to get out, i'm not saying that's wrong. Maybe the best way to put it is, if you'd rather spend more time away from your kid than with your kid then I think you deserved to be judged.
Yes, I'd probably go out less often if I didn't have my parents and ILs chomping at the bit to take DD, but I'd try to find a babysitter that I was comfortable with. I know some of the other parents at DD's daycare have used teachers from school to watch their kids if they didn't have family nearby. I wouldn't want to leave my very small baby with a teenage babysitter either, but older baby/toddler, I'd be OK leaving w/ a teenage babysitter to go out to dinner and a movie.
Absolutely what Kathryn said. She mostly stays with family, but tonight she's staying with my best friend. I made other Mommy friends so that we could switch off in a pinch too.
And I work FT and my time on the weekend with LO is precious. But if she's going to be sleeping anyway at night, DH and I are going to take advantage of that.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Hells yes! Babysitters are expensive. My parents watch our kids a lot, like we have only paid for babysitters 3 times or so. If we are going to an event for DH's work it's one thing (because then we are getting a free meal, etc.) but I can't imagine paying $12 an hour and going out and spending $$$ on a meal, etc.
DD spends the night (or 2 nights) at my parents 2x a month or so, and having just ONE child is a huge break for DH and I. She loves going up there, my mom is now hauling out my old Barbies, etc. for her to play with, she goes to my mom's gym and takes a swim lesson, does art w/ my mom, etc. It's awesome.
Also DS gets some good solo attention, I can get more done during the day, he goes to bed earlier, etc.
I agree. I try not to be too judgemental about it, but I work full time also so the only time I get with my DD is nights (not even 2 hours each night before bedtime) and weekends. I can't fathom picking her up from daycare just to drop her off at the gym child care, or leaving her for a whole weekend on a regular basis.
BTW - your opinion on leaving your child changes too.
When my LO was a baby, it was much harder to leave her, but now as an occassionally mouthy preschooler who knows how to push my buttons - yeah, I think a break is good for everybody sometimes. Heck, I put her to bed early some nights just b/c she's driving me nuts.
lol wait until the teenage years. Seriously, DS takes more energy to deal with than the two little ones combined.